The Grand Theft Auto series is a definitive classic of the video game world. Everyone loves to play it and developers want their games to be just like it, or at least have the fame its accrued over the years. These games are set in a very similar parallel world to ours, if that world was bent on parodying everything in our own. New York City is Liberty City, Los Angeles is Los Santos, and the obvious Starbucks-esque coffee company is called Bean Machine. Everything here is familiar, but so, so much more chaotic. This is no surprise, considering that the original game was only conceived because a glitch in a racing game the developers were working on caused the police cars to go wildly and hilariously after the player.
In this series, the gamer plays as someone who is always connected to the shadier side of society one way or another, though usually on the lower rungs and committing petty crimes. These characters are invariably sucked deep into the criminal underworld either on purpose or through some wild coincidence that lands them indebted to a crime organization. One of these coincidences include one character purposely ruining the multimillion dollar home thinking that it belongs to the man who got with his wife, only to find out it belonged to the most dangerous and successful crime lords in the city. After that, the plots only thicken, and become stranger.
One of the staples of this series is the massive sandbox, and nearly limitless things to do. As of the latest instalment, characters were able to fly planes and even pilot a submarine. What many players buy the game for though is the ability to be as destructive as they want to be, and suffer no real world consequences for it. Due to the absolute craziness that is this series however, there are many, many things that simply just don’t make sense. Join us today as we take a look at 20 things in Grand Theft Auto that just make no sense.
20 The Worst Driving Instructor Ever
What would a series called Grand Theft Auto be if you couldn’t, you know, commit grand theft auto? Easily the signature past time of the games, different citizens in different cities can have a wildly different reaction to you deciding that you own their car now. From running and calling the police, to even trying to fight you for their car, hilarity ensues either way. What doesn’t help with the temptation of taking a car is just how beautifully rendered and awesome they can be. So of course, the developers needed to ensure that driving is as easy to do as possible.
Unfortunately, real life driving is generally not as easy or as fun as it is in GTA.
In the real world, if you damage your car, you can easily be set back a few thousand dollars for repair. You also can't observe your surroundings in third person to help you have a better grasp on the cars around you. Just like in the game, first person driving mode can be hard work.
19 Because This Didn’t Exist Before Video Games Apparently
In today’s interconnected world where anyone anywhere can receive the news out of anyplace instantly, it’s easy to feel that the world is only becoming more and more violent. When this happens, people start to feel like their world is becoming out of their control, and in order for it to make sense again, they need to blame something for today's troubles. So, because Grand Theft Auto loves to sensationalize imaginary violence and make it look fun for the sake of entertainment, many people blame Grand Theft Auto for making individuals more prone to committing crime.
The world is just not so simple though and, the truth is, violence can be found everywhere, from movies and TV shows, to even classical art. Especially classical art, actually. Ironically, perhaps the worst culprit can be argued to come from the news itself, which loves to do stories on how the newest violent video game will corrupt citizens and make them do bad things. As any gamer knows though, this simply just isn’t true.
Comic by Dorkly.
18 Not Everyone Loves Bowling, Roman
In Grand Theft Auto IV: Liberty City, we are introduced to Niko Bellic, an Eastern European immigrant who has come to America in order build a better life for himself. Initially, the only person that he knows in this new country is his cousin, Roman. Roman lives for the American dream, and has actually built himself a nice taxi company for himself to run.
As Niko goes about his adventures in Liberty City, Roman sometimes plays a part in these missions. Most of the time though, you’ll randomly receive a call from Niko’s cousin and be asked to go bowling.
This can easily be one of the most irritating aspects of the game. While there are plenty of fun mini games for you to play, the game seems to insist on you regularly playing the most boring one of all. What’s worse is that he’ll ask at the most inconvenient of times, as depicted in this comic. This distraction can easily take a police chase that you were winning and turn it into a crash fest as you lose control during a vital moment.
Comic by Dorkly.
17 Tough Break For You, Santa Claus
It seems that not even Jolly Ol’ Saint Nick isn’t safe from Grand Theft Auto, both the game and the crime. It is rather hilarious however how quickly you can score a new vehicle in the game this way. What’s hard to believe about this comic though is how Santa Claus of all people would just let someone take his sleigh. First and foremost, he has magic. Second of all, his sleigh is run by flying reindeer who may or may not be sentient. There’s no way that they would be cool with some random person taking off with the sleigh!
