Most video game heroes find themselves in situations that match their job description. With no shortage of knights, bounty hunters, and space marines for players to guide, adventure is all in a day's work. Even games like Stardew Valley that focus on more mundane tasks are led by characters who belong in the role.
Sometimes, though, destiny calls someone who just isn't cut out for it. These hapless heroes are well-meaning, but ultimately should probably just stick to what they're good at - or at the very least get an expert opinion before they go off into life-threatening situations.
7 Lara Croft
The heroine of Tomb Raider needs little introduction, but Lara is a classic example of a protagonist who often does more harm than good. She's the heir to a vast fortune which she spends on ill-conceived adventures to far-flung parts of the globe.
While most of the idle rich are content to attend dinner parties and write checks to charitable causes, Lara spends her days disturbing ancient deities and getting people killed. The world might be a less exciting place if Lara Croft focused more on her portfolio than on her next adrenaline rush, but it would certainly be a safer one.
6 Byleth
The protagonist of Fire Emblem: Three Houses is a sword-for-hire who finds themselves suddenly thrust into the world of academia. Despite Byleth's credentials amounting to little more than "my dad knows someone," they are given a faculty position at the Officers' Academy at Garreg Mach Monastery.
Tasked with educating the best and brightest of Fódlan's youth, Byleth wastes no time in throwing their students into mortal danger and inappropriately fraternizing with them. Forget Nemesis, the Academy should be more worried about the string of lawsuits (from angry parents who have personal armies, mind you) that they can expect as a result of Byleth's actions.
5 Miku Hinasaki
There's no shortage of teenage gaming heroes who should have just stayed in school, and Fatal Frame's Miku Hinasaki tops the list. When her older brother - and only living relative - Mafuyu disappears while investigating a haunted mansion, seventeen-year-old Miku grabs a flashlight and goes in after him.
A more reasonable person might have first contacted the authorities, or at the very least a priest, before taking it upon herself to go into a cursed house full of angry spirits, but Miku just walks right in with a can-do attitude and impeccable fashion. If she hadn't been lucky enough to find the Camera Obscura, an enchanted camera that can exorcise the restless dead, Miku would certainly have disappeared without a trace that night.
4 The Prince Of All Cosmos
Katamari Damacy's Prince has the thankless job of cleaning up his father's messes time and time again. The King Of All Cosmos routinely breaks important things like stars and the very fabric of reality itself, and browbeats his only son into clumping assorted objects together into a makeshift replacement.
The Prince doesn't deserve his father's abuse and should be allowed to just kick back with his cousins on the tiny planetoid they call home. Let the King fix his own mistakes for once.
3 Shaquille O'Neal
The '90s were a weird time for NBA crossovers. While most people think of Space Jam when it comes to that particular media subcategory, gamers of a certain age will always remember the ill-fated fighting game Shaq-Fu. The game features the legendary center battling alongside a cast of interdimensional warriors to defeat the evil Sett-Ra. Yes, really.
Shaq-Fu is regularly included on lists of the worst games of all time, but despite this, it got a sequel in 2018... after years of delays. Shaq may be one of the most eclectic and talented individuals currently living, but like free throws, it seems he has a blind spot when it comes to video games.
2 Noctis Lucis Caelum
Noctis, the protagonist of Final Fantasy 15, occupies a strange spot on this list in that his day job is very much that of a video game hero. About midway through the game, however, one notorious side quest asks Noctis to take on the role of brand spokesman for a real-world product instead.
The infamous The Perfect Cup quest sees Noctis and his companions debating the best toppings for their favorite brand of convenience-store ramen, Cup Noodles. As the fabulously wealthy prince and his closest friends discuss the finer points of preparing processed food served in a Styrofoam cup, they resolve to hunt dangerous beasts to find better ingredients for their soup. The quest chain ends with Gladiolus telling the gang that the experience has made him "appreciate Cup Noodles even more." This is the same series that revolutionized storytelling in video games several times over, reduced to ham-fisted product placement. Noctis and his pals should have just stuck to saving the world.
1 Slippy Toad
Slippy is a core member of the Star Fox team, appearing as Fox's wingman in nearly every entry in the series. The timid toad is a gifted mechanic, but his technical prowess is not matched by his piloting skills. Slippy is constantly in need of saving and has probably caused more damage to his Arwing than the other pilots on the team combined.
There's no question that Slippy is a wizard with a wrench, so why is he given flight duty when he's clearly so bad at it? Surely Fox could find a better pilot for the team and let Slippy do what he does best. If nothing else, putting Slippy in the pilot's seat is a huge liability for the team, since losing him would mean losing his expertise in the garage. Of all the video game heroes out there, Slippy more than anyone should be allowed to stick to his day job.