Now, my grandma’s long-lost sister’s second-cousin’s parakeet works at Nintendo, so I’m privy to all kinds of industry information that laypeople may not have heard. There’s an obscure little game doing the rounds just now, which is supposed to be quite good (among the discerning players who actually know about it, naturally). It’s called –and this is a red-hot tip, right here, so you’d better appreciate it—Fortnite.

Oh, yes indeed. Snark aside, the phenomenon that is Fortnite is showing no signs of letting up. It wasn’t the game that created the battle royale genre (it’s just an offshoot of it, in fact), but holy heckola has it popularised the concept. It seems as though the entire darn planet’s playing this one, from your buddies at school/work to multi-millionaire soccer players and other athletes.

Whether Epic Games could possibly have anticipated how this one would take off or not, they’re certainly clamoring to keep their heads above water. Whichever system you’ve got the game installed on, you’ll have surely noticed that it seems to install a new update about seventeen times a day.

These many updates include all of the usual things: performance and bug fixes, general stability, new items, and, of course, our old friend the balance patch.

The latter is an ongoing battle for the devs, of course. Fortnite is replete with a wild and wacky arsenal, some of which just plain outshines the rest. On the other hand, some of the equipment on offer is about as useful in a fight as a one-legged kitten taking a nap. In this rundown, we’re going to take a look at the best and worst items in Fortnite, from the Burst Assault Rifle to Thanos’s Infinity Gauntlet.

30 USELESS: Jetpack- Just Hold Still!

1- Jetpack
Via: Polygon

If terrible sci-fi from the 80s and 90s taught us anything, it’s that jet packs would be freaking fantastic. They should be commercially available, by now, too, so come on, science. Get your cheeks in gear.

Around its release in the game, there was some concern among the Fortnite faithful. It’ll break the game, it’ll just be too good and suchlike. Granted, you’re incredibly mobile and can get the drop on others, but it can be very short-lived and does not do your own aiming any favours.

29 USELESS: Burst Assault Rifle- More Like Burst A Blood Vessel

2- Burst Assault Rifle
Via: Metabomb

Now, granted, there are some players that choose to rock out with the Burst Assault Rifle, and perform super darn well with it too. It’s certainly no slouch in terms of damage potential (picking up one of a higher rarity helps with that), but it’s awkward and cumbersome to use in ways that a plain old Assault Rifle isn’t.

The thing with the burst, of course, is that you’re going to want to hit with the whole burst of shots. That can be a tall order, friends.

28 GREAT: Shield Potion- Just Chug It!

3- Shield Potion
Via: Comic Book

In a lot of other game worlds (and real life, naturally), I don’t really condone chugging a suspect-looking luminous liquid you come across in a little glass bottle. Where I come from, that’s a one-way ticket to A&E and a darn good stomach pumping.

In Fortnite, however, you want to get straight on that as soon as the opportunity presents itself. Ever since Doom, it’s been common gaming knowledge that growing an extra health bar on top of your health bar is the way to go.

27 USELESS: Hop Rocks- Wait, Where The Heck Are You Going?

4- Hop Rocks
Via: Reddit (panranch)

If you’ve spent even a couple of casual rounds in Fortnite’s wild toontastic world, you’ll know that it’s not the sort of game to take itself too seriously (what a shame that many players don’t seem to have gotten that memo).

As such, some of the equipment is going to be a little on the… unconventional side.

In season 4, Epic introduced Hop Rocks. These were odd little purplish rocks, which the player could nab from the craters around the map. On finding and ‘activating’ one, they’d temporarily imbue the player with that same purplish light, giving them a super-high jump for the effect’s duration.

This was neat and worked quite well in combination with other items that aid movement. It gave your location all the way away, though, which could be fatal.

26 USELESS: Port-A-Fort- I’ll Build It Myself, Thanks

5- Port-A-Fort
Via: Elecspo

The Port-A-Fort is a curious one for sure. The whole idea of a fort popping to life out of a ‘grenade’ would just seem like Bizarro World-level weirdery in any other title, but you can see what they were going with here.

On the Fortnite battlefield, building is a crucial concept. It’s the main thing that sets the title apart from other, similar takes on the genre. This insta-fortress item has been quite controversial, but for experienced players, it’s just not worth the inventory slot. The fact that a bigger and better Port-A-Fortress is on the way is testament to that.