Considering how the game loves to throw in the odd fantastical element into things to mix it up, such as aliens and ghosts, it’s actually surprising why Santa Claus has never been a part of the game. In the online community, once a year for a few weeks around Christmas, Los Santos (Grand Theft Auto V) receives a light dusting of snow for players to make snowballs out of. This is a cute addition, but perhaps Rockstar should consider some kind of Christmas themed heist as well.
Comic by Jagodibuja.
16 We’ll Burn That Bridge When We Get To It
Grand Theft Auto IV: Liberty City is set in a massive sandbox that resembles New York City. Liberty City, however, has a few main islands for players to visit. Except that you can only access each new area as you progress through the story, at least without immediately receiving a five star wanted rating. For some strange reason, the developers decided that police have locked down the different bridges leading elsewhere until the player completes the right missions.
By “locked down”, we mean barriers, police cruisers, and trigger happy officers just waiting for your character to just try to make it over to the other side. Just to be clear, it can take a bit of effort to ramp up your wanted rating for a full five stars normally, but trying to cross a locked down bridge will immediately set you to the highest rating, which usually ends with a very quickly achieved game over screen.
Comic by Dorkly.
15 If Only It Were This Easy
In the fifth instalment of the series, players are finally able to customize their characters beyond a simple change of clothes or tattoos. This time, you can walk into your local barbershop and get whatever haircut you want. We do mean any haircut, by the way. This way you can experiment with any hairstyle you want, at any time. Unfortunately, Grand Theft Auto V is the most realistic yet of the games, with a plethora of wildlife roaming the countryside and a huge variety of different citizens and their reactions to what you do. This can include snapping photos on their cellphones if your character is driving a fancy car.
You can walk in clean shaven and with a buzz cut, and exit with an epic beard and a full mane of hair.
This realism ends up working against the game however, and the aforementioned magical haircuts that put hair back on had some players feel that a game that can allow your character to survive a high speed car crash with not so much as a limp has hit its limit for suspension of disbelief. To these players, the idea that short hair that Trevor sports can easily become a mullet in one sitting is just too much. This comic nails the one and only real response to these extreme realism fans: It’s a video game.
Comic by Dorkly.
14 Grandma Used To Be An Olympian
Grand Theft Auto loves to stretch the bounds of realism, especially if it can make the game more funny. That still doesn’t mean that every once in a while, you can’t help but look at something within the game world and be utterly flummoxed. Within the games, you can find the elderly going about their business as usual and they might even have a walker or a cane as they go about as fast as your average snail. Do anything to disrupt the peace, however, and suddenly everyone apparently is out to make a new world record.
Really, this can be anyone, not even the elderly. This can just as easily be an obese person that happens to be nearby as well who seems to be moonlighting as a track star. Even someone that is heavily injured, especially in the leg, will race away like they’ve been training for this their whole lives and are in peak health. This can make chasing someone down to beat them up particularly difficult.
13 The Ultimate Challenge
In the world of Liberty City and Los Santos, the police go by a particularly odd way of measuring the appropriate level of response to a criminal. This rating is in the form of a scale of one to six stars, with one being chased by very angry yet easily disengaged cops, to six stars, which essentially all but brings in the National Guard to come take you in, or down. When characters have a five star rating, it usually means they’re either in a great deal of trouble or are about to have a great deal of fun, depending on how they look at it.
Considering the extreme response of heavily armoured vans, SWAT, and weaponized helicopters that come after a player, sometimes players like to imagine what a seven star rating would bring. This comic is probably everyone’s new hopes as to what would happen in the event of a seven star rating. A gigantic Jaeger being flown in, demanding your surrender as you immediately take it for yourself. It’s any players dream.
Comic by Dorkly.
12 Some Real Tough Trees They Got There
The chaotic nature of the Grand Theft Auto games usually call for players to drive wildly wherever they go. It’s in fact so unexpected in the game for your character to follow the rules of the road that it doesn’t even seem programmed to respond like you are. Waiting at a traffic light like everyone else might result in a fist fight as the AI assumes that your character is just purposely block the road. So what else is there to do but to drive up on the sidewalk and get to your destination that way?
