While the unenlightened may hear “battle station” and think of some command console on a fighting vessel, true gamers know that a battle station is where your most heroic fights, your most death-defying feats, and your most incredible accomplishments all take place, gamepad in hand.
Most of us would be lucky to have a couch and a big screen TV to game on, but for those with the means, a gamer station can take on a truly epic scale and scope. Flashing LED lights, curved glowing monitors, and dozens of surround-sound speakers are the hallmark of a gaming enthusiast’s crib.
On the other side of the spectrum, we have the less fortunate gamer who ekes out a meager thrill on whatever they can scrounge up. Despite these battle stations’ shoddy appearances we must always give them our respect, for the call of games hearkens to every man, woman, and in between, and not all of them have the financial support to play on the most cutting edge technology available.
That said, some of these more homely set-ups are so bad they’re downright dangerous.
Here are 10 battle stations to leave you in awe, and 10 more that will leave you in stitches. Or needing them.
21. The Gamer Room We All Wish For (Yes!)
We start off with the quintessential gamer pad. It’s got everything you could ever want: a big, curved couch for everyone to get a good view of the action. Coupled with every console you can remember, delightful stands for headphones, and controllers so cords don’t get all tangled — this setup is nuts. It’s a giant co-op gamer’s dream, and woud let to people have a serious night of gaming. For most of us, this would be the ideal living room.
It even comes with an adorable doggy to keep you company!
If you pay close attention, to the right of the TVs are cabinets filled to the brim with cartridges and discs for all those consoles you see before you. Truly a magnificent battle station anyone would be proud to own.
20. The Real Reason People Steal Grocery Carts (Ugh!)
As a direct contrast to the ideal gamer living room we have… whatever this is. Which is clearly an upturned grocery cart repurposed as a desk. A very cramped, uncomfortable desk with the world’s oldest monitor perched precariously on top of it. It doesn’t even have anywhere for the poor kid to use his dollar store mouse.
But at the same time, I feel for this kid. Here’s someone who’s so into gaming he’s willing to endure the unending ridicule of friends and family, not to mention an eventual herniated disc when he’s older, just so he can game. Kudos to you kiddo, wherever you are — you’re a true gamer and you should be proud.
19. Gamer Room? More Like Gamer Theatre (Yes!)
As cool as that last room was, it’s got nothing on this bad boy. That’s a screen big enough to melt your eyeballs, and filled with speakers loud enough to make you feel like you’re in the middle of Lollapalooza. But unlike Lollapalooza, you get to sit back and relax in plush leather accommodations, complete with controller stands and back and leg massagers.
Note the tablet on the left to control the entertainment center, and the bevy of consoles tucked away in the cubby holes beside subwoofers large enough to register on the Richter scale. Oh, and don’t forget the LED spotted roof that makes it look like a starry night’s sky.
18. That’s One Hot Rig… (Ugh!)
Yeesh. I don’t even know what to say about this heap. I mean, I know I’ve heard people say that flames make anything go faster, but this is like slapping flames on the side of a bus that’s missing three out of four wheels.
It’s hard to imagine a time when this would have been even remotely cool, but not a few short decades ago this might have convinced a stay-at-home housewife that it was something to help little Jimmy get into these new-fangled computers she’d heard so much about. If it didn’t leave Jimmy blind from the glaring paint-job, anyway.
17. Anything Is Better When It Has A Bar (Yes!)
I know we’re still really early on this list, and you can barely see the actual battle station on the left side, but I’m already going to vote this as my top choice for a gamer room. Why? I believe it starts with a B, ends with an R, and is staring you right in the face with the promise of sweet, sweet inebriation.
It’s got a bar. A. Bar. Right next to four classic arcade cabinets and what is surely the biggest damned TV off screen, but honestly none of that matters. This room will keep you both entertained and drunk. Really, there’s nothing else any of us would ever need. Well, maybe if there were a jacuzzi too.
16. This Seems Dangerous (Ugh!)
Here we have a battle station that’s only moments away from becoming a murder scene. That massive CRT monitor is not only perched so precariously it seems moments away from dropping like the boulder it almost assuredly weighs, but is also angled directly over the pelvis of whoever would be foolish enough to climb into this death trap.
I don’t understand why anyone would ever think this is a good idea, and least of all how anyone could ever remain calm enough to actually game on it. I’d be so nervous of my imminent demise that I’m sure I’d ignore whatever game this sad excuse for a rig is even capable of running.
