Every game world has its own special set of rules that everyone has to follow. For many of those games, and especially the ones that try and imitate life as closely as possible, those rules will be quite familiar. Jump from too high a height and you’ll take damage or even die. Shoot fire at your enemies to kill them and avoid setting yourself ablaze at the same time. Stay too long underwater and you’ll drown, and so on and so forth.
But as it turns out, it’sreallyhard to make a game that’s like real life. Eventually, the digital world can’t quite keep up with the real one and programmers have to start cutting corners. Maybe that edge-case of physics will have items careening all over the room at the gentlest caress, or maybe the social programmers can’t tell the difference between accidentally picking up an item and outright theft, and suddenly the whole town is out with torches and pitchforks.
Skyrimis a beautiful game that tries to feel as immersive and life-like as possible, but just as all games before, the developers eventually couldn’t make the game any better. This meant that certain aspects ofSkyrim’s functioning world seem a little…off.
And sometimes they seem outright bizarre.
Naturally, the internet immortalized every quirkSkyrimever had in meme form for our everlasting enjoyment. Here are 25 of the better ones.
25 Be Sure To Get Vaccinated This Ataxia Season
Medical science in Skyrim is actually pretty impressive. It seems that no matter where you go there's somebody around that will be able to pick out exactly what ailment afflicts you regardless of how much armor you're wearing. And in Skyrim, you wear a lot of armor.
The question remains, how could they possibly know what physical malady you suffer from behind enough armor to stop a dragon's fiery breath? It could be the smell, but given this is a medieval-European kind of fantasy world (and the fact there are no bathtubs in any of the houses you break into) it seems unlikely that anyone would be able to pick out a specific aroma from the rich bouquet that surely haunts everyone.
More likely it's just magic, and everyone that takes one look at you and sees disease just has some fine attunement to the restorative arts. Or they're trying to sell you a healing potion. Either or.
24 Your Power Of Disguise Is Truly Impressive
This actually happens a few times during the game: you're given a disguise that seems to hardly cover an inch of the many spikes and blades that jut from your armor, and then you walk into an Imperial encampment like you own the place with everyone believing you are who you say you are. Or would say, if you ever managed to utter something other than "Fus-Ro-DAAH!!!!"
At no point in Skyrim is this quirk made worse than during the quest to murder the Emperor. Disguised as a chef, you infiltrate the Imperial castle and poison his meal. Your disguise involves a single letter saying you're "The Gourmet", and a chef's hat. That's it. That's all it takes to get inside the most heavily defended castle in all of Tamriel.
Seems legit.
23 Gaint Airways - The Only Way To Fly
I get that giants are enormous creatures with the power to rival dragons, but it still seems somewhat improbable that a single swipe from their giant clubs will send any Dragonborn rocketing into the ionosphere. Or catapulted from Whiterun to Riften and then back again in less time than it takes to tell Lydia you won't be home in time for dinner.
Once again, the answer can only be magic. Every giant is imbued with Telekinesis upon birth, which is then channeled via their club so that every strike hits with the fury of a thousand hurricanes. One swipe and it's off to the top of High Hrothgar on a one-way ticket to Sovrengarde. Hope you enjoyed your flight.
22 So, Why Wasn't She Wearing That Daedric Armor?
Fashion in Skyrim is everything. I know I went around the beautiful vistas and fjords in nothing but leather armor for the longest time before I was able to make Elven armor. And then I used Elven armor even after I got access to Daedric armor. It just didn't seem like the kind of thing a hero of the people would wear.
That's my thinking on why the various bandits and low-lives you run across in Skyrim will have incredible armor hiding in a chest but are never actually wearing it when you decide to raid their encampment. When you're a bandit, you gotta wear bandit clothes so that everyone around you knows you're a bandit, y'know? Start wearing Daedric armor and everyone will think you're a demon prince, and nobody likes to be friends with a demon.
21 I Didn't Want To Fast Travel Anyway...
There so inconsequential, but you can't ignore a mud crab. Why? Because first they'll just stop you from fast traveling, but then after they've tracked you halfway across Skyrim they'll stop you from bugging out when a horde of bears and dragons show up. Then you'll wish these little bastards were never born.
Then there was that one quest where you had to kill the giant, ghostly mudcrab. After that I never let a mudcrab escape. I was a like a terrible, genocidal warlord who's only mission was to cleanse Skyrim of every mudcrab I could find. And yet no matter where I went there was always more mudcrabs to slaughter. It was endless.
I think I finished the game with about 300 mudcrab legs and a recipe for some amazing mudcrab stew.
20 The Birth Of A Dragonborn
Dragonborn sort of creates a literal image that isn't quite accurate. A Dragonborn isn't actually born from a dragon, as amusing as that would be. He or she are born normally but with the soul of a dragon, with dragons apparently being Buddhist in the Elder Scrolls.
