Captain Marvel released in theaters just a few days ago, letting eager Marvel fans ("Marvel" the company, not necessarily "Marvel" the character in this movie) catch a glimpse of the potential savior of the Avengers. While the movie is not a crime against humanity, it is not exactly the greatest achievement in cinema history. Captain Marvel functions as your average, run-of-the-mill super-hero flick. It comes with awe-inspiring moments and wince-inducing flaws in equal measure.
Here's a quick rundown of Captain Marvel: Carol Danvers was a pilot for Project Pegasus, a joint operation between NASA and the US Air Force. Carol's life takes a turn for the marvelous when she runs into some Kree soldiers and they induct her into their service, taking away her memories of her life on Earth in the process. With the Kree, Carol is given the new name of Vers (pronounced "veers") and sent to battle the Skrull Empire. This basic premise sends Carol crashing back to Earth when an operation against the Skrulls goes south.
Honestly, the entire plot of Captain Marvel is difficult to condense into a single, tiny paragraph. So how about instead of delving into the minutiae of the plot, like a boring synopsis, we get into the good stuff. Let's dive into all the things that went wrong with Captain Marvel. Believe it or not, there are plenty of moments that make you scratch your head in puzzlement or drop your jaw in disbelief. Read on if you want to go over those confusing moments from Captain Marvel that made absolutely no sense.
25 That Is Not How An Explosion Is Supposed To Work
In order to prevent a Kree soldier from getting his hands on her mentor's work, Carol shoots at this combustible jet engine made from alien technology before the Kree can reach it. The engine explodes, and the energy from the explosion seeps into Carol's body.
This energy is what later powers her photon blasts. However, that is a very puzzling way for an explosion to behave. You would think the explosion would have torn Carol apart instead of just oozing into her like juice getting onto a paper towel.
24 Security At S.H.I.E.L.D. Must Have Been Pretty Lax
Skrulls make for pretty tricky foes. They have a spooky ability to shape-shift into whatever available form is around. In Captain Marvel, a Skrull named Talos is able to shape-shift into Agent Keller, the boss of a young Nick Fury.
How in the world was Talos, a Skrull new to Earth, able to truss up and replace the head of one of the most covert organizations in the Marvel Cinematic Universe? Clearly, once the Skrulls left, someone at S.H.I.E.L.D. got fired.
23 Mar-Vell Put An Innocent Subordinate In Danger
It is revealed throughout the course of the film that Carol's human mentor was actually a Kree who had defected from her people. Mar-Vell, going by the name Dr. Wendy Lawson, was trying to help the Skrull people instead of hurt them.
Mar-Vell knew the Kree were going to come after her for this. So instead of minimizing casualties and all that jazz, she decided to bring Carol with her on a dangerous mission to bring a lightspeed engine to the Skrulls. Bear in mind that Carol was only human at the time.
22 Nothing Quite Like Endangering Your Best Friend
Carol definitely took a leaf out of her mentor Mar-Vell's book. When it came time to go on the final mission of the movie, Carol invited her best friend from her human years, Maria Rambeau, to go with her.
It is understandable that Carol would want reliable back-up on this mission. But it involved going into space and fighting alien warriors. Maria had a young daughter. If Carol really cared about her friend, wouldn't she have wanted her to stay safe on Earth?
21 Nick Fury Must Have A Compass That Points Directly At Carol
As soon as Carol crash-landed on Earth, she began the hunt for Dr. Wendy Lawson, who she knew the Skrulls were looking for, and answers to her own shrouded past. She eventually made her way to a bar she used to frequent, and who should meet her there but Nick Fury.
Nick Fury only had a car at his disposal and no real clue as to where Carol could have gone after they first met. Yet somehow, he was able to magically show up at this bar as if he had GPS coordinates on Carol.
20 No One Cared About The Decoy Skrull
A plan was made to deceive the Kree soldiers who eventually came looking for Carol on Earth. One Skrull was left behind to impersonate Carol, so when Yon Rogg came looking for her, he would be delayed.
Yon Rogg found out the deception rather quickly. He dispatched the poor Skrull left behind. Did the others, the noble Captain Marvel included, not care what happened to that Skrull? Was he left behind with the knowledge that he would not make it? That does not sound very heroic, in our humble opinion.
19 Ronan Is A Giant Coward In This Movie
We first met Ronan the Accuser in Guardians of the Galaxy. He was a fellow with a big voice and a bigger stick, a stick in the form of an Infinity Stone. In Captain Marvel, Ronan behaves more like a whipped dog.
As soon as Captain Marvel shows up and does her space-god routine, Ronan decides to turn tail and flee. Sure, Carol destroyed one of his ships on her own, but Ronan did not even attempt to fight her; he refused to engage. Ronan the Accuser? More like Ronan the Refuser.
