When I was growing up porn was not as readily available as it is now. It’s basically free anywhere you go on the Internet be it videos, pictures, or even erotic literature. Back in my day, which feels weird writing (I’m only 29), it was a lot harder to find. So, whenever video games tried to be sexy, or alluring in some way I was admittedly enticed. Games like Dead or Alive Beach Xtreme Beach Volleyball, or BMX XXX had me intrigued, to say the least. The amount of content has grown since then, but since I’ve grown up too, I don't have a need for it. Although, I still find myself intrigued. There are merits to nudity in video games as it is an evolving medium. There are merits to nudity in video games as it is an evolving medium. Games like The Witcher, or Mass Effect handle their love scenes delicately and in a more mature manner.
The games below are a bit crasser, featuring titillating adventures of butt shots and bouncing breast physics. Some of these games are actually fun despite their more bizarre nature while others are just embarrassingly hard to even call video games. Good or not, if you get caught playing any of these, the odds are that your significant other, roommate, family member or whoever may label you as a sexual deviant. Worst case scenario: they consider all video games to be as crude as this. This feature is just scratching the surface too. In my research, I found a hell of a lot more, especially when I dove into the PC arena, but I narrowed down my list to games I actually got to play instead. Okay, enough teasing let's get scandalous.
Senran Kagura is a series about a group of rival female ninja schools that ultimately play like Dynasty Warriors. You can go on missions with different factions, each with different girls, who all have altering abilities and weapons. It’s repetitive, but because of the diverse character roster, it’s actually pretty fun. There are three main games available in North America right now including Burst, Shinovi Versus, and Estival Versus. The alarming thing about these games is that taking hits will remove clothing (even to the point of nudity), although all the proper bits will be censoring with shining stars. As if this wasn’t enough you can dress up your combatants. When you start to prod them, they begin to make some questionable noises. Burst is a 3DS game, so the breasts actually come at you. You can watch me try the latest game, Estival Versus, because deep down you know you want to. Shh, I won’t tell.
Monster Monpiece is a tactical card-based RPG and another simple, but fun little concept. You go around the world map fighting other card battlers to restore peace to the kingdom. Every card is represented by a woman, be it: warrior, archer, mage, and so forth. Some of the illustrations are a bit, er, let’s say revealing, but for the most part, they just look cool. That is to say, until you need to (literally) rub your system in order to power them up. What does this do? Rubbing removes clothes because of course, and a card will be more powerful nude than it is with armor. Totally makes sense don’t question it. In Japan, it’s even more explicit. It was toned down in other regions so that less clothing was removed, but still, the actions are odd enough no matter how much material you toss aside.
The controversy in Grand Theft Auto III sparked interest in developers who wanted to create more sexually explicit content on the PS2. One of these glorious experiments was The Guy Game, which has a lot of shady history behind it. First of all, it’s essentially a trivia game mashed up with Girls Gone Wild. It’s all FMV, filmed during spring break or something where a host asks a series of questions to unsuspecting girls. Here’s the kicker. You’re not supposed to guess the right answer, but instead are tasked with choosing what you think the girl will respond (which turns it into a game of psychology). If the girls on screen get it wrong, they flash their bits, but they start off censored. The more you play, the less censored everything gets, but it’s a lot of work to get to that point and listening to both the host and the girls is more punishing than any sexually hungry teen deserves. I have a video of myself playing this as well if you don’t believe me.
Another game to hit shelves around the same time frame was the aforementioned BMX XXX. Tony Hawk’s name was synonymous with good “Xtreme” sports games back in the PS1 and PS2 days so there came to be a lot of copycats. Instead of releasing just a straight up trick bike game, the developers at Z-Axis tried to make it into an open sandbox akin to GTA with lame jokes aplenty. You can create custom characters including girls without tops, which is, of course, the most “Xtreme” any biker can get. The most notable thing is the ability to unlock videos containing real life strippers — albeit in very short clips. They’re not very good either and are “Xtremely” compressed. Dave Mirra, a famous BMX artist, was going to have his name on the game until he found out that the game was going to feature this explicit content. What an “Xtreme” burn. Are you “Xtremely” annoyed by now?
Way before BMX XXX and The Guy Game, there was an even worse title by the name of Hooters Road Trip. I’m not sure what I’d be more uneasy stepping into: Hooters, or a strip club. The restaurant chain has mediocre food with women you’re literally meant to ogle, but not too much because that would be weird. At least at a strip club everything is clearly spelled out for you. Yes, look at us! Anyway, this is an awful driving game. Not a race. You just drive across the country trying to stop by Hooter establishments along the way. There’s no nudity whatsoever, but there are Hooters actresses, if you want to call them that, giving you encouragement along the way. If you’re that hard up to see women that you have to play this game, whoa, you’re definitely a 90s kid.
Okay, so you’re a male protagonist sent to hell to rehabilitate a group of female prisoners within questionable age ranges. It’s a dungeon crawler RPG and fairly basic at that, but rather punishing — which is fitting considering the nature of the game. Ages aside, in order to teach these girls moves you have to enter a harem-area and use points to literally whip them into shape. The girls find themselves in let's say, compromising positions. Like Monster Monpiece it was censored in North America with pink mist obscuring the girls as you whip them into shape. It’s uncomfortable to play, let alone being way too hard for the vibe it’s trying to go for. Also, it has random encounters so screw this game right back to hell ... where it came from.