25 GREAT: Rocket Launcher- You Just Can’t Beat A Good RPG

Via: Comic Book

Ah, the RPG. We know it, we love it. It’s a true classic, and it (almost) always gets the job done. Whenever you got one of these bad boys in a game, you knew that it was time for Ash Ketchum to flip his hat backwards. It was goin’ down, and Pitbull was yellin’ timber.

In Fortnite, as you can imagine, it’s quite unwieldy to use against opposing players in the open. How often does that happen, though? In most cases, you’re introducing opponents’ bases to flaming, rocket-flavored justice. The holiday-themed Jack-O-Lantern RPG looked fantastic, which is another plus.

24 USELESS: Minigun- I Ain’t Got Time For This

7- Minigun
Via: Scoopnest

The minigun is another iconic ‘power’ weapon, but Fortnite’s fails in its main job: to make you feel like Rambo.

It’s not nearly as powerful as it should be, it takes about eight centuries to start firing, the reticule judders around like a toddler hopped up on sugar… it’s a mess, really. There are much better options for destroying structures, too, which is its primary role.

23 USELESS: Crossbow- It Certainly Made Players Cross

8- Crossbow
Via: Todofortnite.xyz

The concept of the crossbow is quite a cool one, I suppose you’ve got to give it that. A ‘silent’ weapon, the idea was to be able to strike at range without alerting your quarry. The slow speed of the projectile soon scuppered that, though.

It’s an interesting and unique spin on the sniper idea, particularly with its unlimited ammo mechanic (you still needed to reload bolts, though).

In the end, though, it just proved to be inferior to good ol’ fashioned sniper rifles and was vaulted in patch 4.0.

22 GREAT: Thanos’s Infinity Gauntlet- A Great… Idea

9- The Infinity Gauntlet
Via: Wccftech

Now, this was something I could definitely get behind. While the world was riding the wave of the Avengers: Infinity War hypetastic, why not capitalize on that? Infinity Gauntlet was an excellent solo mode in which a single Infinity Gauntlet spawn on the map, and the player who reaches it first becomes Thanos (and adopts all the powers related with such).

As is often the case with these one-off deals, the mode had some balancing issues, which Epic couldn’t really address before it was taken down again. It was certainly a fun break from the norm, though.

21 USELESS: Smoke Grenade- That’s Just Annoying

10- Smoke Grenade
Via: Game Informer

In some similar titles, the humble smoke grenade can be quite an asset. It’s not boosting your K/D by itself, of course, but with canny use, these things can pay dividends.

I guess the issue here is that they don’t really fit in with Fortnite. The vast and open nature of the map means that they have limited utility, especially with all of the building and jostling for high ground people are doing. It’s a shooter staple, there’s no doubt about that, but the smoke grenade is far from its best here.

20 USELESS: Semi-Auto Sniper Rifle- Outclassed, Outgunned

11- Semi-Auto Sniper Rifle
Via: Metabomb

You can see the appeal, I’m sure. The semi-auto sniper rifle allows for much faster firing, and the opportunity to quickly correct your aim and take another go at that shot. In theory, it’s great, but again, the Fortnite style isn’t friendly to the semi-auto sniper.

To compensate for its less cumbersome use, it’s dealing out less damage than a bolt-action sniper. It’s hard to take opponents out when you go this route, especially considering that a missed shot will see your opponent throwing up a quick covering wall.

19 GREAT: The Pickaxe- I Really Dig It

12- Pickaxe
Via: Twin Galaxies

Yep. Oh, yes indeedy-oh, friends. I went ahead and made that pun, and I’m proud of it. I have absolutely zero regrets.

Anywho, yes. The pickaxe, as we all know, is not the sort of weapon you’d want to bring to any fight.

It’s an absolute desperate-scramble-at-drop-off-only sort of weapon, but that’s not really a fair way to judge it.

The one and only thing you have with you when a match first begins, this invaluable tool is your only way of harvesting resources. A crucial cornerstone of Fortnite play, and one you’ll need to get to grips with quickly.

18 USELESS: Hand Cannon- Is That A Cannon In Your Pocket, Or Are You Just Pleased To See Me?

13- Hand Cannon
Via: YouTube (Fortnite)

Ever since I first grabbed a hand cannon in game, I’ve been a huge fan of it. This is mostly because, as an avid survival player, I was getting some powerful magnum vibes from this thing.

