The quirky one. The free spirit. The woman who wouldn't settle down. The odd one out, the… just plain odd one. If you had to pick one character from Friends that stands out, for better or worse, it’d have to be Phoebe Buffay. While two of the characters, Monica and Ross, are siblings, both of which end up coupled with Chandler and Rachel, and with the fifth friend, Joey, being long time roommates with best friend Chandler, Phoebe somehow lives alone in a different part of town, with seemingly no ties to the others. She also had a very different upbringing: orphaned and raised by the streets, all of the other Friends were brought up in a strong familial structure (albeit some of them were dysfunctional and fractured).

That being said, many of these unique character traits can also manifest themselves as qualities. Her quirkiness has provided the series with some of its most hilarious quotes and outrageous moments, while her free-spirited attitude, hippy posturing, and some admittedly “blonde moments” have given her an identity all her own.

However, Phoebe’s eccentricities, status as an outsider, and enigmatic persona have led to some plot holes, mysteries, and out-of-character moments which may have long time Friends fanatics scratching their heads. In this list, we are going to look at some of the most confusing and galling of these nonsensical moments.

25 Phoebe And The Lasagna

Phoebe is an avid animal rights activist, humanitarian, and general all-around hippie. So of course, she is also a vegetarian, believing that the ending of animals for food or fashion (more on that later) is cruel, barbaric and unnecessary. In the episode, “The One With The Dozen Lasagnas,” Monica bakes twelve lasagnas for her Aunt Sylvia, but “pulls a Monica” (a reference for another list) by making the lasagnas with meat, and not vegetarian as was requested; meaning that Monica is stuck with a dozen lasagnas; not, I might add, a bad problem to have!

After pawning one off on Ross’ recently un-closeted ex-wife Susan, it’s up to her five friends to help her demolish the delicious Italian dishes (again, not a bad problem to have).

In one scene, we can clearly see Phoebe doing her part by eating some of the lasagna.

Now, Phoebe eating meat itself would not be so bad (she temporarily ate meat while pregnant to help quell her cravings, which we’ll let her away with) had the entire premise of the episode not been based around the fact that Monica was in this mess specifically because she didn’t make the lasagnas vegetarian, meaning that there was no ambiguity about the contents of the food, which shines a further light on Phoebe’s betrayal of her own principles.

24 Phoebe's Massages

Phoebe is a professional masseuse (which is indeed a job fit for a hippie; nothing against masseuses, but I just couldn’t imagine Jordan Belfort giving massages for money, though I could imagine him paying… actually, never mind), so it would stand to reason that her friend would take advantage of her expertise and avail of a free massage or two.

At least, that’s what you’d think. In the season 8 episode, "The One With The Secret Closet," Phoebe discovers that, in spite of telling her that she “hates” getting massaged, Monica has been going to another masseuse behind her friend’s back. Monica tells Phoebe that she thinks it’d be weird if she massaged her because of their friendship. Turns out that’s not the weirdest thing, that would be the fact that Monica makes weird noises whenever she gets massaged.

But that’s not the only revelation though, as in the Season 7 episode, “The One Where Rosita Dies,” Phoebe laments the fact that she’d only given two massages that year and they were both “the worst tippers in the world!” Turns out those frugal folks were Ross and Monica. Short-term memory loss can be awkward, eh?

23 We No Speak Italiano?

In the Season 5 episode “The One Where Ross Can’t Flirt,” Joey brings his grandmother over to watch his debut on the hit television drama Law And Order (for the full story, check out my Joey list). His grandmother is Italian and speaks not a word of English, communication is done primarily through hand signals, smiles, and nods. Then, Phoebe strolls in all with her self-assured confidence and begins speaking with Joey’s nana in fluent Italian.

Now that’s all well and good, as Phoebe is the one out of the entire group most likely to embrace a foreign culture or learn a language (she also speaks French, more on that below), the only problem is that in the first Season, Rachel begins dating an Italian man Paulo, who, too, cannot speak a word of English. In “The One With The Blackout,” Paulo introduces himself to Phoebe in Italian, to which Phoebe responds “you betcha,” clearly drooling over the Italian stallion but very much unable to understand a word he’s saying. Could Phoebe have learned Italian over the course of five years? It’s possible, but surely it would’ve come up as even a secondary storyline in at least one episode. We’d like to give the writers the benefit of the doubt, we really would…

22 Sous Chef

Now, with regards to the whole Italian fiasco, we’re inclined to give Phoebe a mulligan because it only really came up in that one episode. However, Phoebe’s fluency of the French language is one of her most distinguishing features, it features in a variety of episodes throughout the series, and even gets Rachel all hot under the collar!

