The story of the Dragonborn was so terrific and awesome that it passed through the boundaries of the nerd and has become common knowledge to all. We walk along the streets and here the old and young screaming of the video game character who slays dragons and eats their souls. Or drinks them? A consumer of dragon souls is a thing that you tell children about so they have something to aspire too. And if it turns out they don't have what it takes, they can always play Skyrim. Not all parents are proud of their offspring.
With these comics about the game, any fan of the series should fully understand the logic fails that come up throughout. It's not really anyone's fault or anything, but it is our duty as nerds and gamers to point out the flaws of these million dollar industry juggernauts. Sorry, Bethesda, but you've taken our money for over a decade now, we have the right to make fun of your missteps and epic fails.
So when you're sitting unclothed in your house or apartment with chip crust and crumbs cascading down your disgusting body, just remember that you are part of a large culture of individuals who enjoys the same thing as you. Hurting NPCs and stealing from Thanes is an experience you deserve. So sit back and enjoy the hilarious Skyrim comics that prove the game makes no sense. And take a shower, for both of us.
25 A Betrayal Of Sorts
This happens all too often for this not to hit close to home to many of you. The best part about being betrayed is that you can always go back and load up from before you wasted all your lockpicks on the worst set of loot the game could offer. Most people suffice that the consuming of the vegetables that are anywhere from four hundred to one thousand years old is payback enough.
But the truth is the little guys aren't sentient and are simply there to tick you off.
The worst part is if you haven't had a save spot in a while and realize that you would lose more than just a bunch of lockpicks and have to decide what's worth what. Now, if you go ahead and lose a few hundred lockpicks that you've basically spent the entire game accumulating, then the choice is pretty simple. Lockpicks are sacred, they hold the key to my heart.
Comic by Ayej.
24 Armor Fit For A Loser
Thanks for the armor, dude. Now we have to go and sell it to your neighbor and disrespect your life. Why must the NPCs force us to break them? They play such a valuable role in all video games and sometimes they even are memorable in ways we hold near and dear to our tunics. But when you think of games like Shadow Of The Colossus and how there were basically no NPCs, you realize that they are expendable little minions.
There's no set path in Skyrim that you must take, therefore you can find yourself in situations where you've completed some quest with difficult enemies who've leveled alongside you and the gift you're given at the end is unneeded garbage. It might tick off a few gamers when they think back to the things they lost or had to get rid of during this journey.
23 Best I Can Do, Dovahkiin...
Some of the salesman or traders in these games are pure thieves. We don't know about you peeps, but there have been times where a button was accidentally pressed while dealing with a merchant in a menu and the wrong item was purchased. Like you're looking at a sword and buy it by mistake. Now you've lost a bunch of coins and when you realize the weapon is trash, you try to sell it back. But unfortunately, like cars in real life, as soon as you purchase them, they depreciate faster than food that has been digested and expelled from your rear end.
This is one of those scenarios where you either reload the game or eliminate everyone in the vicinity.
Make no mistake, it is their fault. This would never happen in real life. Then again, neither would anything that happens in Skyrim, so buck up.
Comic by Dynamaito.
22 Do Not Set Them On Fire
We're not saying that everyone who plays these games is bad with keyboard controls or which button to press on the gamepad. And we're certainly not saying that the gamers simply enjoy setting innocent people on fire. What we are saying is that mistakes happen and people get burnt. The true decision is to what comes after. There are a few questions one must ask themselves. Are you hungry for barbecue? Did this NPC have any future value in the game? And if yes to either of those, how willing are you to deal with these decisions you've made? It's not like NPCs have feelings. And if they actually do in some weird realm like the sequel to Tron, then you might as well just prepare for the day they fight back. With Fire.
Comic by King of Slackers.
21 We All Wear Some Sort Of Mask
People who create video games can't be spending all their valuable time implementing changes in character dialogue based on if they are wearing a mask. So when you go up to a guy in a game and they start talking about what your face looks like when you know full well that you're wearing a mask, you either dwell on the silliness or you power through it. Most of us don't care.
There's a certain amount of respect that needs to be given to video game creators and the hours they work.
Waking up every day and going to sleep every night thinking about ways to make the game that much better. You cut them some slack for the subtle mistakes they've made out of respect.
Comic by Reqgie.
20 Durability Has Its Perks
There are people who state that there are infinite universes and infinite dimensions where every single idea of existence is possible and actually occurring alongside our own. So if that's true, then in some worlds, Skyrim PCs are actually real people and not simply NPCs at all. So if that were the case then think about what they go through when living among the Dragonborn as they do. It'd be pretty insane and often traumatizing since they wouldn't actually know who the person was.
It's possible even that they've heard of the Dragonborn through legend and whatnot, but don't actually know who they're dealing with when they meet them. So they go and tell their friends they met the person with a bunch of arrows sticking from their chest and they, in fact, bought the arrows. They'd be pleasured to know that it was the Dragonborn they had met. Celebrity for a day.
