To the rest of us mere hapless mortals, fame looks kind of fun. Who wouldn’t want to be a Kardashian for a day, and ‘earn’ millions of dollars just by letting a bunch of seedy-looking guys take photos of your big ol’ greasy ass? I don’t know about you guys, but I know a dream gig when I see it.
Fact is, though, it’s not as simple or as glamorous as that. Fame comes with a price. First up, if you’re really, really unlucky, you might wind up married to Kanye freaking West. Is that’s a risk you’re willing to take, you’ll also have to put up with the endless stream of memes that people will make about you.
This doesn’t just apply to celebrities. Whether we’re talking TV shows, movies, video games or other media, popularity means snarky memes. Now, in the gaming world, there are few bigger RPG franchises than Final Fantasy. Which means, of course, that it’s inspired jokes-amundo.
The much-ballyhooed (why does nobody use the word ballyhooed any more) series is celebrating its 30th anniversary this year. It’s spanned fifteen main series entries, as well as more spin-offs than you could shake a Tonberry’s knife at. We’ve laughed, cried, howled, and bitched on Internet forums about a Final Fantasy VII remake (pro and con, naturally), and generally forged quite a relationship with the inimitable franchise.
We’ve also mocked and memed relentlessly, as I say, but it’s nothing personal. That’s just how we communicate these days. Check out 15 Hilarious Final Fantasy Memes Only True Fans Will Understand.
15 The Great Final Fantasy XV Bromance(s)
Since Final Fantasy XV was first unveiled, there was an all-pervasive sense of sausage party about the whole thing. As I’m sure you know, the game centers around the Lion King-esque life journey of crown prince Noctis, and his three personal guards/bros: Prompto, Ignis, and Gladiolus. The four young dudes take a casual approach to their journey; the whole thing is less solemn royal duty and more four young dudes on a stag weekend. You can imagine one of them uploading a selfie of the quartet to Facebook, with the caption ‘Magaluf isn’t ready #Shagaluf.’
Like many of you, I thoroughly enjoyed the game, but I couldn’t quite shake the Whitesnake vibe I was getting from Noctis and co, particularly in their default outfits.
14 Final Fantasy XIII’s Curse Of The Cutscenes
In terms of storytelling, video games have come a hell of a long way. We’re not talking Pac-Man or Asteroids plot-free games now. It’s 2017, grandpa, get with the times.
These days, we expect a full balls-out story with convoluted Da Vinci Code-ish plotting from our games. As the medium’s become more sophisticated, this has become more and more important, and it’s easy for devs to go a bit overboard. We’re talking Metal Gear Solid levels of cinematic here. Cutscenes out the wazzoo. Final Fantasy XIII is notorious for putting fancy-ass visuals before gameplay, and its many cutscene interruptions are a testament to that. Much of the negative response to the game stems from this, along with its linear nature. This is where the legend of Lightning began, though, to give the game its kinda-sorta due.
13 The Guy Who Are Sick
Oh, Sick Guy. In a way, a very real way, you are the true hero of Final Fantasy VII. Chilling there in the slums in your weird makeshift pipe-home, dispensing the kind of valuable wisdom that all adventurers need early in RPGs. Sure, you don’t speak that well, and of your wisdom comes out as, "URRGH HURGH OOGAH," but we appreciate the effort. Let’s not forget the fact that you’re subtly foreshadowing all kinds of plot events that will unfold later as well. Good job, Sick Guy.
Mistakes during localization are hardly anything new for JRPGs. The odd typo or sentence of shonky dialogue never hurt anybody. As such, it’s rare for one of these mistakes to become meme-worthy in its own right. Aries’s famous line ‘this guy are sick,’ however, certainly has done.
12 I’m Home Alone, Bae
Next up, a classic meme with a Final Fantasy twist. Like all great memes, it’s a simple concept, but the possibilities are endless. What is (Insert guy’s name) doing that he’ll drop instantly when he hears that (Insert girl’s name) is home alone? Just about anything, really, with the way that guys apparently think with their dangleberries.