So in “The One With Rachel’s Date” when Monica introduces Phoebe to Tim, who works at her restaurant, as her “sous chef,” Phoebe asks him if that makes him Monica’s boss. He informs her that she is his boss, as “sous” is French for “under” (I DEFINITELY knew that before I saw this episode), to which she replies “ah, I sous-stand.”

It’s a cute response, but it is also the response of someone who is full of you-know-what (and it’s not souffle!)

This lack of understanding comes from the woman who nearly had a stroke trying to teach Joey how to speak the language of love (again, check out the list). Unlike Joey, who evidently only knows a few words of Italian, mainly the bad words, Phoebe is stylised as the ultra-sophisticated femme who not only speaks French fluently but does so with style. Maybe she just needs to brush up on her skills, non?

21 Her And Joey Never Got Together

Halfway through the show's run, four of the six friends had been established into two couples. From the very beginning, Ross and Rachel’s tumultuous on-again-off-again relationship had been established, and in many ways would go on to define the arc of the program. At the end of Season 4, during the second part of the episode “The One With Ross’s Wedding,” Chandler and Monica get together for the first time, sewing the seeds for the longest continuous relationship in the series.

That leaves Joey and Phoebe. Now, this is not just a simple process of elimination, because of all the potential couples in the series, Phoebe and Joey make the most sense. They’re both promiscuous, both comparable under-achievers, both intellectually inferior compared to the others and, in spite of Joey’s closeness with Chandler as a long time roommate, neither of them have any ties to the group from childhood. Throughout the series run, it is revealed, via flashback, that Phoebe kissed Ross, Rachel was with Chandler, and, later in the series, dated Joey, but Joey and Phoebe never crossed paths in that way.

What makes this even crazier is the fact that Phoebe is constantly alluding to the fact that she is attracted to Joey, even going as far as to swap Rachel Ross’ name for his in a marriage back-up pact in the episode “The One With The Proposal.”

20 Steals A Girl's Cat

In “The One With The Cat,” a stray cat is loitering around Phoebe’s guitar case after another stellar performance at Central Perk. At first, she attempts to shoo the cat away (this from the lasagna-eating, animal-loving vegetarian), only to change her tune when she becomes convinced that this cat is the reincarnation of her deceased mother. Of course she does, it’s Phoebe. Her friends are bemused but, used to her eccentricities, humor her.

Ross discovers that Phoebe’s mother is actually “Julio,” the missing cat of a little girl. It’s fitting that Ross would be the one to have to break this to her. As an ultra-rationalist and born cynic, Ross is the natural enemy to Phoebe’s open-mindedness and mysticism. That Phoebe is true to her initial conviction that this animal is, in fact, her mother is not surprising, what is surprising is her unwillingness to return the animal to the little girl whose probably heartbroken over her missing feline. She first refuses to relinquish the animal to Ross, who in fairness is only trying to do the right thing, before reluctantly giving it back, but not before Ross apologizes to the cat personally. We can empathize with Phoebe’s loss, but not her stubbornness or her selfishness.

19 Animus Towards Ross

As we said, there are no two characters in the show who are more opposite or have more conflicting personalities than Ross and Phoebe. Ross is a paleontologist whose occupation and thought process is based on science: rational and concrete evidence make up the very foundation of his belief system. Phoebe, as we saw above, places a great deal of belief in the unseen realm of the spiritual world: a believer in reincarnation and superstition (when she goes to the dentist someone always passes away, apparently).

Phoebe and Ross’ clashes don’t always stem from the identity of a cat or the validity of evolution, often strife can arise for no reason.

In “The One With Joey’s Big Break,” Phoebe is angry at Ross, although neither Ross nor Phoebe know exactly why this is. This, naturally, irritates Ross who wants to get to the bottom of this and reconcile with his friend, even though she has no interest in reconciliation, refusing to look him in the eye and saying he has a fat tushie.

Well, turns out it was all over a dream. And not even a bad dream. The two friends were playing chess on a frozen lake, when Phoebe removed Ross’ “energy mask,” only to discover that she’s been playing chess with Cameron Diaz of all people! Surprised? Yes? Excited? Maybe? Angry? Why?!

