Disney is pretty well-known for being a magical company. Its cartoons and animated films scream family friendliness, and even its more adult films are PG-13. The day we see an R rated Disney film in existence is when we’ll truly know that the world is coming to an end. But with all this success surrounding the company, it comes as no surprise that Disney would continue to milk off of its successful films with a vast amount of merchandise.
Since Disney is a company that primarily markets toward children, there’s a lot of toys that are connected to these beloved animated characters. From dolls and figures to plushes and drinking cups, Disney’s made just about everything it possibly can to continue to bank off of its more popular films and franchises. But of course, with every company, there’s always goofs and slip-ups.
I hope you’re as prepared as you can possibly be for the horrors you’ll be witnessing today. Some of these toys you’re about to see are so wrong that poor Walt Disney is probably turning in his grave. And yet, some of these toys will leave you looking at every material possession in your life and wondering, “Why? Why does this object have to exist?”
Other objects on this list are also going to leave you curious on the creators of these products. Because I know that after looking at some of these creations, I was debating both the awareness and sanity of the creator. So without further ado, here’s some Disney toys and products that definitely couldn’t be made today.
22 Rad Repeatin’ Tarzan
Now, I know that some parents would be strongly debating whether this is an appropriate toy in the first place, since Tarzan is always clothed in just a loincloth. But just take a second to look at the hand placement on Rad Repeatin’ Tarzan and consider the message it conveys when his hand has the ability to shake up and down. Yep. I guess that’s one way to teach children about these types of matters. It also doesn’t help that this toy makes noises, too.
21 A Mouth Like No Other
Bear in mind that this isn’t the only Disney doll that looks like this. However, considering this is Minnie we’re talking about here, that makes the situation worse. Sure, this doll can sing, but why does her mouth have to look the way it does? Why can’t she just be a singing doll who doesn’t have an oddly shaped mouth? Didn’t Disney realize what this could potentially convey to worrisome adults who don’t want to put anything so weird into their children’s brains?
20 Ride A Duck
If you’ve ever wanted to ride Donald Duck, you have the opportunity to do so. Amusement park rides are meant for children to enjoy a short but chaotic ride on. This Donald Duck ride just screams chaos. After all, why does Donald need to be facing the way he is? Someone give me a legitimate reason as to why he can’t be facing the other way. That would be more logical anyway, right? Right? The ride pictured here is very weird to think about.
19 Vine Jammin’ Tarzan
I honestly don’t really know what to say about this toy because it more or less speaks for itself. For one, it looks like Tarzan is wanting to hang with a snake. Second, what did the snake do wrong in this situation? If this is supposed to be “Vine Jammin’ Tarzan,” then why is there a snake involved here in the first place? That makes absolutely no sense. Advertise properly, Disney and Mattel. It isn’t that difficult to do.
18 Do You Want To Build A Sno Cone?
Now here’s a toy that’s fun for all, especially when it involves food. Sno cone makers are always a delight, but they’re even more fun when they’re designed as lovable Disney mascot characters like Olaf from Frozen. However, let’s just take a second to look at this from a designing standpoint. I get that Olaf is an appealing character, but doesn’t it seem a bit weird to think that the snow cones come from Olaf’s stomach? I think I’m looking into this way too much again.
17 Creepy Woody
So this is a legitimate toy that was made in Japan. Kaiyodo’s Sci-Fi Revoletech Series No. 10 Woody figure is definitely one of the creepiest figures one could ever buy. His face screams pervert. I mean, can you imagine the fun some might have posing him next to their anime girl figures? Also, wouldn’t it be pretty unsettling to wake up and have this figure staring right at you? It’s a nice figure regardless, but that face would give any sane person bad dreams.
16 Cleaning With Minnie
There isn’t actually anything weird or creepy about this toy. However, it might leave some parents looking at it and wondering why this even exists. If children hate doing chores, making their bed, and cleaning their rooms, then what could possibly be so appealing about Minnie’s Bow-tique Cleaning Set? “Cleaning Fun With Minnie?” I thought kids hated cleaning. How does this toy even exist? Are kids actually searching for these kinds of toys and wanting to have fun pretending to clean?
15 An Attractive Microphone
Some parents might look at this microphone and think it’s adorable because of the cute Mickey ears atop the sound piece. Others who constantly have their minds in the place I do will immediately glance at this microphone and think it to be a strange object. Now I’m not saying that it’s shaped in the form of something weird, but to some, it could definitely be viewed that way. I mean, if we want to be technical, all microphones are shaped like this.
Now I know some of you will look at this and think I’m crazy. But I just really don’t like the look of Disney’s Vinylmation figures. I get that the concept revolves around placing beloved Disney characters on a figure that resembles Mickey. But have you seen some of these figures? To me, it just looks like they’re so squished onto these little bodies. Maybe they’re appealing to others, but for me? I think I’ll just stick with my Funko figures.
13 The Incredibles
If I remember correctly, this was a McDonald’s lineup of toys for the Disney and Pixar film The Incredibles. And I get that these are children’s toys in a kid’s meal. Obviously, they’re not going to be perfect. But couldn’t both franchises at least try to produce some decent quality toys? For one, Jack-Jack is huge and I don’t remember him transforming to the size of a skyscraper in any of the films. Also, where exactly is Elastigirl looking at this picture? It’s not directly at us, that’s for sure.
