Fallout is one of those games that habitually gets a little bit out there. I remember the first time I booted up Fallout 3 and used V.A.T.S. on some guy at close range and instantly fell in love. Not to say I'm a the kind of person who likes doing things like that. Because really, I'm not. I swear. Okay, fine. Maybe a bit.
The wasteland isn't a place for meek hearts, weak stomachs, social justice warriors, or political correctness. There's just no room for first world problems. The Earth has been devastated by nuclear war and it's our job as gamers to survive and thrive in this scenario that eventually gives us nukes to shoot out of glorified railguns.
So grab your Nuka-Colas because hopefully some of these comics make you sick or run to your mother's room in the middle of the night for a safety hug. Because in the wasteland if you want to have fun, you're going to have to bathe in the blood of your enemies. Sometimes even drink it. Again, not that it's something that we actively do. We swear.
24 Dr. Boop Absorbs It All
We can only hope that the doctors in the Fallout games aren't running some type of racket among the survivors of the wasteland simply for absorbing things. Our working theory is that many of the wastelanders are actually reincarnations of Jesus that come to Earth to heal us. But when he realized that with a simple boop that he could absorb all those, things got complicated.
It'd be great to find out that the doctors just win twice. They're addicted to the wasteland drugs and also need money for those. So when an addicted survivor comes to the doctor, who is maybe Jesus Christ, just touches them, and also gets a bunch of bottle caps for more. Synergy.
23 Fallout Paranoid Schizophrenic
This happens in every game where the character creation is in the middle of a cutscene. Don't the NPCs notice the insanity before them? Okay, so maybe in Skyrim it's okay that something like this occurs because of magic and whatnot. But Fallout is supposed to very much represent our own world and the rules should be similar.
That being said, has anyone ever seen the movie The Thing? Because that's what I'd be afraid of in a scenario like this. That you fell in love with a man and then all of a sudden you find out he's a shapeshifting monster. Best bet is to just blast him in his face for safety. And for the lulz.
22 When Your Power Level Is Too Extra
It's funny how strong we can become in certain games compared to how we start out. Playing games like Fallout, Skyrim, Batman, Zelda, and especially Metroid, you end up turning into a monster that rivals Goku at the end of DBZ. There are so many battles to fight in these games, and every one only makes us better.
The problem is that when I'm playing a game and I'm in the weak stages of the beginning, I want revenge for the deaths and frustration. So I head to another part of the map and wreck some homies who are more my speed. Only to head back to my nemesis chill zone only to literally paint the walls. We wish they knew they deserved it.
21 Just Ending Everyone
There's a harsh reality we all must learn when playing games like Fallout. Trust no one. If you become too sentimental about a character or companion, they'll only live long enough to betray you to simply disappoint you. Maybe even convince you to become evil. Hey... that'd be pretty cool. Why aren't there any video games where you actually become the bad guy? Hmmm.
When there's some serious cuteness in the wasteland, you gotta be skeptical. There's no rhyme or reason to allowing something to stop you from being the rampager you naturally become in most video games. I wish someone would compile a list of characters killed in video games and movies and compare that to how many people ever died on Earth ever. Like all time.
20 Barter With Death
The beginning of the game sort of makes sure that you stay tame and play by the loose rules of the world. You walk into a town and act accordingly and try not anger the people with bigger guns and better armor than you. But then there comes a point in the game where you've gotten all the goodies and deserve to take what you desire from those weaker than you.
Seriously, if you think about it, in games like this you're the most awesome person walking the planet. You've put yourself through the most dangerous stuff and helped out the most people, you deserve to do whatever. So you've gained that power core.
19 The Sensitivity Struggle
This is the kind of stuff that plagues early story gamers. When you're super weak and don't even know how the game works and what to do when you need to heal and whatnot. So reaching into a radiated bowl of toilet water for ammo has multiple survival ups and downs.
See if you reach on and get the ammo that's great. Because you need ammo. Ammo is good-babies. But the water in the toilet will increase your rads. And when playing with a mouse or, God forbid, the Steam controller, you have no accuracy. It's sort of funny to all the people out there who secretly only drink water from the toilet like my neighbor's cat.
18 I Will Accept All Missions
In the beginning of every game, it's almost overwhelming to look at the expansivity of the game map and realize that every little town will have missions for you. And we want to do them all. The beginning of a game we want to do everything always forever, and it's natural. It's important to keep in mind what can be done where and whether it's passive or active.
But when the end of the game comes and you no longer need money or armor, those missions don't mean much. To be honest, I cant tell you how infuriated I get when I go on a mission late game and get a reward that would have helped me out weeks in the past when I was a noob. This is why we go to rampages and end entire villages. Must be done.
