Ash Ketchum has been on his quest to catch ‘em all for almost 24 years, although strangely enough, he hasn’t caught very many of ‘em. Out of the whopping 898 Pokemon currently known to exist, Ash has only managed to snag a measly 77. What’s more, 30 of these are just Tauros. It’s been 24 years, Ash. Come on.

Fortunately, the world’s most famous Pokemon trainer has picked up some pretty great ‘mons along the way. I’ve been experimenting with some of his most famous squads over the last few months to see which of Ash’s teams have been the best. His Pokemon League-winning squad is actually fairly decent, while his current roster in Galar is probably his most powerful one yet.

However, I thought I’d go one step further and build a bonafide dream team based on every Pokemon Ash has ever managed to capture. After six consecutive matches - conducted via the Pokemon Showdown Battle Simulator - I can confidently say that Ash has the means to build an absolute belter of a team. I haven’t lost a single match yet, and to be honest, none of them have been anything other than a complete steamroll.

As a disclaimer, I’m battling in Gen 8 OU. This means I can’t use Dracovish, Naganadel, or Greninja, who are all listed as Uber and are therefore illegal. With that in mind, here’s the dream team I’ve built using Ash’s ‘mons:

Dragonite

Item: Weakness Policy

Ability: Multiscale

Nature: Adamant

Stats: 252 Atk, 4 SpD, 252 Spe

Moves:

  • Dragon Dance
  • Dragon Claw
  • Extremespeed
  • Fire Punch

Hawlucha

Item: Power Herb

Ability: Unburden

Nature: Adamant

Stats: 252 Atk, 4 SpD, 252 Spe

Moves:

  • Sky Attack
  • Acrobatics
  • Close Combat
  • U-Turn

Melmetal

Item: Assault Vest

Ability: Iron Fist

Nature: Careful

Stats: 128 HP, 116 Atk, 252 SpD, 12 Spe

Moves:

  • Double Iron Bash
  • Earthquake
  • Ice Punch
  • Thunder Punch

Buzzwole

Item: Rocky Helmet

Ability: Beast Boost

Nature: Impish

Stats: 252 HP, 144 Def, 112 Spe

Moves:

  • Drain Punch
  • Ice Punch
  • Roost
  • Toxic

Lycanroc

Item: Choice Band

Ability: Sand Rush

Nature: Adamant

Stats: 252 Atk, 4 SpD, 252 Spe

Moves:

  • Accelerock
  • Crunch
  • Drill Run
  • Rock Slide

Talonflame

Item: Life Orb

Ability: Gale Wings

Nature: Jolly

Stats: 252 Atk, 4 SpD, 252 Spe

Moves:

  • Brave Bird
  • U-Turn
  • Flare Blitz
  • Swords Dance

Now, depending on how much you know about competitive Pokemon, this squad might come across as a bit strange. It’s hyper-aggressive, boasting four fast physical sweepers and absolutely no walls, status specialists, or special attackers. However, it still has quite a lot of hidden utility. Dragonite is a perfect lead, being free to set up with Dragon Dance while the opponent sets up hazards, switches out, or feeds Dragonite’s Weakness Policy with a super-effective hit that’s halved by Multiscale. This set - which boasts an unconventional Fire Punch for Steel walls - usually manages to take out at least two or three ‘mons before Dragonite faints or is forced to switch out.

After that, you’ve got Melmetal to deal with any Fairies. Melmetal can also smash Dragon types with an Iron Fist-boosted Ice Punch, as well as take on fellow Steel ‘mons thanks to Earthquake. Hawlucha’s Power Herb makes Sky Attack a single-turn move, which doubles as both a Speed and Attack buff due to the convenient combination of Unburden and Acrobatics. Talonflame offers ephemeral high-impact, running high-risk, high-reward recoil moves executed in tandem with Gale Wings and Life Orb. Buzzwole is a bulky (Ultra) beast (eh? eh?) that’s near impossible to take down once you’ve tidied up its counters, while Lycanroc offers huge utility with Accelerock priority and coverage across types the rest of the squad can’t deal with.

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Now that my team is in good shape, I start finding battles. The first team I come up against is packed with Ghost Pokemon. Dragonite sweeps half the team, before Lycanroc and Melmetal finish off the rest with Choice Band Accelerock and STAB (same-type-attack-bonus) Double Iron Bash, respectively. My second opponent takes one look at my team and forfeits before the match even starts - a lot of people seem to do that when you’re running something a bit less conventional, probably because they recognize you’ve mapped out a strategy.

Admittedly, I make a stupid mistake in match number three by misclicking Fire Punch after my Dragonite had already pulled off two Dragon Dances. The opposing Cloyster eats the punch and takes me out with Icicle Spear, which is fairly annoying. Still, despite being at an instant disadvantage and the match seeming pretty balanced, I manage to take out the Cloyster with Melmetal. Once I smack Garchomp around, the odds quickly snap back in my favour and the other person quits the game. I’m having loads of fun at this point, by the way, but it doesn’t really seem like anybody else is.

I sweep three ‘mons with Hawlucha in the next match. Once I bring out Buzzwole to Ice Punch Dragapult, my fourth opponent forfeits as well. The fifth person gives up before we even start. The sixth person barely manages to touch a single one of my Pokemon. At this stage, I’m six for six without ever losing more than two ‘mons in the same match. I’ve gone mad with power.

If you’re into competitive Pokemon on Showdown, you’ll probably have an idea of how the ladder works. During the run described above, I managed to get a ladder rating of 1,175 in just six games, which is pretty damn flawless. The thing is, with a team like this, it’s not really that difficult. I don’t expect to encounter any serious trouble until I hit about 1,400, which is where you start seeing innovative weather teams and unique synergies. I’ve been up way past that before, for what it’s worth, but you can just as easily get booted out of 1,400 as you can 1,600.

Suffice it to say, Ash Ketchum has a full-on dream team at his disposal. And for some weird reason, he’s consciously choosing not to use it. At the start of this piece I poked fun at Ash for catching less than 100 Pokemon over the course of almost 24 years. But to be completely honest, the real nail in the coffin sealing his self-perceived status as a Pokemon master is that he doesn’t even realize how good he has it. Ash, mate. Don’t bring Pikachu to face Leon at the end of season 23. Give Professor Oak a call and pull Hawlucha out of storage. There’s a good lad. Eejit.

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