19 To Be A Loot Mule
This is actually where characters in games with ridiculously large inventories and seemingly endless amounts of carrying weight keep their stuff. They place it in their body cavities so that they know it can be kept safe and warm. Also, not too many bandits or enemies would be willing to search in those areas or even think that someone would carry a bunch of swords and armor in there.
This is why it's a perfect spot for smuggling, something the Columbians figured out a long long time ago.
The problem is that it probably hurts a whole bunch when starting off and as time goes on and the pain is lessened by excessive storage, you lose apart of yourself and what you once were. Because there is no doctor that can bring your behind back to its former glory. You must soldier on.
Comic by UpUp-DownDown.
18 That's Not Appropriate
As wrong as this comic might seem, it has to be something that we've all thought about at some point in our lives when having heard the words 'booby traps.' We are not really sure where the expression came from and if it was before the description of a female's anatomy or after.
Chances are that they developed around the same time and no one really thought much of it.
Still, it's not one of the words that you can't say in an airport. Like bomb or hijack. But what if you were just saying hello to a friend whose name is Jack or you were referring to how delicious a meal was. Words are funny, and they can often get you in trouble if said in the wrong context. Either way, traps will always have this image in my head. So thank you to whoever made this connection and created this comic.
Comic by IAmArg.
17 Balancing The Dovahkiin
This ranks up there with Master Chief not being able to swim or survive a long fall. It simply just doesn't match up to the rest of the game and what the cutscenes show to us. But in these games, it doesn't make any sense how a character can survive all that they do and then a simple little fall destroys their life.
They should at least break a leg or something and have to crawl to the next town or be able to heal themselves in some way.
There should be some sort of magical spell or enchanting property that would allow for there to be no fall damage one you get to s certain level of health or armor. Simply put, we get too strong for anything to defeat us, why should gravity be any different.
16 Candles Powered By Stormlight
This is pretty ridiculous and happens all the time in video games. Things and power sources happen to just work all the time and never fail. However ridiculous it may be, this can be chalked up to some sort of magic that exists within the game. It's nothing to worry about or to get upset about because there is more to focus on in these games besides the logic fails. Except, of course, if you're writing an article about it.
But let's say that these candles were blessed or enchanted in some way that the wax won't melt fully for a few hundred years. That's not so farfetched when you think about it. This is, after all, a world filled with dragons and giants who herd mammoths across the great plains. Why shouldn't there be some eternal flames on candles in an abandoned mansion or cave?
15 Pump Up The Jam
It is always a surprising thing when you stumble into a cavern or cave or dungeon with all your new gear and powers and struggle to defeat some of the Draugr. This is why. Because they are lifting hard and getting them again while you play a human person on the upside of the world. They level with you so this comic is so much more true than anyone could give it credit for.
While you're out there questing and getting better at summoning friends or making armor, you level up inherently.
But when you level up so does the strength of the Draugr. They have nothing else, they're dead so there isn't much to do besides getting ready to fight you when their time comes.
Comic by The Escapist.
14 I Also Love Cheese
First off, cheese is delicious. I have a friend who was born and raised in China and over there they don't value cheese as much as we do in America. If you'll take notice, Chinese food never has cheese in it, unlike Italian or Mexican food in which cheese is a cornerstone. And it should be. Not to say anyone is doing anything wrong, but for those of us who enjoy smashing cheese into our mouths and rubbing it all over our faces, the Dragonborn is doing a good thing. When you're in the middle of a battle and you're out of potions or you simply just have too much cheese on you, there's no reason not to go hard on that moldy milk. We owe it to the cows and goats to eat the cheese.
Comic by Omny.
13 Waiting In Line Is Evil
The TSA are some of the most miserable human beings most of us have ever met in our entire lives. They've replaced the employees of the DMV as being the worst humans on Earth as far as people whose services are required for travel. So in a situation where you're able to tick them off without any recourse from them simply because you're doing what must be done is a wonderful thing.
Who knows, you may even humble them as to the realities of the world as lived by the Dragonborn.
But you'd have to think that no one would let someone like the Dragonborn onto a plane. Especially if they had all these weapons and crazy stuff with them. there's no way that someone who carries a couple swords and magic books should be allowed to fly.
Comic by Space Avalanche.
12 PC Is Better Than Console
If this doesn't quell the debate topic of which is the best way to game then we don't know what will. Mods and graphics alone are enough to make us want to game on the PC. In many ways, gaming on a PC is much more expensive than simply buying an Xbox or a PlayStation. But I personally have had my gaming PC for over six years and plan for it to stick with me for at least another four.
