So many people love adorable video game characters, something that I’ve never been able to relate to. Kirby is great and all, but I much prefer the pink puffball when it’s strangely being localized to look like a little action hero. What I’m trying to say is, I just can’t trust all those adorable characters people love.
There’s often a layer of mischief that lingers beneath many of video games' cutest characters, a kind of mischief that is sure to end in nothing but misery. That’s without mentioning how many of those types of characters have those creepy beady eyes that seem to pierce your soul… or maybe that’s just me, and I’m totally alone on that. Either way, if a game character is cute, you can bet I don’t trust it.
10 Toad
What is Toad hiding behind those lifeless eyes? That’s a question I’ve wondered for far too long. People might love the various Toads (and their memes) scattered throughout the Mario games, but I’ve never been too fond of the little creatures.
Here's a question most people probably never thought about, is that white portion of the Toad it’s pants, or is it just part of the Toad itself? There’s just too much I don’t know about the little creature, so I make sure to destroy as many blocks as possible each time I play a Mario game.
9 Kirby
Not trusting Kirby is a little bit different from not trusting other characters. Kirby is the kind of creature anyone could be roommates with, but the issue is, you’ll never know when Kirby is going to eat you and steal your powers.
I’d be looking over my shoulder every moment and jumping in fright at every, “HIII!”. There wouldn’t be much point in absorbing my powers as Kirby would just wind up with the uncanny ability to drink the daily recommended amount of water for the average person. Still, I have no trust in the pink puffball.
8 Pikmin
The Pikmin certainly are a helpful little species, but what I’ve always wondered is, what are they expecting in return? If I ever need a ship to be built, calling for the Pikmin would be smart, but a time will come when they need a favor.
Some say that the Pikmin are adorable creatures, but I say that they’re just waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. They can accomplish anything through the power of teamwork, and that right there is the problem, don't you think?
7 Chao
Sonic’s Chao creatures are widely considered to be adorable. Thanks to the inclusion of the Chao garden in Sonic Adventure 2, the creatures became famous amongst gamers, but I always avoided their little mini-game.
The creatures are harmless enough on the surface, but they can give life to the Chaos Chao, a being that never dies. The little creatures are probably waiting for enough Chaos Chao to take over the world… or the whole thing just makes for a delightful side-mode in a great 3D sonic game.
6 Moogles
Moogles have been featured in both the Final Fantasy series and Kingdom Hearts series rather prominently, showing many versions of the creatures and many unique personalities as well. The thing is, the creatures were originally meant to be cave-dwelling.
I’ve seen my fair share of horror movies, and I am well aware that nothing good comes crawling out of caves. They may often be helpful to the main heroes when they appear, but that hasn’t stopped them from being enemies at times as well.
5 Pac-Man
Anything that can literally eat a ghost should be feared, and nothing will ever change my mind about that. Pac-Man has endless stamina and a hunger that is never satisfied, how could anyone in the world ever trust something like that?
Forget the scariest horror movie creature you’d ever seen, imagine a quiet but dark and stormy night that suddenly becomes willed with, “Waka-Waka-Waka-Waka”. No one would be able to sleep knowing Pac-Man has finally escaped the maze. He may have gotten married and settled down, but I’m convinced that’s just a front for his evil agenda.
4 Jigglypuff
Everyone who’s seen an episode of the Pokemon anime that prominently features Jigglypuff knows exactly why the creature can’t be trusted. It can put almost anything and anyone to sleep at a moment's notice, so if you don’t have ear plugs, you’re done for.
The famous one from the show may have simply liked to draw on people’s faces, but if a Jigglypuff got a bit more ambitious, things could get disastrous. It may be cute, but that little puffball can go find some tall grass to nap in.
3 Shy Guy
I don’t think a creature being shy is enough to make me trust it, even if it is cute. The biggest issue is the creepy mask it wears. The cover story is that Shy Guys are just that, shy, but what if they are actually horrific creatures under the mask?
No one knows what’s under there. It could just be a black void of nothingness, it could be horrifying pincers, or somehow worst of all, an ordinary face. You heard it here first, no one should trust anyone in a full-face mask if they refuse to remove it for any reason.
2 Princess Peach
I’m sure most people would describe her royal highness Princess Peach as a cute character, both in design and in terms of her personality. While she does seem delightful at times, I don’t think anyone can trust someone who gets kidnapped anywhere near as often as she does.
That may sound a little victim-blamey, but hey, have we ever definitely learned that Bowser Jr. isn’t her kid? It’s entirely possible that Peach is a bit more sinister than most heroines, and simply likes the attention that comes with two men fighting over her.
1 Cody And May
The thing with Cody and May from It Takes Two is that while they both seem to mean well throughout the game, they make some less than desirable choices throughout it. I can’t be the only person who will never forget what they did to Cutie the Elephant.
I don’t need the two of them running around my life trying to figure out how to torment me for them to turn back to normal. I don’t need all of my favorite possessions to be destroyed so if the two of them could deal with their relationship drama as far from me as possible, that would be great.