27 Hilarious Disney Toys That Make No Sense

These 30 hilarious official Disney toys and bootlegs are an absolute consumer nightmare. Who was checking the quality on these?

If you’re familiar with our website, we love making fun of the things we love, including Disney. This is partly because Disney is an incredibly thriving empire that has proven extreme success in purchasing other business and, as hard as it may be to admit, making them better.

Just look at big names like Pixar and Marvel, if the Avengers series is any indication of how incredibly talented the production team is over at Disney, you can just imagine how skillful their marketing team must be. Time and time again, various Disney characters have become iconic symbols that have fans fawning, collectors hoarding, and children throwing toy-aisle tantrums. These characters our favorite superheroes, old-school Disney Princesses, newer princesses like Elsa, and Moana, the silly yellow minions, and of course, Mickey Mouse. The Disney franchise knows exactly how to take a 2D illustration and make it an icon. Though, with a company so vast, we can't expect everything they create to exist without flaw, as some of their creations happen to miss the mark.

As the title suggests, you are about to see some pretty weird Disney merchandise. To be fair to Disney, we need to admit that some of the items on this list are bootlegs that are not their doing. Bootlegs are unofficial toys that steal from franchises and call them something else. For example, Mickey Mouse could be called Morty Mouse as a bootleg when it’s obviously supposed to be Mickey. We still include them on this list though because they are so entertaining to look at.

That’s only a fraction of this list though. Most of these are Disney official and they just make us wonder what Disney was thinking when they "okayed" these toys to be released into society. So enjoy!

27 Queen Of Hearts

via: thirsty.co

This is the biggest fail of toy design. Did the person who designed this card deck just not know a single thing about Alice in Wonderland?

It’s like they just thought, “Oh, this character, who I know nothing about, looks weird so I’ll make her the three of clubs.”

So who was the Queen of Hearts in this set? The Mad Hatter? Alice? You know who should have been the three of clubs? One of the card soldiers, of course!

26 Emma Watson’s Belle

via: popsugar.com

You’re probably familiar with this Barbie, especially if you are one of our regulars. This Barbie is internet infamous as a toy failure. We have nothing against the Beauty and the Beast remake, but they did create some ugly toys. Aside from this Barbie, their Funko Pops are just creepy.

We also love Emma Watson, so this doll is a major offense to her beautiful face. That’s not Emma, that’s Justin Bieber and the designers should know that they made a mistake.

25 “Barbie Loves Woody”

via: topsimages.com

The designers for this did not consider that Woody is more than just a name for a Toy Story character. They should not have written “Barbie loves Woody” on this box.

Luckily, the average kid won’t get the meaning behind that sentence.

Can we also just talk about Barbie’s shirt? No one would ever wear that unless they wanted to create an ironic fashion meme. It’s a mess. It’s okay though, since this is just one from a thousand of Barbie’s sudden phases.

24 Let’s Eat Olaf

via: amazon.ca

You would be better off with any other snow cone maker in the world. Olaf is made of snow, so are we actually eating Olaf through this strange toy design? Is there a time he does this for Elsa and Anna? Disney would do that. They would think it is funny, and they are not totally wrong.

Olaf’s face is also a mistake. Being happy about being eaten is a little much. Then again, what face would make this less awful? None, that’s what.

23 Deformed Yoda

via: pixmafia.com

This toy is even commercialized for how bad it is. See the box? It says “super-deformed plush.” They knew what they were doing but they act like it’s a normal toy some person would want!

Do they imagine, “Hey Timmy, I got you a deformed Yoda for Christmas. Not a normal Yoda like our silly neighbors.”

His lightsaber is literally a pool noodle and his eyes look like a perishing iguana. This looks like a cheap State Fair prize.

22 Mr. Potato Buzz Lightyear

via: pinterest.com

So is this Mr. Potato Head dressed as Buzz Lightyear or is this Buzz Lightyear if he was a Mr. Potato Head?

Other photos show that you can take him apart like any other Mr. Potato Head, so that’s cool, but you can just do that with a regular Mr. Potato Head. Why combine Buzz Lightyear with Mr. Potato Head? The two toys are better on their own. If anything, it would be better to release Buzz Lightyear pieces separately.

21 Winnie The Pooh With Teeth

via: imgur.com

Reddit has rightly dubbed this toy the “cursed Winnie the Pooh.” Rumor has it, this is probably a bootleg toy, so it’s likely not Disney official. Also, why does it look like this toy is in a waiting room?!

The only place this toy would make sense is a dentist’s office.

Dentists’ are already bad dream fuel, so this Winnie the Pooh could serve as a distraction. They could possibly use this bootleg to show kids how to brush their teeth right.