18 Won't Leave With David

Like any good sitcom, the plentiful moments of comedy are juxtaposed with occasional moments of emotion and serious storytelling. Phoebe’s character, with her troubled past, has probably had more of these than any of the five other friends. In the early days of the series, Phoebe met a socially awkward scientist called David. Their meeting, love affair, and break up would all occur in the span of one episode, “The One With The Monkey,” in the first season, although he would reappear later on in the series.

The reason for the break up of this quick but devoted relationships was because David is due to go to Minsk with his colleague Max to do research on the first of January. David is torn as to whether or not to leave. Phoebe’s initial reaction is to convince him to stay, not unlike when she refused to give up the cat, however eventually cooler heads prevail, and the couple (who, in fairness, just met) decide that it's best for him to go.

The trouble is, at no stage during deliberations did Phoebe ever volunteer to go with David to Minsk. Remember, Phoebe is the most free-spirited, and the friend with the least amount of ties, so aside from missing her friends, she could easily have started anew with him. Instead, she was, initially, willing to let David sacrifice his career for her. Love, a game of give and take, eh?

17 Save The Children

A wedding seems like an awfully conventional affair for a person like Phoebe, so when her an Mike decide to donate their wedding fund to a children's charity in “The One With The Home Study,” rather than spend it all on a big fancy wedding, it seemed like a fitting decision for a woman who is not materialistic, and who was an orphan herself.

Amazingly though, Phoebe succumbs to peer pressure from Monica and Rachel, who think well, screw the orphans, she deserves a big, fancy wedding! That her two supposed best friends don’t support her decision is one thing, but that Phoebe, by far the strongest character and the one who's usually most likely to stick to her guns, gives in to the peer pressure is amazing. In an act of incredible selflessness, she goes back to the charity to refund her donation. Then she changes her mind and gives it back. Then she changes her mind again. Eventually, the charity refuses her donation, probably sick of canceling and reordering new beds for children, and permanently refund the money as a “wedding gift” for the soon-to-be couple. Out of all the characters, Phoebe is probably the one who most deserves a big wedding, but, for god’s sake, make your mind up!

16 Phoebe’s Birth Mom Not At Her Wedding

So with the money safely pulled from the hands of all those selfish orphans, its time for a beautiful wedding! Taking place out in the snow in New York, it's a glorious occasion. Remember how Mike’s siblings were not invited (somehow we think Phoebe was behind their absence)? Well, turns out they were not the only people not on the guest list.

Now, that Phoebe wouldn’t invite her absentee father Frank, who she became briefly reunited with in “The One With Joey’s Bag,” is understandable.

That her birth mother Phoebe Abbott, whom Phoebe has a decent relationship with, is not in attendance at the wedding, is a little harder to understand, as is the fact that she is not mentioned on the day or on the build-up to the wedding.

It’s strange because even though Phoebe only discovered her identity later in life, and was initially upset with her for not attempting to reach out to her, the two developed a relationship that lasted across multiple seasons, and Abbott was instrumental in guiding Phoebe during the pregnancy of her brother's triplets (you guessed it, more later…), so it seems odd that she wouldn’t even get an invite.

15 Doesn’t Approve Of Frank And Alice

Out of all of Phoebe’s estranged family, her half-brother Frank Jr is by far the most sympathetic and likable. Abandoned by Frank just like Phoebe, they had no way of knowing each other's existence and are both victims of circumstance. As with all of the others, when the two meet in “The One With The Baby On The Bus,” it is by surprise and starts of on shaky emotional ground. However, Phoebe steps into the role of wiser (it’s all relative) older sister to her dimwitted, innocent half-brother, who genuinely wants an older sister.

When, in “The One With The Hypnosis Tape,” Frank announces to his half-sister that he’s getting married, she is delighted for him. When he declares that he’s marrying his high school home economics teacher Alice (or, Ms. Knight, if you will) who is 26 years his senior, Phoebe is shocked by the news and against the wedding. Now, many of us would take the same stance as Phoebe because, well, it’s wrong on so many levels. But you’d think that with her open-mindedness and longing for family, she'd be more empathetic towards her brother and his blind love. In spite of her (understandable) prejudices, she eventually accepts the marriage, which leads us nicely to our next entry.