Buddhist. Because reincarnation is a thing- y'know what? I don't have time to explain theology here.
Anyway, the deal is that some long-dead Dragon soul gets reincarnated in some random mortal's soul and that gives the Dragonborn the power to steal other Dragon souls and shout 'em back at them. Or something. Really it's not all that clear even in the lore how this whole soul absorption thing works.
19 That's Some Pretty Impressive Capacity...
Did you ever stop and think about just how much crap you're hauling around? A dozen short swords, a few sets of armor, maybe a shield or six - all that gear should really way a guy down. And that's not even counting the hundreds of potatoes or thousands of weighty gold coins you'll gather throughout your journey.
Where do you keep them all? Is Dragonborn armor just filled with pockets that can contain far more than seem physically possible? Are Dragonborn just able to carry hundreds of pounds of equipment for hours on end, sprinting from Dragons and Bears whenever the need arises? And why can a single thistle suddenly cause a Dragonborn to become soo overburdened they can barely move?
We may never know the answers.
18 Horses Are The Best Security Systems
Sneaking is, almost by necessity, one of the skills that I always get to 100 pretty early on. Being able to break into people's houses at will is something too good to pass up. It opens so many more doors than just the one who's house you just broke into, like being able to stab people in the back, being able to snipe them from afar, or just being able to hide from the guard when you accidentally break some local laws.
However, there's one creature that forever ruins this method of gameplay, and that's the unsuspecting horse. This four-legged beast of burden will always tip off the guards whenever you're trying to perform some nefarious deed, horses apparently being able to speak to guardsmen in the world of Skyrim. It's both annoying and inexplicable.
17 End An Emperor Or A Chicken
Speaking of overzealous farm animals, chickens are perhaps more sacred in Skyrim than a Hindu cow. Lay one hand on a prized poultry and literally, everyone in town will be gunning for your hide.
And yet, slay the Emperor of Tamriel and nobody bats an eye. It's almost like they expected the Emperor to die at some point in your journey so you get a free pass. Even stranger, the death of the Emperor doesn't even result in any kind of upheaval in the realm or affect the ongoing rebellion of the Storm Cloaks.
But even look at a chicken funny and the entire town will come after you like you murdered the Mayor's daughter. Maybe even worse than that.
16 Draugr Are Surprisingly Into Fresh Fruits
Draugr are originally an ancient Viking legend where wrongfully killed warriors will rise from the dead and come after the one who wronged them. In Skyrim they're basically ancient warriors that get zombified in service of their Dragon Lord. It's not a glamorous gig, but it pays the bills.
It also involves stocking their ancient and cobweb-filled dungeons with fresh produce it seems since spelunking down any Draugr cavern will inevitably result in you finding fruits in vegetables inside chests and jars. Why do Draugr still provide visits with fresh fruit? And where do they get the fruit in the first place?
I can only imagine a Draugr showing up at a Whiterun market, handing over a few gold coins with a tortured grumble and then shambling back home with a sack of produce in tow.
15 The Laws In Skyrim Are Weird
There are a lot of things that make sense when dealing with the town guard. Kill a citizen, steal their stuff, break into their home, and naturally the guards will be a little upset with you.
Things get a little weird when you decide to do the guards a solid and off a few bandits. They have absolutely no problem with you killing some low-lives that are just out to kill the streets with blood and skooma, but the moment you actually try and steal from them, and now you've got two problems: bloodthirsty bandits out for your neck and idiot guards enforcing the law.
Unfortunately, programming contextually accurate law enforcement officials is a little tricky, so the guards just do as they're programmed which can result in some ridiculous legal conundrums. Of course, you could just kill all of them and let Akatosh sort 'em out.
14 Freakin' Bears, Man...
I'll be honest, I fear bears more than I fear Dragons. Dragons are fairly predictable, have relatively low damage so long as you stay out of range of their bite, and in the end, you get a soul and some bones for your trouble.
Bears, on the other paw, are lunatics. They'll charge at you from the middle of the woods with absolutely no warning and maul you bloody. And they're far stronger than Dragons as their damage scales with your level a little better than a Dragon's does. Bears can never be ignored, either, as they'll chase you down from one end of Skyrim to the other.
Worst of all, they have absolutely no fear. With bears, only one of you will survive.
13 There Is More Than One Way To Climb A Mountain
Skyrim is a land filled with gorgeous vistas and beautiful mountains. The only problem is you need to climb a lot of those mountains, or those mountains are in between you and your destination. Going around the mountain is both time-consuming and feels like a personal admission of defeat, as though the mountain itself is some enemy that can be bested.