This wouldn’t be nearly as simple though without the fact that apparently lamp posts and traffic lights are made out of cardboard and wishes, and will become detached from where they stand almost at the lightest bump. Trees on the other hand are an entirely different story. Apparently, every one there is made out of pure iron, as not even a tank ramming it at full speed can so much as cause a tree to shake its leaves. We’d like to meet the person who invented these indestructible plants. For a friendly chat, of course.
11 Trevor Can't Handle Clowns
Trevor Philips is crazy. He’s extremely violent, unpredictable, and just loves to cause mayhem for kicks. When players switch from character to character, they’re often greeted with a very brief look into the daily life of that person. Michael might be arguing with his wife, Franklin might be leaving a bar, but Trevor might be found randomly chasing down some poor man in his car down the length of the aboveground concrete drainage ditch. It’s a non-stop riot when you decide to ride with Trevor.
However, there is one thing in this life that Trevor fears and it's clowns.
During a nightmare sequence in the game, Trevor is confronted by a horde of unending hostile clowns. For a man that more or less faces down everything with maniacal laughter, the fact that he can't stand clowns raises all sorts of questions about his character as a whole.
Comic by xXTrettaXx.
10 You’re Going To Be Real Sorry For That!
Anyone that has played a Grand Theft Auto game can attest to the fact that police are some of the most apathetic NPCs in the game. You can blow through red lights, race down the road at high speeds, and even crash into other citizens without them batting an eye. When you do end up doing something wrong though, you’d better hope that you can get away immediately. This can include even the tiniest infraction, such as accidentally bumping into them or even their cars.
After that, it’s off to the races as you try everything you have to get out of there in once piece, even under the hail of bullets as you are. If you manage to accidentally hurt one or even take one out while driving on the sidewalk, then they’ll almost instantly be out in force. Good luck finding a safe house or a garage to get a new paint job on your car. You’re almost guaranteed to either end up busted or in the hospital.
Comic by Mart Virkus.
9 Niko Enjoying The Quiet Life
The series has made its mark in terms of fun mini games for players to enjoy within their world. Most of these mini games are voluntary, but as the series has started to point towards showing the more domestic side of a characters life, you’ll sometimes be tasked with doing something menial. In Liberty City, Niko joins a dating site as part of a complicated heist plan, but afterwards, you’re given the option of using the dating site on your own time.
Niko only has a few options to work with and, when he connects with someone, you’re required to go on regular dates with them. This doesn’t really go anywhere, but sometimes it’s hard not to feel that we’re not that far away from what this comic shows. Especially considering that Grand Theft Auto V features Michael De Santa, who has a whole family that he lives and interacts with.
Comic by RoosterTeeth.
8 So That’s How They Do It
There’s a lot to be said towards the realistic features that Rockstar has put into their games. Most of these features can be extremely immersive, but as we’ve discussed before, some of your options for customizing has raised some eyebrows. This is namely going in for a haircut, and being able to walk out again with a lot more than you had when you walked in with.
This comic shows one way this was accomplished. Everyone is well aware of how a barber shop’s floor always has hair on it, especially when they’ve been too busy to properly sweep the place. So where better to get someone their extra hair than the from the stuff that’s already on the floor! Hey, it’s not like the original owners are using it anyway.
Comic by Scott Ramsoomair.
7 Wheel Of Fortune
There’s plenty of debate in gaming forums everywhere on what kind of user interface is best. How players interact with the game and input commands is paramount to their enjoyment. If done wrong, it can ruin an otherwise good game entirely. Originally, Grand Theft Auto used the directional pad for players to select weapons. This worked well enough, and could allow players to switch weapons very quickly.
With the creation of the weapon wheel in video games, players feel that something has been fixed that wasn’t broken in the first place.
In fact, some gamers feel that the weapon wheel is an awful way to pick your weapons. It usually requires the action to either slow down or pause entirely as you use your analog stick to rotate through the selection of weapon types, and the D-Pad to select a specific weapon. Which did you think was better?
Comic by Cad-Comic.