20 Nosy Cinderella

via: creativemarket.com

To be fair, it was probably easy for this to go wrong for the designers. They likely took an image and an already made puzzle design and combined the two to create this mistake. Once you see the mistake, you cannot un-see it though.

Is this puzzle meant to be a clock? That would explain the numbers lined on the edges of the puzzle. If that’s true, the mistake probably wouldn’t be noticed. If it was noticed though, it would bother you for the rest of your life.

19 Nala’s Strange Eye

via: bordomtherapy.com

This Nala was a one-of-a-kind mistake, as the photo shows that the other toys of her were produced as well. So is this a bootleg or not?

We’re going with a probable bootleg since even the normal version of her looks a little strange.

The one with the eye situation is an overboard mistake though. It could be bought out of pity and given an eyepatch to create a Pirate Nala. You might need a very big eyepatch though.

18 Bootleg Woody

via: denofgeek.com

Please please please have a Toy Story were the main characters meet bootleg versions of themselves. There is nothing I want more. That scenario is untapped comedy gold.

So yes, this is a bootleg Woody. This is funny because Woody has about no room for creativity in terms of toys since he is a toy already. This bootleg looks like Woody’s strange uncle. Just look under his foot and if it says, “Not Andy’s,” then this bootleg would be complete.

17 Toy Special Buzz Lightyear

via: stuffyoushouldknow.com

Do you want a friend to match your bootleg Woody? Here's bootleg Buzz Lightyear!

His facial expression is priceless. It’s like a mix of confusion, anger, and pain. Please let him be in a real Toy Story movie! He would be the best part!

Aside from his crazy face, the toy looks pretty close to the real deal. Well, maybe if the box didn't say “Toy Special” rather than Toy Story. I’d probably watch “Toy Special” though. That sounds like fun.

16 Alice In Wonderland Dorbz

via: target.com

For those that don’t know, Dorbz are basically another version of Funko Pop. They can be cute.

However, this particular toy shows why live-action remakes should not create toys.

The character is utterly unrecognizable. Without the box, no one is going to know that this is the Alice from Alice in Wonderland. They would recognize the original Disney’s Alice, which there is a Dorbz of. This one looks like she could be anywhere from Game of Thrones to Lord of the Rings.

15 Anna Knockoffs

via: toyboxphilosopher.com

Notice how all of their tops are similar but different? It’s like the end of BioShock Infinite when you meet all the various Elizabeth’s from across the various universes before they drown Booker. It’s kind of cool but also very unsettling.

Princess Anna impersonators everywhere are shaking. These dolls look like a trio of shapeshifters who got a couple of details wrong and we now have to guess which one is real. At least they managed to get the hair and skirt right.

14 Mickey, Donald, And Goofy Bootlegs

via: pinterest.com

Owning one of these just as a conversation piece makes sense. The Mickey and Donald are the best because they are screaming as if they are self-aware that they are bootlegs and were never meant for this world. Goofy is not screaming but his eyes still are, which actually makes him seem a little more frightening.

It looks like these are in a claw machine so they are only worth how good you are at the claw machine. No matter what, it looks like a bad deal.

13 Vintage Mickey And Minnie Figurines

via: pinterest.com

Sometimes we do lists about the most expensive Disney items along with items that are just ugly and then it gets weird because the two categories start overlapping. The reason is that vintage things just become unsettling relics and their age makes them rarer and thus more expensive.

Trust us when we say vintage Mickeys are bad dream fuel.

They have some really creepy smiles. Those eyes aren’t much better either. They are giant voids waiting to steal your soul.

12 Hamburger Mickey

via: disneytouristblog.com

Mickey’s head has become a huge cultural symbol. Not his realistic face either, but the raw three-circle drawing of his head. It’s on shirts, tattoos, and all sorts of Disney merchandise. There are so many all over the parks of Disney World and Disneyland that people make games of how many they can spot while waiting in line for the rides.

Due to all this, we have this ridiculous keychain. To anyone who lives under a rock, it’s just three hamburgers. Most of us see Mickey’s face though because Disney owns our souls.

11 Hipster Belle

via: amazon.com

This is literally just Belle with black-rimmed fake glasses. Why not just get the regular Belle? Just...why give her glasses? Glasses are not even a symbol of being a nerd anymore since being nerdy has become more popular. It’s now more of a symbol of being a hipster.

Belle is kind of a hipster in her village I guess.

She is the odd one out, but hipsters do that on purpose just to be cool. Belle does not need to feel cool. She just likes what she likes.