And so, without fail, every Skyrim player will instead spend more time cross-jumping up every jutting stone rather than walk around the mountain. Or even just taking the well-marked path that most mountains have already. Getting to the summit can feel like the greatest triumph the game could ever provide.
12 Timeout - It's Snack Time
Let's see if this sounds familiar: you're in a dark dungeon, you've already been ambushed by an Ice Wraith summoned by several Necromancers, and now there's a horde of Draugr hot for your Dragonborn blood. You're already down to half health and you're out of healing potions. What do you do?
Time to sit down and have a smorgasbord!
It's a pretty standard trope in RPGs to heal yourself for a small amount with every meal, but Skyrim takes it to be a bit of an extreme. First, you can carry a hundred meals in your backpack if you really wanted to, and second, you can sit down and have breakfast, lunch, and dinner in the middle of a fight whenever you like.
Just remember to bring some for the Draugr. They like fresh produce, I hear.
11 I Guess That Mudcrab Was A Mage
Another RPG trope is random loot drops. For hack-and-slash adventure games, where loot drops are as much a part of the world as air or water, it makes sense. In Skyrim, a game that tries to usher in a new era of immersion, it seems a little weird when that mudcrab corpse suddenly produces an epic magic wand.
But it happens more often than not in Skyrim. For some reason, random forest creatures can turn out to be epic mages in their own right - although they don't seem to use any spells against you even as you descend upon them like a whirling dervish. Even stranger is the fact that many of the weapons seem to be larger than the creature itself, making it impossible for it to have been contained in the first place.
10 It's Not Stealing If The Text Is White
The residents of Skyrim are at once strangely charitable and oddly not. Take Ulfberth War-Bear at Warmaiden's: nearly half of his inventory he's completely fine with you taking away, but try and take that plain dagger lying on the table and he'll have your hide.
He's not the only one. Arcadia seems totally fine with you lifting a few ingredients for your potions, and even stingy Belethor seems fine with you nicking a few plates and cups.
This would all make sense if the items that you're not allowed to take were jewel encrusted or particularly high level, but it seems to be completely random like the game is just trying to teach you the difference between stealing and taking. It leads to some awkward conversations at the trading table.
9 The Wind Is Quite Deadly In Skyrim
There's a reason every character I've ever played in Skyrim inevitably ends up as a sneaky assassin. The ability to kill your opponents one-by-one without them ever catching on to the deadly murderer in their midst is just way too strong to pass up.
And it makes absolutely no freakin' sense. A man drops dead beside you with an arrow in the neck, and what's your first reaction? Maybe calling for help? Drawing your sword? Lighting every candle and torch so the place lights up like Yankee Stadium, revealing your clever hiding spot?
Nope. Just the wind. Back to munching on bread and continuing a conversation with my now dead compatriot. Seems legit.
8 Like A Bull In A China Shop
There have been times when the barest nudge on a dinner table will cause a platter of fish to go careening off into the night, never to be seen again. Then there are other times when jostling the same table will cause a tankard of ale to vibrate endlessly but produce enough noise to convince you that Skyrim is the most geologically active area in all of Tamriel.
The best though is when you shoot a fireball into a kitchen and count how long it takes for the cutlery to stop bouncing off the walls. I've actually done in Markarth's canteen on one save file, and every time I go back there I can still hear the unmistakable clatter of forks and knives zooming from one of the room to the next, like a perpetual motion machine. I haven't checked in awhile, but I'm sure if I were to load it up it'd still be bouncing to this day.
7 It's Not Against The Law To Look
For some reason, sneaking up behind someone and taking a peek into their wallet is totally fine in the world of Skyrim. Here it would be considered assault, but there? Totally legal. You can even plant stuff in the guy's pantaloons and nobody bats an eye.
Things change when you take something out of the guy's pants, of course, but until that moment you're just minding your own business. It means that every person you meet is essentially an open bazaar, with the only thing stopping you from taking whatever you want is your Pick-Pocket score.
If only that were how it worked in real life, we'd have a whole lot more societal equality, let me tell you. Or the rich would just have to really work on their passive perception scores.
6 Doors - The Only Enemy A Dragonborn Can Never Defeat
Wooden doors are the standard aperture of most of Skyrim's structures, from Draugr caverns to palatial estates. However, if a wooden bar blocks your way, there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Even if you can cast fireballs capable of slaying dragons, or carry an ax the size of a Toyota, that wooden bar might as well be invincible.
Come to think of it, you can't cut down trees, or set fire to a forest, or hack your way through a Frost Troll's corpse either, even though you really should be able to. And while I'm at it, every home in Skyrim has an open flame pit as a heat source, so why don't I ever see a house burn down?
Everything in Skyrim is just way too flame resistant.