6 Not Everyone Is Excited For A New Release
Whenever a video game company releases a new game, especially one that is the next instalment of a series, some people are naturally excited while others not so much. For example, the executives at Rockstar would be pumped for the all the money they’re about to make, gamers with lots of time on their hands or with no wish to stick with their responsibilities would be excited. So would many news agencies, as many love to fill up time with a segment about how the newest Grand Theft Auto is going to drastically corrupt the youth.
On the other end of the scale, the creators of Grand Theft Auto clones or similar games such as Saints Row are going to be bracing for a major dip in sales. Good students who are also gamers are going to be frustrated that this wasn’t released in the summer when they had nothing better to do, as well as gamers with day jobs who don’t have the time to sit around and play to their hearts content. It seems that there’s no room for a happy medium in video games.
Comic by Dorkly.
5 Open Carry Is Legal, Jaywalking Not So Much
The police in the Grand Theft Auto games are incredibly inconsistent to say the least. Players can run over multiple civilians, litter, or pick fights without the cops doing anything to stop you. You can even openly carry a rifle or even a rocket launcher past an officer walking their beat, and apparently they won’t feel the need to ask any questions. Once you do anything to bother them however, it’s open season on you.
They can be set off for the most insignificant of reasons. Bumping into their car ever so slightly will cause them to call for back up. If you accidentally run into them on the street as your rushing towards somewhere else, prepare to run or be brought in. Either way, it must be tough being a citizen in the world of Grand Theft Auto.
4 Nothing But A Slap On The Wrist
That all being said, what happens you do get caught is just as bizarre. You could be having a merry day, racing down sidewalks and taking out poor civilians left and right. You see a police cruiser and slam on the brakes just in time to come to a full stop, except that you very slightly bumped their car. After a good half hour of racing around the city and racking up a five star wanted level, you manage to be arrested as you run away.
Instead of your character doing several life sentences in a maximum security prison, you’ll find yourself back out on the streets with only a few grand missing from your pocket.
Apparently justice favours anyone with five thousand dollars in their pocket. You also will be missing your weapons if you’re playing Liberty City, but considering the kind of cash that Niko manages to rake in, you’ll be armed to the teeth just like before in no time.
Comic by PortugeseGeese.
3 Is This Game Trying To Tell Us Something?
Roman from Liberty City is an avid bowler. At least, that's what the game is telling us by being programmed to have him regularly invite us to take a break from our rampage to play a mini game with with. It's funny, really. It's almost as if the game is trying to discourage players from using the time between missions to cause chaos.
Ironically, these invitations can feel almost constant sometimes, which can very quickly drive a player up the wall. Roman, we've told you five times in a row that we don't want to go bowling with you. Please, for your own sake, take a hint!
Comic by BrokenTeapot.
2 No Really, Trevor Is Scary
How anyone as crazy and violent as Trevor has managed to stick around is anyone’s guess. Though it can just as easily be argued that he’s still around because of it. As an aspiring crime lord, Trevor strikes fear into the hearts of his fellow criminals in and around Sandy Shores, and no wonder. His insanity more or less makes him a man that is capable of doing literally anything he puts his mind to, no matter how crazy it is. If he wants to steal a top secret weapon being tested at the bottom of the ocean, he’ll figure it out.
He just simply doesn’t care about the consequences of what he does, and that makes him a supremely dangerous man. If he ended up as the security guard at Five Nights At Freddy's, it's the haunted animatronics that would have to watch out. When you need someone for an impossible job, Trevor is your man, because “impossible” may literally not exist in his vocabulary.
Comic by Rokatinsky.
1 That’s One Way To Skip The Journey
Perhaps one day, as you race around the city and surrounding area causing all sorts of mayhem, you find your vehicle destroyed and no way to get another. Or perhaps, you just feel like getting to your destination much more quickly. This is when players call a cab, and if they don’t accidentally steal it (Thank you Liberty City for making the “join as a passenger” button the same as the “steal” button), they can find themselves on a quiet journey to their destination, free at last to just look out the window and relax.
Unfortunately, that can be supremely boring no matter how beautiful the environment is, so a player may then decide to hold down the “step on it” button, causing their driver to take a leaf out of the player’s book and drive like a maniac. The other option is to press the button that allows you to skip the journey, and this comic is a hilarious imagining of what must happen next. The character blacks out and wakes up leaving the cab at their destination, so it’s no stretch to think that the driver decided to facilitate the black out himself.