When I decide I want to watch a film, I have to set aside at least half an hour to pick one. I can never just select something on a whim—the movie in question needs to be just right for my particular mood. This process involves scrolling through Netflix, Amazon Prime, or any other streaming service I happen to be subscribed to until something leaps out. I can't explain it exactly, but I'll just instinctively know when a film hits the precise note I'm searching for. I've been like this forever. Today it's clicking through algorithm-powered menus; once upon a time it was ponderously dragging a finger along the spines of VHS tapes on a shelf.
Basically, I'm indecisive—to a comical degree. Music is the only form of entertainment I'll engage with impulsively, but books, films, TV shows, and video games? Forget about it. Often I'll spend so long in the evening trying to decide what to read, play, or watch that by the time I pick something, I'm too tired to even enjoy it. I don't know what's wrong with my brain. I'm wondering if anyone reading this will find it amusingly relatable, or just think I'm unhinged. But this ridiculous habit is only getting worse as access to vast quantities of media gets easier. I've always been paralysed by choice. Now I feel cryogenically frozen by it.
Netflix was thrilling at first. An endless supply of things to watch! I'll never be bored again! But over the years I've come to realise that these great, cavernous libraries of stuff, including the likes of Game Pass, are a curse in disguise. Growing up, games were a luxury. Getting my hands on something new was a rare event, and I bled every single one of them dry as a result. When you only have a handful of games stacked next to your PlayStation, you appreciate them on a much deeper level—even if they're shit. They're all you have, and you're going to squeeze every last morsel of value out of them until the next one comes along.
This is getting into dangerous rose-tinted nostalgia territory, but my point is that when you have limited access to games, your relationship with them is more meaningful. They feel like something that has value—not just another unit of entertainment tumbling past glazed-over eyes. Game Pass is value for money and almost certainly the future of the industry. Sony is already trying to compete with it, and others will follow suit. But for someone as indecisive as me, there's just too much choice in this enormous content buffet. I can never settle on something to play, and when I do the games I install feel weirdly throwaway.
Netflix, Game Pass, Kindle Unlimited, and all the rest of these subscription-based on-demand services almost encourage you to treat their content like it's disposable. Play a game for 30 minutes. Nah, not into it. Uninstall. Try something else. Nah, don't like that either. Next. There's always something else vying for your attention, and as you get older and time becomes more of a premium, the feeling that you could be playing something better, using your time more wisely, is all-consuming. The endless parade of media marching noisily through my brain is becoming exhausting, to the point where I'm now trying to resist it.
I'm buying more stuff, and appreciating it more. When I spend money on something, it's not just another fleeting nugget of content careening through my disengaged brain: it's a thing I own and will strive to get my money's worth out of. Because I don't have infinite funds, I only have a few things to play, read, or watch each month, rather than a bottomless abyss of momentary distractions. I'm going cold turkey on most streaming and on-demand type subscriptions, and feeling a lot better for it. I'm still as painfully indecisive as I've always been, but having 40 films to choose from rather than 4,000 makes life slightly easier.