Let’s pick things back up with another (actually) good game, that just happens to have a little bit of uneasy content. Killer Is Dead stars Mondo, an assassin, who moonlights as a gigolo. You can escort a few different women in a sort of mini-game, wherein you can give them presents. If they like you, they’ll grant you bonuses, which is all well and good, but the kicker here is Mondo’s x-ray glasses. They are used for a mini-game inside a mini game that allows the player to peek at the client’s undergarments. But that’s it. If you get caught: no bonuses for you. It’s almost like a stealth peep show. For a game all about creating fountains of blood from your enemies, it’s quite odd.
Another game that implements X-ray visuals is Gal Gun: Double Peace. The plot revolves around a young Cupid in training who accidentally shot the hero up with a powerful pheromone that attracts girls of all ages to throw themselves at you. It may sound like a dream come true, but when they act like a horde of zombies, I think it would be overwhelming. The gameplay handles like an on-rail shooter similar to an arcade experience like House of the Dead (to really cement that zombie analogy deeper). Shooting these girls with your heart gun will essentially make them orgasm and drop down from exhaustion. Zooming in will let you look at their underwear, and a special attack will let you prod these girls in all the right places in order to make their climax more extreme. While this may seem rather perverse, it’s through the lens of a whacky anime aesthetic like Senran Kagura.
Why would you want to bother with these last two game’s X-ray mechanics when you could actually rip the clothes off of girls to see their underwear instead? Oh, but here’s a little bit of a twist. Ladies, you can see some buff young boys too. Anyway, there’s a point to all of this. Vampires are running around the famous Japanese pop and nerd district of Akihabara. You and your gang of misfits have the power to fight back, which involves you tearing away their clothes. You’re doing this in order to expose their skin to sunlight. It may be a bit pervy, but it’s so over-the-top that it’s just plain silly and a lot of fun to mess around with. The most offensive thing about the game is the load times quite frankly.
Diving into the arcade scene is perhaps the seediest place to go in terms of looking at naked women. Not teases with skimpy outfits either. I’m talking full nudes. Pixels, Hentai-esque artwork, or just digitized models can represent the girls. Where were these arcade games when I was a kid, how are there so many, and where would these things even be housed to keep them away from children? Regardless of those quandaries most of these games are essentially copycats of puzzle games. For example, Funny Bubble is basically like Zuma wherein you shoot bubbles to pop other bubbles before they overwhelm you. There is one big exception: unlike Zuma, there is a naked anime girl in the background. So it gives you something to look at while you play, which I guess is cool, but kind of unnecessary and a lazy.
Even retro consoles like the NES are lousy with unlicensed nudie games. Bubble Bath Babes was the first one I uncovered, and for the most part, it’s also rather innocent (even though it features nude women). The gameplay is similar to Tetris where a naked woman is, to my best guess, farting out different collared bubbles that you need to match and pop for a high score. There are actually two versions of this game with Bubbles Bath Babes being the uncensored version while Mermaids of Atlantis was a more toned down version replacing the nude female with a clothed mermaid. Again, as the model is just pixels it’s pretty tame, but you can judge that for yourself.
It’s pretty much a guaranteed fact that if you find Second Life on anyone’s computer Desktop, they’re probably into some kinky stuff. Before my days as a journalist, I decided to jump into this world with two other friends to see what it was all about. Not all of the insidious rumors about it were true, but yes, while there are wholesome things about the game, most of it, like the Internet itself, is filled with porn. You can be a stripper at a dance club and ask for money, dress up like a furry and yiff all over the place, or go to a sex dungeon and just get railed, or do the railing if you want. The graphics, to this day, are still so bad that I’d rather play Bubble Bath Babes to get my freak on. While my friends and I had some fun, Second Life is an uncomfortable and janky place to visit.
If you really want to get your furry freak flying then why don’t you try Hatoful Boyfriend, which is a dating simulation game involving a young girl flirting with pigeons. I’m talking a flesh and blood girl going after feathered birds. There’s no actual sexual activity going on, so it’s pretty harmless. Still, the idea of trying to set up this girl with birds isn’t very appealing to me despite the fact that the writing is actually very good and I’m all for wacky concepts. The truth behind why these birds can talk is brilliant, but I don’t want to spoil that here. I suggest you look it up if you’re curious, but yeah a bird dating game may make people afraid of you. Just saying.
How could I not mention Dead or Alive Xtreme 3 in this list? To those unaware, this spinoff series began on the original Xbox as a volleyball game. As most people gravitated toward the mini games of dressing up girls and looking at their bikini lines (instead of practicing their sports skills), the developers rebranded it with just the Xtreme moniker, as if to say, "Okay, we all know what you’re here for." The first two games were localized outside of Japan, but the third one, which just released in 2016, was not. Despite the fact that English subtitles were included in the Asian versions of the game. It’s no more revealing than any of the others, so why they stopped now is beyond me. Even the PR statement sent out is pretty brazen. You could read that, or you could just totally watch me having fun in the sun with these bodacious babes, brah.
It’s been awhile since I ended a feature with an Atari game, but here we are! This is probably one of the most infamous games on the system and in gaming overall. In case you missed this “gem,” let me begin with some U.S. history. General Custer is most known for losing, aka dying, at the Battle of Little Bighorn to Native Americans. The premise of Custer’s Revenge focuses on his ghost coming back to attack Native American women to quell his fury. That's not what the back of the box says, but my explanation is better. It’s like that movie Ghost, but with 100% more arrow dodging and assault. As it is an Atari game, I don’t find it visually harmful, but the subject matter, on the other hand, is certainly a case of, 'what the hell were those developers thinking!?"