12 Maui Costume
Remember when Disney’s super awesome film Moana came out? Of course, whenever there’s a new Disney movie, all the kids want to dress up from it. However, for some reason, Disney thought it’d be a good idea to release a Maui bodysuit. This in itself is the equivalent of appropriating with cosplay. If a kid more fair-skinned than the one pictured here were to wear this type of costume, I’m sure there’d be plenty of unhappy parents complaining.
11 Belle Doll
Emma Watson was meant to portray Belle in Beauty and the Beast for several reasons, one of which being her similar appearance to the fictional Disney character. However, this doll looks absolutely nothing like the leading actress. To my understanding, the company did end up going back and changing how this Belle doll was manufactured. But look at this. It’s like Justin Bieber put on a wig and decided that he was going to star in the new Disney movie musical.
10 Disney Heroes - Peter Pan
Now if you find yourself looking at this toy and finding it to be not bad in the least, you need to go take a seat and consider what you just said. First off, you have a white male dressed up as a first nations person. That’s far from culturally appropriate. Secondly, let’s take a look at the actual figures portrayed here. They’re just a tad darker than the male in the boat. That’s far from accurate. You’d better watch out, Disney. I’d rather you not make a huge mistake like this again.
9 Magic World Snow
So I got curious and wanted to look up Disney bootleg toys that exist. Of course, there’s hundreds upon hundreds to choose from, but one of my favorites is this pair of sisters from Frozen…I mean, Magic World Snow. Seriously, it’s not like the creators were hiding what they were trying to copy. They have Anna and Elsa on the box. But I guess copyright doesn’t let them say the word Frozen. I will give them credit though on their outfit choices for the girls.
8 Buff Mickey
This was another bootleg figure I found, and it’s of none other than Disney’s main mascot. But sure, let’s take a small mouse and transform him a la JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure style, making him extremely muscular and buff for no good reason. Mickey also just looks like he’s ready to start a fight with whoever tries to come around and steal the Magic Kingdom away from him. This is not a mouse to be messed with, folks. And you know, I think the aspect that makes me the most uncomfortable are the small, yellow shoes.
7 Wishes And Magical Dreams
Obviously this isn’t a toy, unless a child decides to play around and use it as a hat. But I thought the overall aspect here just seemed odd enough to discuss. I get that with all kids, a parent must make potty training appealing to their young. But does it really have to take a potty seat with beloved Disney princesses on it to make your child want to go? You do realize your child’s posterior is sitting on Belle and Cinderella, right?
6 Buzz Lightyear Can Help, I Guess
When it comes to making sure children stay hydrated, fancy cups with beloved fictional characters are a great way to appeal to your kids. I mean, who wouldn’t want to sip out of a cup with Buzz Lightyear atop it? But be forewarned. For if you turn Buzz Lightyear a certain way, it may look as if the straw is positioned in a weird manner. Again, I know this might be looking at the cup from an aspect it shouldn’t really be looked at. But hey. This was the designers’ decision.
5 Aw, Dinglehoppers!
The Little Mermaid is definitely one of Disney’s classic films. It showed kids that it was okay to want to be different from everyone else, even if it means living in a weirdly shaped castle. When the first VHS tape of the movie first released, parents immediately took notice of some odd shapes in the Atlantica castle. In later productions of the film, the design was changed for this reason. Man, Disney animators sure can be sneaky sometimes. You silly animators, you.
4 Best Of Both Worlds?
Ah, yes. Another way Disney markets its shows and movies to children is through the use of food, particularly candy, cereal, and fruit snacks. These Hannah Montana sweet and sour gummies are supposed to resemble guitars and microphones. But remember how we were discussing microphones themselves being shaped oddly? This right here just made that discussion even worse. Even Miley Cyrus doesn’t want to be on this packaging. And can you blame her? She’s staring some male junk in the face.
I’ll admit that out of all the plush toys Disney has released, the Winnie the Pooh sets are always some of the cutest. However, I also really wish that the manufacturers would take into consideration how they package their toys. This especially goes for Tigger plushes. I mean, are the producers thinking about this when they stick Tigger like this? Don’t you think that kids would look at that and be puzzled? Little kids aren’t stupid.
2 Star Wars Sure Is Something
Now that Star Wars is a part of Disney, that’s just even more property for the money-making company to grab and make into toys and products. These are supposed to be pool sticks, but if your mind’s constantly in the gutter like mine is, then you probably don’t see pool sticks. I get that when it comes to toys that look like sticks, it’s hard not to make them into a weird shape. But come on, this is just ridiculous.
1 Hakuna Matata
I’m not quite sure if this is a McDonald’s toy or not, but regardless it has very weird functions. I mean, just looking at the picture of this toy without seeing it in motion is enough to tell you what exactly is going on here. Rafiki, the last time I checked, you’re supposed to show the future king off to Africa, not do something like this. If we’re supposed to be focusing on “Hakuna Matata,” how can there be no worries when this type of behavior is occurring?