At some point, most gamers have envisioned themselves inside of a video game scenario, imagining exactly how they'd react to the events that they've played out onscreen hundreds of times. At the bare minimum, we've all dreamed of how we'd react in the case of a zombie outbreak - we'd all pick up the nearest weapon and be a complete badass, obviously.
Not matter how well we think we'd fare in such circumstances, there's always one thing that we can agree on: we need a badass weapon in order to ensure that we survive as long as humanly possible and take out that big boss, if we can. Depending on the circumstances, we'd choose a weapon that suits what exactly is happening; normally a sword, baseball bat, chainsaw or gun, something that's reliable, effective and pretty logical.
Some video game protagonists - and some antagonists - didn't seem to get that memo, however, and over the years have dragged out some of the most ridiculous weapons possible, with the majority of these putting the "knife to a gun fight" saying to shame. While some video game weapons might make a little bit of sense for the character, often-times, they just make no sense whatsoever.
15 Blitzball - Final Fantasy X
The Final Fantasy series has veered rapidly from realistic to goofy depending on the installment, but sometimes the series can run straight overboard when it comes to ridiculousness. While we're not expecting to see an AK-47 in any of the Final Fantasy installments, we'd at least expect that all of the weapons that we're able to use actually make sense.
And this is where Wakka's Blitzball comes in; Blitzball being a popular sport in Final Fantasy X, it should come as no surprise that expert player Wakka would keep one close most of the time. However, it starts to get a bit ridiculous when Wakka decides to use it as his chief weapon when it comes to fighting enemies throughout the entire game. Maybe it makes sense to someone, somewhere.
14 Blitzkreig - Dead Rising 2
Dead Rising 2's weapons don't tend to make a lot of sense outside of the game world, due to the fact that players can pretty much create whatever they want with what they have. However, there is one pre-made weapon that takes the cake; the Blitzkreig.
While the prospect of being stuck in a wheelchair while being chased by hordes of zombies doesn't sound too appealing, when said wheelchair has three automatic weapons attached, it starts to look pretty cool. It doesn't make too much sense, but it's definitely something that you'd be willing to use. Add in the fact that it's got a built in program called Fred that taunts zombies when they're getting their brains blown out and you've got yourself a pretty comfortable killing machine.
Just who exactly is Fred named after? And why does he hate zombies so much? How did Fred become Fred? This all makes no sense!
13 Gun-Chucks - Bayonetta
Nun-chucks are a great weapon when it comes to melee combat - and probably a lot of fun when it comes to zombie bashing - and guns are an amazing weapon when it comes to pretty much anything. So, it'd make a lot of sense for any video game protagonist to have either weapon, or both - after all, a good protagonist always has a solid melee weapon and a solid long range weapon.
What doesn't make sense, though, is when a protagonist decides to combine a gun and a pair of nun-chucks to create the unholy mess of a weapon called the Gun-Chucks, one of the weapons of choice in Bayonetta. So many questions come to mind when you even hear of the Gun-Chucks: How do you aim? Do the guns go off when you chuck? What were you on when you came up with Gun-Chucks?
While some video game weapons will at least be practical, Bayonetta's Gun-Chucks seem like they'll serve no use outside of being a conversation started: "Hey, who shot me?!" "Sorry, still trying figure out how to aim my Gun-Chucks."
12 Dolls - Final Fantasy X
Ah, Final Fantasy X, you really are the laughing stock of the franchise when it comes to weapons - and laughing scenes. First we get the equivalent of a football and now we get are a little girls toys. Lulu is supposed to be the Guardian of a Summoner, charged with protecting her on a pilgrimage, and she decides to arm herself with a variety of dolls.
As badass as Lulu might look, this just makes the fact that her weapon is the video game equivalent of a five year old girl throwing a temper tantrum even more ridiculous. In face, it might have made even more sense if she actually was a five year old girl. At least Wakku had a reason for using a Blitzball.
11 Cup & Ball - Samurai Warriors
Everyone thinks of pretty much exactly the same thing when they think of Samurai; fiercely intimidating warriors armed with a sword and a variety of knives. But then we get Oichi in the Samurai Warriors franchise.
Meant to add a 'cute' element to the franchise, Oichi is a stark contrast to most of the other characters; a bit naive and dressed in a color scheme in stark contrast to most of the rest of the cast, her main weapons makes her stand out even more as she tackles enemies with nothing more than a cup and ball.
As she grows up however, she matures, learning that a cup and ball may not be the best weapon to take into battle and instead she upgrades to a...hula-hoop. Well, um...Moving on.
10 Teddy Bear - Prince of Persia: Warrior Within
Ah, Prince of Persia, you tick pretty much all of the boxes when it comes to being able to enjoy a game; a decent storyline, a somewhat likeable protagonist and enemies that provide a challenge when we need it the most. There's not much else we need when it comes to crafting a memorable franchise, other than weapon that stands out from the crowd.
What's that? A teddy bear? Just for me to fight all of the big bad enemies with? It doesn't do much damage, but lets me heal myself anytime I hit an enemy? Well, you shouldn't have. Really, you shouldn't have.
9 Nevan - Devil May Cry 3
The Devil May Cry series may not be known for having the most realistic of weapons, but at least most of the weapons that Dante and co. wield are sensible. This all changed when Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening was released, and we got a weapon that many people either want to forget, or won't be forgetting anytime soon; Nevan.