18 Where Did That Flerken Come From?
The breakaway star of Captain Marvel ended up being a cat named Goose. Funnily enough, this "cat" is actually an alien known as a Flerken. He ends up being fairly useful to both Carol Danvers and Nick Fury throughout the course of the story.
However, the big question about Goose's origin is left unanswered.
Where did Goose come from? Why was he just hanging out at the Pegasus facility when Danvers and Fury first found him? This Flerken is clearly keeping his secrets close to his chest.
17 How Does Captain Marvel's Wrist Pad Work?
Part of Carol's uniform as a Kree operative includes a pad on her wrist that lets her do a variety of things. She can call people from it, analyze life-forms with it, and change her uniform's color with it.
When she grows disillusioned with the Kree, she decides to abandon her uniform's regular Kree coloring. She lets the daughter of her human best friend pick her new colors with this wrist pad. The only problem with this kind gesture is that this wrist pad does not look like an intuitive device. How could that little girl have known how to work it?
16 Who Needs To Practice How To Fly?
Toward the very end of the movie, Carol Danvers gains a momentous boost to her powers. In other words, she reaches "god status." This exponential growth to her power gives her the ability to fly.
She learns how to fly in the blink of an eye.
A space battle is raging around her, and she just masters this ability in no time at all. Even Superman had to take some time to practice before learning how to defy gravity on his own. Captain Marvel barely even struggled.
15 Yon-Rogg Left Carol Alive To Defeat Him
After Carol destroyed Mar-Vell's lightspeed engine and absorbed its energy, she got knocked unconscious. Yon-Rogg, who had tried to stop her, could have ended her life right then and there. She had just foiled his plot to get the lightspeed engine, and she was some random human he didn't know.
Instead, Yon-Rogg saved her life. Purportedly, he did so because he was curious about the energy stored within her body. But seriously, the Kree are a civilization with super advanced science and technology. Couldn't they have just pull the energy out of Carol Danvers without keeping her alive?
14 Carol Knows How To Jury Rig An Intergalactic Pay Phone
Carol behaves sensibly as soon as she gets away from her Skrull captors and lands on Earth. She tries to call her fellow Kree warriors to come pick her up. The only problem with that is that her wrist pad was busted. She couldn't use it properly.
What Carol had to do instead was fiddle with a 1990s-era pay phone so that she could make her intergalactic call. We are fairly certain that a pay phone could not be used in this manner. Even modern cell phones might find it a hassle making a call to the far reaches of space.
13 Flying A Plane Is Like Flying A Spaceship
Carol Danvers was a pilot back on Earth. She flew planes as part of Dr. Wendy Lawson's work for Project Pegasus. Later, she was inducted into the ranks of Kree warriors. While there, she must have learned how to fly any kind of spacecraft imaginable.
During the story of Captain Marvel, Carol flies a Kree warship, a Skrull escape pod, an experimental plane, and a regular jet. Carol Danvers' real superpower should be the ability to fly any machine made to roam the skies/stars.
12 The Nick Fury Eye Continuity Error
Captain Marvel surprised fans everywhere by showing us the moment when Nick Fury lost his eye. It was not lost in some epic duel with a fierce foe. Instead, it was scratched out by a cat. (Well, a Flerken, but who's being specific here?)
However, this presents a massive continuity error. In Captain America: Winter Soldier, a photo of Fury being sworn in as head of S.H.I.E.L.D. shows him with both eyes accounted for. Captain Marvel takes place before Fury was head of S.H.I.E.L.D. Looks like this particular factoid was retconned.
11 No One Was Shocked By The Ninja Grandma
One hilarious fight from Captain Marvel was Carol's hand-to-hand fight on a train with a Skrull shape-shifted to look like an old woman. When Carol was fighting the Skrull, some fellow train-goers tried to stop her. Clearly, in their eyes, they saw a strange woman in a uniform beating up the elderly.
But did none of them notice the flips and other acrobatics the grandma was doing? She did not appear to be an ordinary, aged human being. Why did no bystanders try to stop the old lady?
10 Yon-Rogg Can't Keep Secrets To Save His Life
Once Yon-Rogg made the decision to keep Carol Danvers alive and make her forget her past, he should have done everything in his power to ensure she would not remember what had happened to her. Instead, he made a rookie mistake.
Upon finding Carol's dog tag, he read the latter half of her name, the "vers" in "Carol Danvers." He then made the idiotic decision to give her Vers (pronounced "veers") as her new name. First of all, strange that Yon-Rogg, a Kree, can read English. Second of all, why would he name her something that might remind her of who she used to be?