Outrageous slander aside, though, there are some priorities that trump even that. Well, a couple. Occasionally. One of them, naturally, is Final Fantasy XV. As players will know, this is a huge commitment of a game; a title where each sidequest spawns three more like some kind of enormous time-wastey fetch quest Hydra. There are a good couple hundred hours of gameplay, right here, and you’ve got to stay on that. You can’t get distracted by things like work, school, personal hygiene or even her humps (her humps her humps her humps, her lovely lady lumps).
11 Tidus’s Laugh
Meanwhile, we’re told that women prefer a more emotional approach. They want to watch craptastic Lifetime TV rom coms about Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan getting mail, talk about their feelings, and ask us Why. We. Always. Put. Our. Dirty. Clothes. Near. The. Washing. Basket. Instead. Of. In. It. After. I’ve. Asked. You. Thirteen. Thousand. Times.
You’ve probably seen super cutesy memes like these doing the rounds on Facebook countless times. A quick dose of Tidus-based snark later, and this one is effectively ruined.
If you remember the ‘Tidus and Yuna laughing out loud’ incident, you’ll know what a cheesier-than-a-Pizza-Hut-stuffed-crust-with-extra-cheese moment it was. Not the voice actor’s finest hour, but it is brilliantly meme worthy. That’s something the internet always appreciates. Good job there, Tidus.
10 Sephiroth’s Half-Hour Supernova
Now, it’s not an easy gig being a Final Fantasy supervillain. These guys have some pretty damn stringent guidelines they have to stick to. Being an all-around a-hole is a prerequisite, naturally, but there’s much more to it than that.
Generally, these guys and gals are going to be end bosses. That’s just the way it works around here. They’re also going to need some kind of ridiculously theatrical and OTT special attack. Enter Sephiroth, his single freshly-sprouted wing firmly in place, dropping a little Supernova on you.
This attack is a summon in all but name. The animation lasts a couple of minutes, and sees the energy that Seph summons destroying every planet in the solar system in turn, on its way to collide with your party’s faces. At least you don’t need to hit pause for a toilet break.
9 When You Enjoy Triple Triad A Little Too Much
If you’re the kind of completionist gamer who lives and breathes sidequests, optional objectives, bonus challenges, that sort of thing, you’re probably an RPG fan. The genre, in particular, caters really well to your kind. If, in turn, you’ve played Final Fantasy VIII, you’re probably more than familiar with Triple Triad.
The game and its protagonist alike are quite controversial. Mechanics like the junction system, and Squall’s character development, are very hit and miss among players. Whatever your view, there’s one thing we can all agree on: If you want to build a full deck of cards, you’re going to be traveling all over the world, pestering all kinds of NPCs for games. You wouldn’t think Squall would be up for the job, but there it is.
8 I Used To Be An Ancient, Then I Took A Masamune To The Abdomen
Is it too soon? Yes, yes it is. It will always be too soon. I know everyone can be touchy about two-decade old spoilers, but this, right here, is pretty much the best-known secret in gaming.
Sephiroth (or rather, ‘Sephiroth,’ if you know what I mean) does indeed kill Aeris. By so doing, he renders leveling and otherwise investing in her entirely pointless. Like many of you, I’m sure, I’ve played through Final Fantasy VII several times, trying out different characters and strategies each time. None of which involved Aeris, other than the time she forces herself on you at the Temple of the Ancients like the girl from the Over attached Girlfriend meme.
It’s a shame, really, as I’m a huge fan of healer/supporters in RPGs.
7 Drink Your Goddamn TEA!
As all true fans of Final Fantasy will know, almost every main series entry features a Cid. Usually, Cid shows up as an NPC or a main party member — there have been many Cids. If we’re talking personal favorites, though, my vote goes to the seventh game’s Cid Highwind. This foul-mouthed pilot/Dragoon-wannabe is just my kind of guy. After all, how many Limit Breaks involving a dude casually lighting a stick of dynamite with his cigarette and throwing it at his enemies have you seen? Just one, that’s how many. This guy’s. That’s pretty high on the chutzpah scale.
When it comes to hospitality, on the other hand, he’s a little lacking. As this meme shows, there’ll be no 5 star TripAdvisor reviews for any B&B Cid ever happens to set up.
