A couple more years and The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim would be a decade old. Even so, it remains as popular today and has generated its own meme culture and smirking and giggling player community. It's a testament to Bethesda's craft, even if they seem to be losing a sense of themselves lately.
Anyway, much of the hilarity in Skyrim stems from how the game was made. Non-player characters (NPCs) tend to repeat some iconic lines of dialogue which, in combination with certain situations, is pure comedy gold only players of Skyrim or previous The Elder Scrolls games will understand. So, in case you've forgotten how much of a gutbuster Bethesda's game was, here are 10 hilarious quotes from NPCs.
10 Skyrim Belongs To The Nords!
A rather bold and racially-charged rallying call from the Nords. It shows just how much they want to kick the Imperials (and other meddling races) out of their home province of Skyrim. It has led to some political tensions and you'll often hear it as a battle-cry from some enemies you're hacking to death.
The funny thing is, Nord NPCs also shout that very line to you while bashing your head with a hammer... even if your character is a Nord. On another instance, your Nord companion will also shout that line to your enemies, even if you're a Dark Elf, High Elf, or an Imperial, all of which are sworn enemies of Nords. Careful of those guys, they might stab you while you sleep.
9 "Let Me Guess, Someone Stole Your Sweetroll?"
Walk up to a guard in any city in Skyrim, and this is one of the lines they'll utter to you as a way to dismiss your queries or concerns. You don't even have to initiate a dialogue with them; they'll blurt this right at your face with a tone of mockery and condescension.
In their defense, they probably had plenty of children or even adults come to them with cases of stolen sweetrolls. Perhaps it got tiring to hear the same unresolved complaints and crimes over and over again? Or, perhaps it was you who stole too many sweetrolls and are now making the town guards' lives difficult? In any case, a good Fus Roh Dah to the face of the guards would suffice as an appropriate retort for this question.
8 "Is That... Fur? Coming Out Of Your Ears?"
Hang out with the Companions in Whiterun too much and they might just turn you into a good boy (or girl). If you accept this opportunity to be able to transform into a big bad wolf, you'll open up a can of new dialogue options for the guards of Skyrim to say to you, which is that silly question above.
It makes sense if your character is one of the human-looking ones, but this line is a lot more amusing if you chose a Khajiit as your character's race. That's because they don't ask that line prior to your becoming a werewolf, even if the fur in your character's ears was there all along. Sadly, there's no "Duh" reply, so you'll have to get creative with your Dragonborn shouts instead.
7 "Wait... I Know You..."
No crime goes unpunished in the land of Skyrim. Even the smallest of crimes like stealing a block of cheese, killing a chicken, or merely lollygagging can land you in jail. Although, the guards are a lot less vigilant in pursuing you if your crimes are just those mentioned above; hence, this funny dialogue if you have a small bounty on your head.
You know you're in trouble when you initiate dialogue to a guard and it's the first thing they say. By then, you'll have limited options on how to wiggle out. Sometimes you can just simply walk away and pray to Talos they don't give chase. Other times, you'll have to pay with your blood, criminal scum!
6 "Psst! Hey. I know who you are. Hail Sithis!
Being a member of the Dark Brotherhood is cool. It's basically a free pass to murder just about anyone without repercussions. As it turns out, even the guards of Skyrim don't want to intervene with that sort of operation and mentality. No, they can beat them, so they joined them!
You'll often hear a guard whisper this line to you like some sort of secret handshake as soon as you finish the Dark Brotherhood questline. It gives you a glimpse into who they're really loyal to, though how they reveal their allegiance to you can catch you off-guard due to their heavy German accent.
5 "Never Should've Come Here!"
A line that's used way too often by your victims regardless of the circumstances. You could sneak your way into their lair and slit their throat, dealing 6x stealth damage, and they'll still say this. Basically, all your victims or enemies in Skyrim turn into cranky old men who want you off their yard as soon as they see you.
That, or they could be referring to themselves sometimes as they also say this line whenever they're walking down the road and happen to bump into you, with their weapon drawn. Really, though, you never should have come here.
4 "Those Warriors From Hammerfell? They've Got Curved Swords. Curved. Swords."
A guard's life in Skyrim can be dull and monotonous... even though there's always action to be found due to wars and dragons. Anyway, one of their favorite past times is idle gossip. Their favorite topic? Warriors from Hammerfell, they got curved swords, you see, something rare and exotic in Skyrim... or any other province in Tamriel.
It can be rather puzzling as to why Nord guards would be curious about the curvature of swords. However, those warriors from Hammerfell are definitely asking for attention the way they dangle their curved swords around their hips.
3 "You'll Make A Fine Rug, Cat!"
Apart from the "never should have come here!" threat from hostile NPCs, they can get creative depending on your character's race. If you happen to be a Khajiit, for example, they give you this laughably cruel taunt.
As it is, the Khajiit are the joke race of Tamriel because the other races regard them as compulsive thieves. Even their home province is called Elsweyr. How do you take that seriously? In any case, it's a fitting threat against a Khajiit, given how they always scam you wherever they are.
2 "I Used To Be An Adventurer Like You, Then I Took An Arrow In The Knee"
There it is, the line that launched a thousand memes. There's no other quote in Skyrim more memorable or iconic than this one. It seems every guard you meet used to be an adventurer like you, then they took arrows in the knee and were relegated to guard duty.
They'll also explicitly say it to you as a conversation starter without you even asking why they became a guard. In their defense, though, being an adventurer was probably preferable than having to talk about the "curved swords" of the warriors of Hammerfell as their past time or taking care of sweetroll thefts.
1 "Do You Get To The Cloud District Very Often? Oh, What Am I Saying, Of Course You Don't."
This line in itself isn't groundbreaking at all, it's what happens afterward to the person who says this that's entertaining. You see, this line is something only a condescending dead man utters. As such, the only appropriate reply to him would be an ax blade to his bald forehead or a level 100 Destruction skill lightning bolt to his groin area.
Absolutely no should boast to you about their highbrow escapades to the Cloud District, regardless of how often it is. By the way, Cloud District is merely the area of Dragonsreach in Whiterun. You've been there countless times even, so it's nothing special. Feel free to be a jerk to anyone about how cultured and high-profile you are since you actually get to the Cloud District very often.