In short, it’s powerful, awkward to aim, and you’ll have to wait about eight years to fire again if you mess up the first time. In Fortnite, as in Resident Evil, we’re talking about a weapon that rewards pinpoint accuracy. Good luck getting a headshot in with this thing.

17 USELESS: Revolver- Not The Guy From Metal Gear Solid

14- Revolver
Via: Dbltap

Now, Revolver Ocelot may have convinced you that revolvers are cool. Remember his boss battle in Metal Gear Solid, where he was twirling the thing around and making bawdy quips like he was in an old Clint Eastwood western? I was completely on board with all of that, let me tell you.

Sadly, the revolver suffers from similar issues to the hand cannon: its rate of fire and reload speed is very sub-par, making it very tough to use at closer ranges. As of update 5.40, the revolver has been vaulted.

16 GREAT: Boogie Bomb- Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Stayin’ Alive (Or Not)

15- Boogie Bomb
Via: Metabomb

So, here’s the conundrum that I’m facing with the boogie bomb. Does it make the ‘actually great’ section of the list because it’s truly great, or is it just a great idea? Heck, why not both?

This is going to be a controversial one, too. The fact is, it depends how long ago we’re talking. On release, the boogie bomb was actually very potent, leaving your opponent dancing helplessly with their weapons disabled (until taking damage). You can imagine how that ended for them.

The boogie bomb was subject to some major nerfing since then, though, with a blast radius that’s now about the size of a gnat’s big toe. Nevertheless, watching the boogie bomb in action is about the funniest thing in shooter history.

15 USELESS: Grenade Launcher- It’s Just Not An RPG

16- Grenade Launcher
Via: Tom's Guide

When it comes to precision base-destruction and AOE explosive damage, the RPG is just the king. This holds true for a lot of games, and certainly within Fortnite. Alternative weapons for that role (such as the minigun, in terms of building destruction) just can’t compete.

The grenade launcher falls into that category too. The unpredictability and long-timer on the projectiles really hurts their utility.

That shonky bouncing and the awkward arc needs to be compensated for, which is no mean feat if you aren’t well-practiced.

14 USELESS: Pump Shotgun- Pump It (Louder!)

17- Pump Shotgun
Via: Dbltap

Now, that headline, I do regret, because the darn Black-Eyed Peas are going to be in my head all day now. Still, I did bring it on myself, so I’m not going to complain.

Moving swiftly along, the pump shotgun is in the opposite position to the sniper rifles. In this case, there’s a more accurate and faster-shooting alternative. Because of the close-enough-to-see-the-nasal-hair-they-haven’t-trimmed-this-morning nature of shotguns, that’s much preferred by many players. Having to reload a shotgun at very close range is not a fun situation to be in. What a nerf this weapon got, too.

13 GREAT: SCAR- “Who’s Got A Scar?”

18- SCAR
Via: Android Central

I’m just unstoppable with these references today. That one was from the Lion King, if anyone was wondering.

For some time now, the much-ballyhooed SCAR has been regarded as one of the best weapons in the game. Its combination of range, rate of fire and power makes for a weapon that can output more DPS that Godzilla on his last trip to Tokyo. If you get the drop on an opponent, you often won’t have much trouble shredding them before they can really react. Truly frightening.

12 USELESS: Slurp Juice- Slurping It Up

19- Slurp Juice
Via: EgmNow

Now, to be fair, Slurp Juice certainly isn’t useless in the way you might be thinking. It’s just… it’s not really about healing in response to damage.

Slurp Juice originally granted the user one health and one shield per second, for 25 seconds. Patch 5.10 changed this drastically; the item now heals 1 health every 0.5 seconds, up to a total of 75 (moving into shield instead is health is full).

It’s all dependent on the intensity of the action. As we know, bandages cannot heal you beyond 75, but they’re instant boosts. This regeneration may be far too slow to really count for anything.

11 USELESS: Suppressed SMG- I Think It Was Already Suppressed

20- Suppressed SMG
Via: What Culture

Long-time players will have certain feelings about Fortnite’s SMGs, that’s for sure. The weapon has been subject to all kinds of rebalancing efforts over the game’s history, and… well, things aren’t looking so good now.

The suppressed SMG, in terms of raw damage and such, was once considered one of the worst weapons in the entire game (if it didn’t take the top spot).

A few mishandled buffs later, and we’re staring down the barrel of a so-called ‘SMG meta’ which really isn’t healthy.