14 She Carries Her Brother’s Babies

When, in the aptly titled “The One With Phoebe’s Uterus,” Frank and Alice announce to Phoebe that they recently got married (again, absentee invites, along with fathers, seem to a common threat in this family), Phoebe is happy for the newlyweds, and wants to buy them a gift to honour the occasion (something she probably would have done had she been INVITED to the wedding). The couple only want one thing, and that is a child, but since Alice cannot conceive, they want Phoebe (remember her? Frank’s half-sister) to be the surrogate mother.

Phoebe is understandably reluctant, but, bizarrely, acquiesces much quicker to the idea of bearing her brother's offspring than the idea of him marrying a woman twice his age. Seeking council, she approaches her birth mom and namesake for advice. She advises her against it; not because it’s sick, but because of the maternal difficulty of giving away a child after birth! At least she’s got her priorities in order, eh?

But perhaps the biggest question of all is, why Phoebe? Why not a friend of Frank or Alice? Why not adopt? And why not simply choose a surrogate mother who is not related to one of the parents by blood? Just… why?!

13 Married An Ice Dancer

In one of the most random and short-lived storylines in Friends history, a man calls to Rachel and Monica’s apartment looking for Phoebe, when Rachel tells the stranger that Phoebe doesn’t live here but that she’ll tell her he called, he asks Rachel to tell Phoebe that “her husband dropped by.” This opening to the episode entitled, wait for it, “The One With Phoebe’s Husband,” opens ups a Pandora’s box of secrets about Phoebe and the others.

Phoebe reveals that she married the man, Duncan, so that he could get a green card and a path to citizenship in the United States. The only problem is that Phoebe genuinely liked him, but it could never work because Duncan is gay.

When the two meet at Madison Square Garden, where Duncan is ice-skating, he asks Phoebe for a divorce.

He also claims that he is, in fact, straight, and that he met someone else, a fact which comes as a shock to Phoebe.

There are many questions with regards to this episode. First of all, where did Phoebe meet this man? What was it exactly in Canada that he was running from which made him seek asylum in the US, and why are all ice skaters presumed gay? I guess we’ll never know.

12 Two Backups

Phoebe having Joey as a back up just makes sense. As we discovered earlier on, they both have a lot in common and were not tied to one of the other friends like Ross, Rachel, Monica, and Chandler. In the episode “The One With The Proposal Part 2,” Rachel and Phoebe are happy for the recently engaged Monica and Chandler but are slightly jealous and worried about their own futures.

Rachel suggests that she and Phoebe get “back up,” which means that if they both turn 40 and are still unmarried, they will marry their back up, a man who they made a pact with. Phoebe, of course, already has one. Her back up is, of course, Joey, which leaves Rachel with one obvious choice: Ross. The only problem is Ross is Phoebe’s back up too, because according to her, “it only makes sense to back up your back up!”

The only thing is, how did Phoebe come to ask Joey to be her back up? And when? Moreover, why did Phoebe ask someone so antithetical as Ross to be the back up to her back up? And why did she not have the common courtesy to tell Ross that he was her second choice; well, technically third.

11 Origin Of Regina Phalange

One of many Phoebe Buffay aliases, and by far her most frequent, Regina Phalange has made many appearances in a variety of Friends episodes. First appearing in the Season 5 premiere episode “The One After Ross Says Rachel,” Phoebe initially uses the fake name when ringing the mother of Emily (one of Ross’ three ex-wives) introducing herself as Dr. Phalange, Ross’ physician, trying to convince her that he forgot to take his brain medication, which means that “names are interchangeable in his brain,” which is why he said Rachel’s name at the altar.

A fool-proof plan; how it didn’t work is anybody’s guess!

She uses many more times across the final five seasons: among others, as Joey’s agent, Joey’s French sister and as a utility word (“there is something wrong with the left phalange”). We know the first instance in the show that the name (or item, depending on the context) was used, but we are unsure where its origins lie within Phoebe’s brain. She uses it so often that it is obviously of some significance. Maybe there was a Regina Phalange and Phoebe stole her identity… I’ll let fan theorists mull over that one.

10 Doesn’t Believe In Gravity

In “The One Where Heckles Dies,” Phoebe reveals to Ross how she doesn’t believe in the theory of evolution. As we discussed earlier, Ross and Phoebe are often at loggerheads over Ross’ scientific pragmatism and Phoebe’s spiritualism. Naturally enough, this irritates the heck out of Ross, who goes out of his way to try and prove to his friend that evolution is an indisputable fact. In fairness, at the end of the episode, Phoebe does a decent job of using previously disproved scientific theories to support her argument that the theory of evolution could, in time, be proven wrong, which is used as a narrative tool throughout the episode to humble Ross.