17 Fallout Logic Truth
We're sure that there are people out there in the world who wish things in the realm of make-believe were true in the real world. Like zombies or the ability to fly. But Fallout is the type of game that we're pretty sure that no sane human being would enjoy any piece of to show up on our Mondays and Tuesdays. Except maybe Power Armor.
The logic in Fallout is often flawed, but sometimes the truth is right there for us all to accept. These comics represent the thoughts that pass through our minds when locked in alone with our precious video games.
16 Hour 300 On Steam
It's all about familiarity. When it comes to video games with high-end graphics, it's easy to be impressed at first. This new world and the developer's attention to certain detail is only outweighed by you, the player, in the late game by noticing the developer's lack of detail in other areas.
Walking around and getting stuck in ridiculous positions makes us notice the details. Especially mountains we need to climb, or can't climb. I can't even tell you how many times in games like Fallout where I wanted to get somewhere and thought I'd take a shortcut over the top of the rocks just to get stuck staring at polygons of rock-like features.
15 When You Decide What Matters
Sometimes if you're lucky you can put your controller on autopilot or something to send your dude in the direction you want them to go. You can stack the controller up against something, use a rubber band or place something on top of the W key. All work, as long as there are no enemies in your path. It may just take forever.
But sometimes when you find so much good loot it's hard not to bring it all with you. Otherwise, you leave it where you dropped it and it despawns. What's worse in the scenario is when you have no idea how much something is actually valued at. You could potentially be losing like 40 bottle caps. Which, why the heck are bottle caps a currency? On that note, why the heck is paper money currency?
14 Crouch For Stealth
Where do our heroes carry all that stuff? Seriously, they carry like 50 swords, shields, and then all the guns and cups. Not to mention the multiple articles of clothing. After a while, that stuff has to weigh you down. I get there is a weight limit for stuff in survival games, but the sheer amount of things to carry is ridiculous. Yeah, there are people who can carry 200 lbs. of stuff, but not 200 lbs. in the form of cups and stuff and not be super loud.
Lo and behold, anytime you decide to press crouch, you're sneaking. If only this sort of stuff worked in real life. Don't get me wrong, I sneak around all the time. Stealing from people, pickpocketing, but I can't do it with 200 lbs of stuff. Perhaps one daydream will come true.
13 Dogmeat Always Dies
Nothing gets us angrier than when something you like dies. In video games and in real life, that seems to be true. But in game, there are companions to come by and they aren't always the smartest friends. They often get stuck, rush into the wrong battle, and get murdered.
Dogmeat was the king of companions in all of the Fallout games. But he died all the time and it constantly sent us to reload the game to the most recent point of his aliveness. Eventually, you start to think about how much you actually need them to the moment you realize that this most recent death was worthy. Dogmeat doesn't always give a good death, but when he does, you'll notice.
12 Give Me More!
Addiction and abuse are real-life problems. So do all your stuff inside video games, not while playing video games. Because after you do too many, you can just drop off some cash at the doctor's office and he'll boop you back to health. Unfortunately, the lack of this possibility in real-life doesn't exist. Except if you're in the Illuminati.
You were either the type of player who utilized every single item-buff available to you, or you were like others who hated going in and out of the inventory screen. Some of us can't imagine using different items for every battle. Then you get stuck with 99 of a single item that you start to use for fun and eventually run out. Only to desire more.
11 Build The World
Sometimes games give us too much freedom. Recent Fallout games left much of the story completion up to the player to do at their leisure. With the building mechanic added to Fallout 4, there seems to be plenty to keep any type of player busy. You can build your own house and live like a wasteland queen.
In games where there is any type of building mechanic, our inner Lego child comes out. There are entire levels or server levels in Terraria that are completely built up like a castle planet. People talk the team and work together to create ridiculous things. Personally, I'd never spend my time building anything in any game. I come here to destroy.
10 This Door Is Locked
This sort of thing only really happens in the Fallout games, in my experience. In Skyrim and whatnot they don't let you in anywhere if you aren't supposed to get in without a key. How can something this stupid be overlooked? Especially in a game so anticipated as the newest Fallout. It's one of those things that you get salty about and then moves on because nothing can be done. It's just there.
Thankfully nothing ever super important is on the other side of a door that can easily be opened from the outside by reaching through a window. It's normally just another gun or a streak or something. We'd all be royally upset if humanity's salvation was so weakly hidden.
9 Play One Game At A Time
This happens all the time. Playing games like GTA and then heading into a game like Breath of the Wild will mess you up. Especially because of where the jump buttons and attack buttons are. It happens so often in Breath of the Wild you almost have to forget everything you know about other games controller mastery and learn anew.
