It’s only been two days since the tragic revelation came out regarding Batman’s sex life, but it feels like I’ve had Bruce Wayne memes on my timeline for centuries now. In an interview with Variety, the co-creator for DC’s Harley Quinn series detailed a scene he conjured up where Brucey would perform oral on Catwoman, but DC pulled the plug on the idea with the bizarre rationale of, “heroes don’t do that.” Honestly, I think not doing that makes you a villain. And I’m uncomfortable with the idea that we’re making this sweeping generalization about all heroes, because you know what? There’s no damn way Dick Grayson doesn’t do that.
And you know what else? Before you start yelling at me, “Andrea, you can’t canonize your weird fanfiction theories,” I’ll have you know that Tom Taylor, the man currently writing Nightwing, tweeted that precious Grayson is a more giving hero. So, it’s not like I totally made all of this up, it’s based on very important research. But there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell DC’s weird rule applies to a man whose sexy time list is longer than my grocery list. He has repeat customers, and I know it’s not just for his butt.
In fact, when skimming the brilliant #HeroesWhoEat tag, I found that the entire internet immediately had the same thought. We all refuse to believe that someone as powerful as Kory would date someone who wouldn’t make her kitty purr, and Catwoman deserves a better Bruce than the one who’s too good for a little facetime, sorry. I don’t believe it about Bruce Wayne, I don’t believe it about Dick Grayson, Roy Harper, the list goes on.
Don’t get me wrong, there are absolutely people I believe this about in the DC universe. Like, if you said, “Hey Andrea, the Joker doesn’t do that,” I would be like, “Yeah, I buy that, this checks out.” The Joker sucks, and he’s got a track record of heinous crimes. This would just add to the list. He’s definitely a misogynist and would leave you hanging, that’s why he lost his girlfriend and now she’s with Poison Ivy.
Anyway, this whole debacle is silly. And when I look at all of the violence, the gore, every little vulgar thing we’ve seen come from DC and hear that this - freakin’ cunnilingus - is where they draw the line, my eyes roll out of my head and I, too, become the Joker. I’m awfully sick of weirdly puritanical nonsense we often see from stories that aren’t afraid to show you someone getting beat to death or sexually assaulted, but yeah, heroes don’t go down on their girlfriends. In the animated series where we’ve seen things a million times more graphic, this is where we draw the line. Come on, DC - y’all know there’s no way this makes a lick of sense. Ha.