Every year a new FIFA launches, and every year Ultimate Team takes the glory. It’s EA’s main money-maker from the series, so many players feel that the developer doesn’t put as much effort into other game modes. I haven’t played a career mode in years (Football Manager is right there), and I enjoy grinding my Ultimate Team in spite of the predatory “surprise mechanics”.

However, last night my brother came round and we decided to play some kick-off matches. He didn’t fancy facing off against my Liverpool past and present Ultimate Team (fair enough, Ian Rush’s moustache puts the willies in the best of us), so we started with a regular match. Soon, however, we were browsing the other game modes to spice up our evening rather than spending our time rainbow flicking each other back and forth, trying to score the perfect volley with Tranmere Rovers’ shit strikers, or whatever other braindead nonsense took hold of our minds.

Related: Admit It, EA, You Were Wrong About Salah

We stumbled into the House Rules section of Kick Off mode - not for the first time, but the first time in a while - and messed around with a few modes. Two in particular stood out as the most fun: Mystery Ball and Survival. Mystery Ball pretty much does what it says on the tin, gifting the ball carrier magical powers that change every time the ball goes out of play. Shooting Boost sends your 40-yard attempts into the back of the net like a rocket, Speed Boost effectively turns your keeper into Usain Bolt, and All Boost basically lets you go Super Saiyan until you lose the ball. There are other bonuses, too, but more importantly as the game goes on, every goal counts for two or three as well - just to increase the stakes. You’ve got Shooting Boost with a x3 goal multiplier? As we say in the business, that’s GG.

An image still highlighting HyperMotion in FIFA 22

Obviously this isn’t a competitive mode - we’re not going to be seeing the ePremier League introduce it to crown the World Champions - but that’s what makes it so fun. It’s almost entirely luck based, so the stakes are incredibly low. Some of my favourite games I’ve lost 16-5 or worse, but I enjoyed them because of the pure joy that comes with Jonjo Shelvey abusing Speed Boost to dink the keeper on the counter attack or Alisson Becker scoring from the halfway line. Winning or losing doesn’t matter because you’re having fun - a point that seems stupid to reiterate when talking about playing video games for fun, but my usual matches in FUT Weekend League are demonstrably not fun.

However, arguably more fun - and definitely more fair - is Survival Mode. Think of it as FIFA Battle Royale, where players who score are immediately ejected from the game. Mo Salah is a one-strike wonder, the ref so incensed by his filthy finesse shot that he shows him red. It’s a natural equaliser as the winning side has an immediate handicap. Even if you’re comfortably better at FIFA than your opponent, try scoring with Jordan Henderson as your most attacking player because everyone else has been forcibly removed from the pitch.

FIFA 22's Market Crash Lets Free-To-Play Players Have Fun Too
FIFA 22's Market Crash Lets Free-To-Play Players Have Fun Too

Sometimes I don’t know why I play FIFA every year. I get annoyed by sweaty online matches and end up not enjoying my own leisure time, but the constant promos and opportunity to build my squad in Ultimate Team always brings me back. The House Rules matches are the polar opposite of this - they’re not going to keep me coming back every day, but they make every moment gold.