But after playing Fallout then hitting up Call of Duty or Ark: Survival Evolved, I can't explain the rage I feel when I am about to V.A.T.S. someone and really I just threw a grenade or something instead. Some of the great powers of video games ruin it for the games where something like that is totally useful. I want to use V.A.T.S. in GTA as well.
8 Shut Up And Give Me Caps
Fallout Shelter seems like a fun game and relatively low maintenance. Nope. Not at all. There's too much to be done and too many people to lord over and order into doing the things you desire. They must obey you, for you are the giant finger on the other side of the screen. Feel not for them at all.
Ever imagine that the little digital entities that we poke and prod in our games have actual lives when the game gets turned off? Sort of like in Wreck it Ralph or Tron. That would be terrible. They'd harbor so much anger and resentment to the point that if they ever got out of the game they'd enslave us. Maybe play some farming simulators to spice it up.
7 So Hungry You Could Eat A Bag
Not going to lie, it was pretty gruesome sneaking through the trenches of the Capital in Fallout 3 fending off Super Mutants with only a Varmint Rifle. That also happened to be the moment I fell in love with the series. Sniping battle in the trenches, getting rushed by club-wielding Super Mutants. And then finding their bags.
You realize that the Super Mutants just crush humans and eat them at their whim, building up their green muscles ready to come smash more humans for more food. But then you realize that you can reach into those cute little bags of goop and get some bottle caps. Probably left behind by the human whose body parts are chilling in the bag.
6 What's In A Name
With all the logins that are involved in video games today, we can't help but think that a person's chosen name should represent who they are on the inside. The problem is remembering sometimes what those logins and names are. It's hilarious to find out later on when you get the confirmation email that you named your guy something like this.
The best part about having a wildly inappropriate name as your gamertag is that when you troll someone to the extreme, you know that somewhere, that person is complaining to a friend or family member. Only to have to then reveal the name of their bully or troll as the almighty Senpai Lord. No one will take them seriously and you can continue your trolling.
5 Facial Recognition
Has anyone really taken the time to make a character's face look exactly like their own? That's a stupid question, because of course someone has. None of us have real lives. And that's just fine. But to actually sit there with a mirror and go through the facial structure options as close to detail only does one thing. Makes you ugly in two worlds.
Another issue I have is that when I first get a video game, I want to smash people and shoot enemies. Not make my face look nice. The anticipation of getting on with your quest sends us blasting through this sort of preliminary setup without much detail. We're just waiting for the moment when you can just have a camera recording your every moment while your console is supposed to be off. Then your game will be able to master your face since it will know all your things and stuff because of spying. Looking at you, Microsoft.
4 Thief Life
This happens in games like Skyrim, Fallout, and The Witcher, where anything you do can be scrutinized and ruin your perfect criminal record. Or lack thereof. People on parole deserve third chances. But at least in most games, they let you know that you'll be stealing if you pick up a certain item. The decision to be made is whether or not you're ready to murder an entire town.
But it does sort of piss gamers off when you just saved an entire city from certain death or enslavement or even a dragon and they try to kill you with some soda. In situations like that, it's worth it to go berserk mode and burn the place down. You saved them, it should be your choice whether or not to destroy them.
3 Tunnel Snakes Rule
Does anyone know about the Tunnel Snakes? If not then you should finish reading this list and then go replay Fallout 3. They're a bunch of nerds who dressed like Fonzie who hang around the sewers and drink rat milk. Or at least that's what I heard, anyway.
The only reason I never pressed the nuke button was because I thought the game was going to end and I wouldn't be able to wreck deathclaws anymore if I did. But a quick internet search proved I deserve to nuke the planet. So I did. And I will softly whisper..."Tunnel Snakes Rule".
2 Take What You Want, Give Nothing Back
Power is fantastic. The power to dominate your friends and enemies is not something that everyone gets to do. So next time you're at a party and some person has something you want in their pocket, but you know you can't take it for fear of being called a thief. Just end them all. At least this way when you go to jail, you'll have some street cred.
This is hilarious because in Fallout you can literally blast faces off. Isn't that just dandy? They have what you need. Take it from them and leave them with nothing. Not even their life.
1 Wandering The Wasteland Is Fun!
Not really sure what's going on in this comic, but we like it. But what we can understand is that throwing people off of cliffs is a lot of fun. Think about how much fun Scar must have had when he tossed Mufasa off the cliff. Better yet, think of how awesome the party he threw afterward was.
But it definitely is a lot of fun to throw things, especially people and enemies, off of buildings. It's no one's fault really, it just happens to be an enjoyable hobby. Like running people down in GTA.