10 More Frozen Knockoffs

via: pinterest.com

This is the possibly one of the worst Elsa knockoffs that can be found on the internet. She’s the worst of the group and she’s smack-dab in the center! Her hair is the wrong color, her dress is plain, and her face gives off a vibe of inner-screaming.

Then there is Sven. Sven’s eyes are enormous.

One of his antlers looks broken. Han’s face, like Elsa’s, gives off an inner-screaming vibe. The snowmen look somewhat okay at least. Why is Olaf saluting while staring up?

9 Olaf Pillow

via: MizzMummy.com

The rule of these kinds of pillows is that they should be reserved for four-legged animals. When you try to make someone with two legs a Jumbo pillow, it just looks wrong. Olaf looks like he has fallen down but can’t get up and has consequently deformed. Olaf toys usually look ecstatic but I think this is the face of Olaf wanting to not exist. Those eyes? They look like strange eyes. There is no life in them.

8 Creepy Wooden Mickey

via: completeset.com

If you tried, you could probably injure someone with this Mickey. It looks like its pure wood and rope, which is not something you'd want to snuggle with in bed.

Imagine that thing gaining sentience. You would just hear CLONK CLONK CLONK as it moved through your house with its freaky wood legs.

The creepy smile does not help. His lack of hands does not help either. Put that thing in a rocking chair and you have the perfect plot for a scary movie.

7 Disney Doorables

via: ruralmom.com

Some people like these. They just can’t say no to those sparkling eyes that look like they are begging.

These are collectibles, so there are a ton of them. Each is equally as sparkly and possesses eyes the same glistening puppy eyes. To be honest, they just look cheap and ugly. Maybe they could be cute Christmas ornaments? But on their own, they just have nothing to offer except sad plastic sockets and sparkles. They are reminiscent of today’s bug-eyed Beanie Babies.

6 More Scary Mickey

via: pinterest.com

You should get this toy if you want people to think your house is haunted. This vintage monstrosity looks like a monster wearing Mickey’s skin.

The flesh-colored face is the worst because it gives off the look of a newborn baby but it’s shaped to have a snout and button nose.

There is something about its expression that looks joyful and angry at the same time, and that’s the worst kind of joyful or angry. It can and will destroy life.

5 Precious Moments Buzz And Woody

via: amazon.com

This is such a clash between two aesthetics. It’s like your super religious grandma’s house meets a little toddler’s room who loves Toy Story. These figures can only be imagined as the toys of an eccentric old lady.

What I really want is for these Precious Moments Woody and Buzz meet and speak with Woody and Buzz’s voice actors. Now that is comedy gold.

Wait a second, is Buzz Lightyear a blonde? Do we ever see his hair? He shouldn’t have hair.

4 Wise Puppet

via: bradmcginty.bigcartel.com

Sometimes bootlegs are aware that they are bootlegs and that's what makes them desirable. It’s like a gag item. This appears to be what this item is trying to do.

“Wise Puppet has come out exile from the Planet Dojobah and is ready to move into your heart!” wrote a seller on Store Hole. “This masterful recreation of the famous bootleg toy can now be yours!”

“Famous” bootleg? Sorry, but this is still going on our list. You buyers are crazy.

3 Winnie The Pooh Ring Toss

via: thirsty.co

Where the cones are supposed to land has been carelessly placed by someone either very naïve or very apathetic to their design.

Or maybe they were like, “Oh, parents are complaining about my Winnie the Pooh ring toss? Good. That was my plan all along.”

It doesn’t really matter since kids wouldn’t, or at least shouldn’t, see the poor design flaw the grown-ups see. This seems to be the nuance for much of the Disney movie comedy we know and love anyway. Grown-ups wouldn’t play ring toss alone for fun, right?

2 Ugly Sweater Lotso

via: vinylmationworld.com

We’re not going to dunk on this without giving a nod to the maker, custom Vinylmation artist Breanna Eckhardt. This stuff takes real paintwork and if it were me, I certainly would have made something that doesn't look even remotely like a sweater or Lotso.

We will, however, still complain about ugly sweater culture sneaking into Disney culture to make this hybrid. The artist tried to make Mickey Mouse ears look like Lotso’s on an incomplete backdrop of snow. The strawberries on the sweater are a nice touch though since Lotso smells of strawberries.

1 Deformed Porg

via: thinkgeek.com

If Disney knew anything, it’s that porgs are bank. They exist only for bank. It’s the ewok of the new Star Wars, since they are essentially giant teddy bears. So many things are created just to make bank on merchandise. However, this particular porg has a deformation. It looks like a different kind of alien.

It’s like a primitive sketch someone drew when they first saw a porg.

That’s not to mention the strangely unsettling shape on its head. That’s probably the worst part of this toy.

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