However, in that same episode, she also says that she doesn’t believe in gravity, as she feels that “lately [she’s] not so much being pulled down as… pushed.” Now, why Ross, a Ph.D. and a man of science, would harp on the whole evolution thing and not the whole gravity thing is beyond me. Surely, if you’re going to get on your high horse about anything, it’d be gravity, something which affects all of us and we all can understand… even freelance journalists…

9 Everything That Rhymed Was True

In the Season 6 episode “The One That Could Have Been,” we get to see the friends in an alternate universe where some took a different path, some succeeded and some failed: Ross is still married to Carol, Monica is still fat, and Joey never got fired from Days of Our Lives and is very successful. Phoebe undergoes the most drastic change of all though, becoming an uptight, chain-smoking stockbroker.

As atypical of her character as this is, the reason the real world woman gives for not taking the job (initially offered to her by a massage client) is vintage Phoebe Buffay. She explains to Rachel that she believed at the time “that everything that rhymes was true,” thinking that if she took the job she’d have to “live in a box,” “only eat lox and have a pet fox.” This whole diatribe makes sense in the context of Phoebe’s superstitious manner, but still doesn’t make sense in, well, any other possible context, and serves as just another random Phoebe moment that makes no logical sense. Still, though, we thought she’d like the idea of having a pet fox!

8 The Fur Coat

Phoebe doesn’t eat meat out of principle, and in the first entry, we went over how she broke her own rule when she helped Monica demolish a dozen lasagnas. Now, if you think that eating meat is cruel and unnecessary, then the idea of wearing fur would be nothing short of an ideological anathema.

When Phoebe receives an heirloom from her grandmother in the form of a fur coat in “The One With The Yeti,” she is disgusted by it and threatens to throw it away.

Rachel, again, persuades Phoebe to go against her principles and keep the coat (it also helps that Phoebe concludes that it looks really good on her).

When Chandler questions her on the “whole animal rights thing,” Phoebe rationalizes that its okay because she’s been doing some research and she’s discovered that “minks are not very nice.” Eventually, a group of squirrels convinces her to give up the coat (of course), but it begs a few questions: how strong in her convictions is Phoebe really? Why is she so susceptible to peer pressure? Is Rachel actually her friend? Can Phoebe really talk to squirrels and are minks really jerks? So many ridiculous questions…

7 Where Do You Think Mike Really Is?

Perhaps one of the most sinister moments in the series altogether, never mind moments involving Phoebe, is a blink and you’ll miss it moment from “The One With Rachel’s Going Away Party” from the final season. When Chandler finds a pair of handcuffs in his apartment, he wants to know who owns them. Rachel suggests the former tenant Phoebe, who denies these claims, because, according to her, you couldn’t “hang a guy from a water pipe with [them because] they’ll snap like a piece of licorice.”

Now, that’s a risque statement to make, and one that leaves Chandler clearly shaken, if not a little disturbed. When he sheepishly asks Phoebe if she actually hangs guys from water pipes with handcuffs, she devilishly replies: “where do you think Mike really is?”

Would we put an act that would, shall we say, spice up a relationship past Phoebe? Certainly not. However, if what she says is true, where is Mike? It is the middle of the night in the inner city, surely she wouldn’t just leave her boyfriend hanging on some leaky water pipe unattended? Maybe she would… maybe we don’t really wanna know…

6 Aww... Pheebs

An endearing nickname and convenient abbreviation, throughout the show's ten-season run all of her five friendly co-stars have referred to Phoebe, and only Phoebe, by the name Pheebs. So that made it all the more bemusing and ridiculous when in the Season 4 episode “The One With Joey’s Dirty Day,” Phoebe attempts to console Rachel, whose upset that she is unable to spend some alone time with her crush Joshua, by rubbing her head and saying: “Aww… Pheebs.” When a confused Rachel says to her friend that Pheebs is Phoebe’s name and not her own, a now enlightened Phoebe responds by saying: “That’s short for Phoebe? I thought that’s what we just called each other!”

It’s true that Phoebe is the ditziest member of the group, aside maybe from Joey, and is often mentally aloof and in her own world much of the time. Still, it’s hard to believe that, across four seasons and a back story that pre-dates the first season, Phoebe would be unaware of a nickname that is clearly reserved just for her, and sounds almost exactly like her own name! It's also weird that she's never tried calling anyone else this name before (or that nobody's called her out on it).