6 Dodging That Lightning
For a lot of fans, Final Fantasy’s glory days are far behind it. The holy PS1 trinity of VII, VIII, and IX were many players’ first experiences of the series, and in some cases their first RPGs ever. This sort of thing leaves a mark, and it’s not just nostalgia. For the most part, these titles still hold up pretty damn well, even if VII’s blockier-than-Minecraft-played-on-ugly-ass-extra-blocky-mode graphics are an insult to our eyeballs.
On the other hand, these titles originally arrived without any of the fancy mod cons we’ve come to expect from games today. Achievements/trophies, for instance. When they were added, as with the Final Fantasy X remaster, they didn’t waste time. Dodging two hundred lightning bolts? You know, I think I’d rather not. That time I got to 199 and screwed up, I could have kicked a three-legged kitten into an electric fan.
5 It’s Gilgamesh!
This guy, huh? This. Guy. The ever-hilarious walking meme that is Gilgamesh has made several appearances in the series, since first surfacing as Bartz’s enemy and rival in Final Fantasy V. A traveling swordsman, warrior, and treasure hunter, he’s instantly recognizable by his bright red garb.
Gilgamesh often serves as a kind of comic relief, spouting beautifully memorable lines like You should consider yourself lucky to face me! Which sword shall I stain with your blood? Don’t go eyeing my swords now. Part honorable fighter, part bumbling fool, never has a theme been more fitting than Gilgamesh’s Battle on the Big Bridge.
His most recent cameo was in World of Final Fantasy, where he can be fought as a boss and used in battle himself as a Mirage.
4 Hey, Wait Your Turn
In some gamers’ eyes, Final Fantasy has taken a Resident Evil-esque turn in recent years. Since the paradigm shift that came with Resident Evil 4, the series has been slowly morphing into a gun-tastic playable Arnold Schwarzenegger movie; kind of forgetting what survival horror really means.
As for Final Fantasy, the tenth title was the last one to feature that classic turn-based combat fans had gotten so used to. You know how long time fans can be when changed is forced upon them: they yearn for the good ol’ days, and/or bitch and whine on forums across the web. Obviously, as we see here, turn-based battles don’t make the slightest slice of sense from a logic point of view, but who the hell needs real-world logic in their games? Not me, buddy boy.
3 Selfies with Selphie
It’s kind of odd to think that Final Fantasy VIII was released in 1999. The late nineties was a weird time, full of all kinds of primitive horrors that we found amazing back then. Poor, misguided souls we were. We’ve long since consigned Yo-yos (yep, they were a hell of a thing in my school), super bright Fresh Prince of Bel-Air tracksuits and yo mama jokes to the cesspool of history where they belong.
Even more worrying than what we did have back then, how about what we didn’t? In my day, adult entertainment was only accessible via shady looking magazines on the top shelves of newsagents, Justin Bieber was still a fetus, and (brace yourself for this one, don’t foul your undercrackers) there was no Facebook. In a way, then, Selphie and her Garden Festival Committee business at Balamb Garden really was like an early form of social media.
2 Dude, Where's My Submarine?
Leading on from that business with turn-based battles, here comes another odd little fact of RPGs we’ve had to accept. It’s the old suspension of disbelief effect, like when you’re watching an action movie and don’t bitch about the fact that nobody ever has to reload their damn gun (unless you do bitch about that sort of thing, that’s cool too).
That’s right, friends. The backgrounds of turn-based battles may change, but the context rarely does. You could have been cruising along in a submarine when you encounter said enemy, but you’re not going to fight them in there. You can’t blast away with torpedoes instead of getting out and fighting hand to hand. Of course, you can’t. What the hell do you think this is? One of the later Total Wars with the fancy naval battles?
1 Call That A Sword? THIS Is A Sword!
That said, then, you totally shouldn’t think things like, Look at Cloud’s super scrawny arms! He looks like he could barely lift his head with the weight of all that hair product, let alone the Buster Sword! Nope. You shouldn’t. Another of the ancient and irrefutable rules of RPGs states that weapons have to be completely absurd, and legendary weapons even more so.
Generally speaking, characters will each have an ultimate weapon, and it’ll be a pain in the ass to acquire. Often, it’ll be an horrifically garish golden thing, with jewels and other spangly bits attached. You know, a status symbol, the sort of thing Kanye West would bust out and put on display when MTV Cribs came over to shoot in his voluminous home. Just to remind everyone that he’s balling.