F-Zero is a fantastic series of high-speed racing video games that deserve a lot more respect and at least a sequel for Nintendo Switch. The brand name is mostly kept alive single-handedly by Captain Falcon through Super Smash Bros. but the available entries have a cult classic quality to them, being enjoyed by a small group of dedicated fans.
With the franchise being in the lower tier of Nintendo’s intellectual properties, its rich lore remains unknown to the majority of gamers. This is a shame because the series’ story is populated by a tapestry of incredibly absurd characters. Their backgrounds have been explored through instruction manuals, in-game cutscenes, and the occasional anime series.
We are sharing some of the more unusual characters’ backstories as a showcase of the crazy things Nintendo creates when they think no one is looking. And remember: All of these entries are based on real, actual information provided by official Nintendo material.
10 Deathborn, An Immortal Being With Principles
Deathborn is an immortal being who already has the ability to teleport anywhere in space he so desires. He has used this ability many times in the past to strand his enemies at the edge of known space, where they drift aimlessly forever.
He races in the F-Zero Grand Prix in order to claim the belts of both the underworld and overworld championships, because the galactic power of light and darkness are contained within, which would give him the power over life and death.
Since Deathborn can already teleport anywhere… why not just steal them? Why race? Just appear, steal the belts, blink out of there. Deathborn is an overthinker.
9 Octoman, An Octopus Without A Savings Account
Octoman is just your run-of-the-mill octopus with a family and his own financial woes. His planet, Takora, is basically always at odds with the other planets of the Milky Way, and thus, it causes great economic instabilities for his species.
He hopes to win the F-Zero Grand Prix so that he can get some money to send his kids to school and put some food on the table. Basically, Octoman is what would happen if Octodad took place 500 years into the future.
8 Bio Rex, A Foul-Mouthed Dinosaur
The Keerlon Corporation, looking to design the perfect F-Zero racer, broke every law on Earth that banned genetic manipulation to create a human/dinosaur hybrid. The raw power of a T-Rex combined with the intelligence of a human.
Really proud of their (illegal) creation, the corporation entered him into the Grand Prix and showcased him in press conferences and interviews. Tired of the spotlight, Bio Rex embarrassed the Keerlon Corporation which some unsavory public comments, the specifics of which are never mentioned. He was thus dropped from their team and now races for himself.
7 Beastman, Bio Rex Hunter
Poor Beastman, née Christopher Annex, was traumatized as a child when a crocodile nearly ate him. This fear of dangerous animals turned deadly.
As an adult, he decided to start hunting every single predator from his home planet. When this deed was completed, he noticed the new human/dinosaur hybrid named Bio Rex at one of his numerous press conferences. His new objective was established: to protect the other pilots from Bio Rex, defeat it, and then make a helmet out of his skull. Some would call it “overcompensating”, but Beastman is actually seen as a hero in the future.
6 Roger Buster & Draq, Two Honest Delivery Guys
Roger Buster is the owner of a delivery company, where he works with his friend Draq. They are one day tasked with delivering two F-Zero racing machines, none of which have a delivery address on them. Their solution: Enter the machines in the next Grand Prix with themselves as pilots, and hope that the owner of the vehicles will identify them and come forward.
When this doesn’t work… they do it again the next year in the following Grand Prix. And the next one. And the next one. Just two hard-working, blue-collar anti-gravity racers.
5 Silver Neelsen, Your Favourite Crotchety Geezer
This poor guy has been an F-Zero racer for longer than anyone else. In fact, he holds the record for the number of races entered. The problem is, he has never won any of them.
At 98 years of age, his time has obviously passed, but the public seems to love a good underdog story. This is why he still competes, with his fan club hoping he will one day win something, while audacious gamblers put their money on the one bet that would pay more than any other.
Should he ever win, his only plan is to open a museum to his own name to display his memorabilia.
4 The Skull, A Magical Racing Skeleton
As the only member of the F-Zero Grand Prix older than Silver Neelson, Sterling LaVaughn is over 200 years old. He used to be a normal human, but believing the races to be too dangerous, he used “science and black magic” to make himself immortal.
During the F-Max Grand Prix (F-Zero’s more dangerous predecessor), a gruesome accident burned several drivers alive. Sterling was one of them, but being immortal, his skeleton was able to walk away after the flesh was incinerated.
With employment opportunities being obviously slim for a literal skeleton, he has been competing since then as The Skull.
3 Zoda, Would-Be Earth Ruler
As the leader of the Zolorkian Coalition, Zoda wishes to take over Earth and turn it into a refueling station/gambling den for his gang of galactic criminals. Such a lofty plan necessitates funding, so winning a few F-Zero Grand Prix seems like a good opportunity to mix business and fun.
It also seems tedious and extremely long-winded compared to your run-of-the-mill criminal enterprises, but maybe that’s why he’s the evil mastermind and not us. He also happens to be a fugitive actively wanted on many planets, none of which apparently watch F-Zero races, with bounty hunter Captain Falcon being the only one to do anything about it.
2 Mighty Gazelle, Who Is A Cyborg And Not A Gazelle
Mighty Gazelle, real name unknown, used to be a photographer who would pass the time by beating the neighborhood kids at the popular F-Zero video games. He thought his gaming talent could translate to the real thing and decided to try his luck.
His first Grand Prix ended in a terrible crash that killed four and nearly claimed his own life. The only way to rebuild him was to turn him into a cyborg. His wife disapproved of the change and left him during recovery. With nothing left to lose, he dedicated his time to F-Zero races.
1 Billy, A Monkey With A Mid-Life Crisis
Planet Odyapes is host to a race of monkeys that are actually much more physically imposing than humans. Billy, real name Eeeach Koo-koo-koo Yia, was part of his species “special” program. He was taught human languages, improved his communication skills, and learned customs from another planet with a single objective in mind: Participating in F-Zero races.
You read that right: A species of aliens dedicated all their scientific resources to the goal of racing cars really fast. He has now been competing for two years despite only being seven years old, but since his species only lives to 16, time is running out.