15. It’s Important To Color Coordinate (Yes!)
I think we can all agree that this battle station is pretty frickin’ sweet. First, you got the triple monitor set up that will make any first person shooter that much more amazing. Next, you’ve got what is clearly a bleeding-edge rig spitting out bits and bytes faster than anything else on the market with a transparent case so everyone can see what awesome gear you’ve strapped inside. Top it all off with a hardwood floor, chair, and incredible matching red LEDs, and you’ve got an impressive AF battle station.
14. The Battle Station Of Someone Who Has Given Up (Ugh!)
Oh, god, what have they done to you? I’m sure in a previous life you were a fine monitor, keyboard, mouse, and Xbox One, but now… I can’t even bring forth words of comfort.
I know I started this thing saying we shouldn’t judge people for their lackluster set ups, but there is absolutely no excuse for this. Look at the cigarettes, the piles of ash, the empty beer bottles and – is that… Why are those bottles in the back yellow? Someone tell me!
13. Not A Battle Station – A Dance Studio (Yes!)
God, after that last one I need something to get the awful taste out of my mouth. This room should do nicely. It’s not so much a game room as it is a dance studio. Clearly, this is a gamer that takes their Dance Dance Revolution very seriously.
While the lighting and stadium seating are certainly intended to ensure these gamers get the most out of their Rock Band experience, the gigantic cushions covering the dance floor reveal a secondary purpose to this room, and that is to game the night away. Plop down in Arabic-style opulence while you frag your friends on a humongous TV screen. And when you own their sorry asses, shine a spotlight on their tears with the studio lighting.
12. There’s Wall Mounted, And Then There’s This (Ugh!)
Huh. Well, there’s certainly enough hardware to game here, and that glowing monitor seems to indicate that all the hardware works. I’m just not sure why it had to all be suspended from the ceiling. It seems like a disaster just waiting to happen.
What if this person has cats? Or dogs? Or is just late for work one morning, bangs their head on the motherboard and causes that giant heat sink to unseat itself and tear the processor along with it? Or what if you just spill your coffee? My advice for battle station builders on a budget: keep everything on the ground.
11. Some People Like Immersive Games, And Then There’s This Guy (Yes!)
I know it may not look it at first glance, but this guy has a pretty sweet set up. Big screen, tons of consoles, comfortable seating – all the core components of a great game room are here. Then they decided to go one step further and make the decor match the games they were playing. I respect that.
I haven’t checked inside, but I imagine all those cabinets lining the walls are filled with game boxes, and those radioactive boxes are actually a cleverly concealed sound system. Look closely and you’ll see the ground is really textured carpet, and those sand bags are disguised pillows.
10. Tablets Are Heavy Guys… (Ugh!)
I’ll allow that mobile gaming on tablets is still gaming. I’ll even concede that gaming in bed is also still gaming. However, I become hesitant to call this a battle station when it’s just a tablet duct-taped to the ceiling. I mean, tablet’s aren’t like old-school CRT monitors – they’re not heavy. Holding a tablet shouldn’t be too much of a strain. So who could possibly be lazy enough to want to duct-tape their tablet to the ceiling?
Unless this is actually a Home Alone style trap set to befuddle a pair of despicable house invaders. Then this gets a pass (and let’s be real: it basically has to be a trap). Otherwise, I don’t get it.
9. Authentically Retro (Yes!)
I like this room for many reasons. First, you’ve got pretty much every console ever made represented on that super long shelf. Second, the lantern lighting really gives this place a comfy feel. Third, all the chairs look clean but super old, so they’ve likely been reupholstered. This is a game den of the highest order, made to retain that retro-game feel not just through the consoles and games but by the very furniture that you sit in.
With that many consoles, you just know there’s a veritable wall just covered in cartridges. A full library for all those systems might need a second house just to contain them all. But for authenticity, nothing beats this room. Unless you have a time machine, then that might beat it.
8. The World’s Tiniest Screen (Ugh!)
What you see before you is the world’s tiniest computer. The thing that all the USB heads are plugged into on the left is a Raspberry Pi, well known for being the most processing power one can buy for less than a happy meal at McDonald’s. What you see on the right is an old-school camcorder, one that showed the viewed what they were seeing through a tiny, high-resolution screen. It was designed to only be seen with one eye, however, so you’d be forced to game using only one eye ball.