9 How Did Carol Steal Clothes Off A Mannequin In Broad Daylight?
Carol arrived on Earth wearing her Kree uniform. It's a strange outfit to see on a person in public. But when Carol decided she needed a change of clothes, she elected to rip off some clothes on display on a mannequin outside a store.
The sun was shining and everything. How was she able to just get away with that? Plus, where did she change? Did she walk into the store she was stealing from in order to switch her outfit? That's the problem with quick cutaways to other scenes. You don't know what happened in between.
8 Coulson Is Too Trusting A Person
Captain Marvel let us spend some time with young Nick Fury and young Agent Coulson. While the graphic-ed youthfulness of these characters was slightly off-putting, it was nice to see them as fresh-faced novices.
However, when Coulson is faced with the choice of turning Fury into the higher-ups for running off with a potential alien invader (Carol), Coulson lets the two of them go. We know that Fury is trustworthy, but given how new Coulson was to the S.H.I.E.L.D. way of life, that was a terrible move on his part.
7 The Black Box That Never Should Have Been
Talos the Skrull shows Carol the error of her ways when he gives her the black box to the plane she crashed with Mar-Vell. The black box holds a recording that proves the Kree took her against her will and erased her memories.
This moment, while powerful in reversing the course of Carol's path, brings up a lot of problems. How did Talos get a hold of this black box? And, given how explosive the destruction of Carol's jet was when she blew up the lightspeed engine, how could any piece of equipment have survived that?
6 No One Cares About Your Pinball Score
The most moving part of Captain Marvel was when Carol realized that the Skrulls were not evil aliens on the other side of a war. They were a group trying to survive a vicious Kree onslaught. This point is driven home when Carol makes her way to Mar-Vell's lab where a collection of Skrulls are taking refuge.
The Skrulls are initially scared of Carol because she is dressed in a Kree uniform. One Skrull kid, for some reason, tries to show off to Carol by taking her to an old pinball machine and showing her his high score. For no reason should this kid, who must have feared Kree his whole life, want to show a strange, Kree-dressed woman his pinball score.
5 Blockbuster Needs A Better Security Guard
Carol Danvers' fall from space onto an unlucky Blockbuster Video did not go unnoticed. A security guard hanging out in his car that night saw the whole thing. Carol even walked up to him to ask for communication gear.
However, the cops and S.H.I.E.L.D. did not show up until the morning.
So either that security guard did not call them until then, or the cops in that part of town have a really slow response time. No wonder the Skrulls and Kree were able to just waltz onto Earth.
4 Project Pegasus Should Not Be Top Secret
Project Pegasus was where Mar-Vell, disguised as Dr. Wendy Lawson, was able to design her lightspeed engine. This engine was meant to help the Skrulls find a new home. Nick Fury and Carol manage to make their way on site with little to no difficulty when they were trying to uncover what Pegasus was all about.
It's no wonder Fury became concerned with world security after this whole experience. Using a single piece of duct tape, Fury and Carol were able to infiltrate Project Pegasus with absolutely no problems.
3 Yon-Rogg And His Endless String Of Mistakes
For the moment, let's forget that Yon-Rogg made the unfortunate (for him) decision to keep Carol Danvers alive. Let's forget that he gave her part of her original name as her new name when he was still trying to keep her in the dark about her past.
Why, in the name of Stan Lee, would he train Carol to be a Kree warrior? If he wanted to study the effects of the explosion on her body, that's fine. But why would he train someone who was hostile to him at one point to be a better fighter? Yon-Rogg basically enacted his own eventual defeat at her hands.
2 Can You Digest An Infinity Stone?
The last parts to Captain Marvel ended up being a fight to keep the Tesseract out of the hands of the Kree. Carol pretended she had it to keep them focused on her, while Nick Fury, Maria Rambeau, and Goose got the heck out of Dodge with the Tesseract.
Where was the Tesseract, you might ask, while Fury and friends were fleeing? Goose ate it. That's right. Goose the Flerken/cat swallowed up the Tesseract for safekeeping. Aren't Infinity Stones supposed to be dangerous to hold, let alone eat? That is how S.H.I.E.L.D. eventually got their hands on the Tesseract. They had to wait for the kitty to spit it back out.
1 Captain Marvel Could Have Sat Shotgun
At the end of the movie, Carol decides to escort the Skrulls to a safe location where they can make a new home. The movie ends with her flying into space next to a ship filled with hopeful Skrulls.
Carol's newfound powers allow her to fly in space. But why wouldn't she get aboard the ship as well? Is her plan seriously to fly alongside a perfectly comfortable ride as they travel light-years away to a new planet? Does Carol Danvers never tire? Seeing her zip out among the stars makes for a cool ending shot to her movie. However, it makes no logical sense.