Nevan is an electric guitar/scythe that, instead of being used to actually hit enemies with, needs to be played (like any good guitar) in order to release electrified bats that are fired at enemies. Hey, at least the bats look cool.
8 Keyblade - Kingdom Hearts
The Kingdom Hearts franchise doesn't set out to make too much sense as far as actual logic is concerned - after all, the games feature talking animals that walk on their hind legs - but you'd think that there would be some logic when it comes to the type of weapons that they use.
While a key may be a somewhat family friendly object (no parent is going to object to an over-sized key), Sora's keyblade leaves players wondering where exactly the 'blade' part of the equation factors in. Needing an over-sized key for some over-sized doors makes sense, but using it as a weapon is a bit of a stretch.
7 Dubstep Gun - Saints Row IV
Even though the original Saints Row tried to keep the story, and everything else in the game, realistic, Saints Row 2 took things in a decidedly more ridiculous direction, featuring over the top violence and rag-doll physics that'd put a cartoon to shame. And this wackier direction is evidenced in some of the games less traditional weaponry.
While initial Saints Row games brought out the giant dildo, it probably wasn't the most nonsensical weapon that the franchise trotted out - after all, a three foot long dildo could knock a reasonable person out cold. Saints Row IV decided to take matters even further - though they made matters decidedly less sexual - by breaking out the Dubstep Gun.
Yeah, a gun that shoots Dubstep; that is, Dubstep the music, and not some form of physical version of noise. One of the more powerful weapons in the game, at least when they're not upgraded, the gun can take out dozens of enemies in the space of minutes, leading many players to think: why? Well, Dubstep can make most players' ears bleed, so maybe there is some sense in it...
6 Gunblade - Final Fantasy VIII
Guns and swords are two weapons that you'd expect to see in any JRPG, with many entries in the genre experimenting with the looks and abilities of both. One thing that many players wouldn't have seen before, however, is the Gunblade and no, it's not a gun with a bayonet on it. More like an unholy offspring that should never existed.
While Final Fantasy VIII players would be able to wrap their head around the gunblade, the fact that Squall - a gunblade "expert" - never fires a single bullet with the gun part of his weapon is what really boggles the mind. Throughout the game, he mainly uses it as a handle for the sword, so basically the gun is just a fancy hilt, maybe?
5 Pegasus - Dead Rising 2: Off The Record
Ah, Dead Rising, you weird, wonderful game franchise; you've given us some of the most ridiculous moments in gaming history, so it's no wonder that you'd try take the cake when it comes to most ridiculous weapon. You've already given us the wheelchair/tank Blitzkreig, but Pegasus really takes the biscuit.
As a mini-sequel to Dead Rising 2, Off The Record brought us some of the weirder aspects of the franchise, if that's even possible, but the crowning glory is Pegasus. Made from sticking as much explosives as possible inside a toy pony on a stick, Pegasus gives us some grand visuals once shoved in a Zombie; once gored, said zombie will go flying before giving us a 4th of July level explosion of zombie guts and fire, igniting any other zombies unfortunate enough to be nearby.
4 Buster Sword - Final Fantasy VII
A sword! Finally something that makes sense in a game where you'll be fighting countless enemies. Seems like Cloud Strife knows what he's doing after all, regardless of whether or not he's actually remembering his back-story right.
As much as a sword makes sense in a JRPG, the Buster Sword takes the saying 'the bigger, the better' to a whole new level, with Cloud's weapon of choice being about the same size that he is. And it's not like some of the other swords he can equip are much better - most of Cloud's swords are between five and six feet long, plus girth! At least Sephiroth was sensible enough to make sure that his weapon didn't weigh too much.
3 Mk 2 Lancer Assault Rifle - Gears Of War
Gears of War is well known for being pretty badass - everything from the Locust to the COG and their weapons just screams over the top insanity, regardless of how realistic it may be presented. However, there is one gun that's so over the top that it borders the wrong side of nonsense, that being the Mk 2 Lancer Assault Rifle, more commonly known as the Chainsaw Gun.
When it comes to battling a Horde of bug creatures on steroids, the best thing you can have at hand are either a chainsaw or an assault rifle. Combine both and you get a really bad case of 'how does this not explode?' As awesome as it is to be able to chainsaw-shoot your way through your enemies, sometimes you just have to ask yourself how it's even happening.
2 Sheepinator - Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando
Ratchet & Clank has always been a great franchise and ever since the original game's release, it's pretty much always veered towards the sillier end of the spectrum; quite frankly, it doesn't take itself too seriously, giving fans a nudge and a wink almost everytime it can slip in a 4th wall break.
But at a certain point, players have to question how much logic has gone into a game series; with Ratchet & Clank, that point was the Sheepinator, which transforms enemies into, you guessed it, sheep. Add in the Black Sheepinator, which transforms enemies into exploding sheep, and pretty much all sense has been tossed out the window.
1 Fat Man - Fallout
The Fallout franchise has always kept things as logical and sensible as possible when it comes to envisioning a post-apocalyptic wasteland; the irradiated hellscape features mutations that you'd pretty much expect to occur, as well as weapons that are not too far off what we've developed already.
But there's one exception to this; the Fat Man, first introduced in Fallout 3. While dropping a nuke on a bunch of mutants you need to kill seems pretty simple, the fact that the Fat Man's range isn't too far means that about nine times out of 10, you're pretty much going to end up blowing yourself to kingdom come. And that's not counting if you use it indoors...