7. Surround Sound Isn’t Good Enough For Some (Yes!)
Now this is what I’d call a battle station. Comfy curved sofa? Check. Enormous screen? Check. Little model of a submarine to remind us of our nautical roots? Check. Enough speaker power to blow out every ear drum on the Eastern seaboard? Check and double check.
Seriously, this room is so impressive it’s a little intimidating. I feel just by stepping inside I’d be bathed in sound. I’d become sound. My entire world would just be gaming and noise.
You may be wondering where the game consoles are. See those little windows above the screen? That’s a projector room, like at a theater, and inside you can find probably every console ever made, along with several that haven’t been released yet.
6. Well. I Guess It’s Technically Playing A Game (Ugh!)
I stand corrected – this is the smallest battle station ever. What you see is a Motorolla phone so old I can no longer identify it playing Doom RPG, a game designed specifically to operate on the Symbian operating system, a precursor to modern day’s iOS and Android.
What’s impressive about this particular feat is that, like iOS and Android, Symbian was designed to be operated on a smart phone. Emphasis on the smart. This old Motorolla basically has the same processor you’d find in a calculator, so getting it to run Symbian is nothing short of miraculous. Getting it to then play a game, any game, might as well be the first sign of the returning messiah.
5. Why Mount Your TV To The Wall When You Could Mount Your Computer? (Yes!)
This battle station is so revealing it should be a “grown-up” magazine centerfold. Sure, you’ve got your tri-screen setup, and you’ve got the wheel of a true racing game enthusiast, and then you’ve got all the guts of your machine stapled to the wall so everyone can see it.
It’s so in your face it’s almost gaudy. You can see the four hard drives, motherboard, video card, power supply, and RAM, and then you’ve got a liquid cooling system linking all of it together. What’s truly remarkable, besides the fact that it’s nailed to the wall, is how the liquid cooling enters into a barber’s spiral right in the middle, making me think I could get my hair done while I frag people.
4. I Feel Like I May Have Forgotten Something… (Ugh!)
It’s hard to call this a battle station considering it’s just a bunch of computer parts strewn all over the floor. But I assure you this is a battle station, and this guy’s rig isn’t even all that bad. At the time all these components would have cost well over $1500, and I’m sure he’s very pleased with his performance. I just think it might also be a pain in the butt to vacuum around.
In all the excitement of getting a new gaming rig, it can be all too common to forget to budget for more mundane and non-performance enhancing components, like a case. A case doesn’t make your gaming any better, it just keeps everything in a neat little box. But if you forget to buy a case you wind up like this guy. Don’t be like this guy.
3. Custom Battle Station Are The Best Kind (Yes!)
The only thing better than a well-made battle station is a custom made one, and this is one of the sweetest. Aircraft-grade aluminum has been made specifically for this computer desk, making it both light and durable. Inside goes the guts of a fantastic gaming rig, and then a glass sheet covers it up while providing a smooth surface. Paired monitors along with a set of blue LEDs give the finishing touches to a truly beautiful battle station.
If you’re wondering where the cords go, they get in through a hole in the back where the motherboard peeks out just enough to accept some inputs. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if more computer setups took cable management into consideration?
2. Someone Stole My Battle Station (Ugh!)
When this guy went out for dinner last night he was expecting to get home to a gaming rig that would still be there. Instead, someone had stolen his desk and chair and left his rig suspended on cinder blocks.
The police arrived to inspect the scene, but while they can take finger prints and photograph the marks where a jack had been used, there’s little they can do to track down thieves after they’ve already made a clean get away. All you can do is wait and hope the criminals screw up down the line.
1. It Doesn’t Get Any Better Than This (Yes!)
We’ve seen a lot of great battle stations, but I think this one just might be better than all the rest. It’s got everything: PC gaming rig on one end and console TV station on the other. It’s got great lighting, comfy furniture, practical desks and tables, and it makes such efficient use of limited space that it manages to have all this awesome tech and still seem cozy rather than imposing.
Plus, there’s no denying the geek cred of this gamer’s room. Star Wars posters, Game of Thrones table top, Gundam model next to the TV, and Overwatch set to be played on the PC monitor. If I had to pick a room to never leave for the rest of my life, this would be the one I’d choose.
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