And with it not only come better graphics and a plethora of games to choose from, it's an all-around entertainment object. Not to mention Steam sales and the ability to customize and upgrade certain aspects of the build whenever you have a little bit of cash to put into it. Now with the amazing Steam controller and its awesome capabilities, there really is no argument for consoles anymore other than exclusive game titles.
11 Frodo Couldn't Fast Travel
There was a debate about The Lord Of The Rings and why the great Eagles didn't just come and pick Frodo up and bring him to Mt. Doom to drop the ring in. It's that the Eagles are an extremely powerful species and the closer a being of power gets to Sauron and Mordor the easier it is for them to become corrupted by that evil. thus it explains why Frodo and Bilbo, as Hobbits, were able to survive so long and fend off the power of the ring.
It was because Hobbits are so weak that there is very little power to pull from and to corrupt.
Makes plenty of sense to us. Still, we can't help but think that a bit of Fast Traveling could have helped Frodo out. If only to just zip back to The Shire for some R&R.
10 Become Tree Peoples
This is another scenario where we hope that NPCs don't have actual emotional feelings or pain receptors. Because this sort of glitchy nonsense occurs often enough for them to be fed up with their place in the world we frolic in. So for the sake of this article, let us say that these natives in the games do have lives and feelings that they enjoy when the main character of the game isn't around. Would the really have to wait for a new update patch for the game is implemented before they are freed from their debilitating glitch? What would happen if someone had to cut that tree down? What if they tried to cut the tree and stuff to get the guy out only to discover that he has become one with the tree never to be removed or separated. That's hilarious.
Comic by Direman.
9 Bow To The Dovahkiin
These companions that you get in the game can either be of great use and value or they can be the most annoying thing that has ever come into your gaming path.
Literally, they get in your way so often you debate whether or not there is any use to them whatsoever.
What's worse than that is if they are a great helper and they do good work and save your life that they end up perishing at a point where they can't be resurrected or have the game reloaded. So if you're one of those people who like to play the game without acknowledging the fact that you can reload and you want to live with your consequences, then maybe losing Lydia is a devastating circumstance.
Comic by Phuzzy Comics.
8 Believe In The Right To Arm Bears
This sort of thing happens all the time in games that are open world and encounters with enemies are entirely random. You as a player get super powerful and destroy enemies left and right to the point where you can wreck even some of the most powerful enemies. Only for some little twink nerd to come up and attack you right after as if they have a chance. Didn't these bears see the dragon we just fought or the army of soldiers we just looted? You would think that their instincts as animals and predators would kick in to in some way preserve their life, After all, there isn't a hospital or sanctuary for bears in this game. They have no legal recourse when injured. Stick to your berries and salmon, bro.
Comic by DontCritMe.
7 Come At Me, Bro
Sometimes you feel honored to see the characters in the game trying to defend their village from a dragon or a group of raiders. It's cute because we all know that they can't do enough consecutive damage to fell the enemies they face.
It's up to you the player to save them and show them how it's really done.
The annoying thing is when you're trying to accomplish something in a game and the person you're trying to do it with runs off to play hero. Then you have no choice because you can't stop them. you have to join the battle and end it as quickly as possible before what you were trying to accomplish becomes impossible to achieve forever because this NPC wanted to get his fight on.
6 Who Are We
In the beginning of the game, this sort of thing isn't really called into question and it probably should be. If not right away, it should be brought up by the Stormcloak guy later on. After all, he does talk to you and look at you before you choose your race or species in the game. So then if that is the case, what was he looking at when you're rolling around in the cart before the execution begins. Is it just a blank shadowy figure or a stick figure with a question mark in place of their face. It would be nice for the dude to acknowledge the fact that you're either a changeling or some sort of sludge monster that can change form at will. Of course, until you actually choose who you want to be in the game, then he can settle on what you are.
Comic by PsyGuy and Crikey Dave.
5 A Dream Of Supernova
This would be a fun spell in the game. To be able to blow up stars or call meteorites to the planet and smite your enemies in a ball of fire and rock. That would be some serious power to be able to call down the heavens above as your personal arsenal. It'd be fun to actually be able to destroy a planet like Goku or Frieza. Then you can get some cosmic metals and stuff that could be refined into powerful armor that could make you way stronger than any character ever.
Then with the mod where you can fly dragons and maybe even encounter space dragons that hatch from the moon like the Japanese believe in some of their folklore and legends. What a great idea.
Comic by Dorkly.
4 A Lockpick To Unlock The Secrets Of The Heart
There is an item later in the game that is a master lockpick that never breaks. the unfortunate part of that item is that by the time you get it you either have so many lockpicks or you have such strong armor and stuff that you don't even need to open any treasure chests.
It would be better if the lockpick mechanic was changed so that you get bombs instead and you're able to run the risk of destroying some of the stuff inside. Lockpicks would still be a major part of treasure hunting but it would also give us the option of other ways to get into these boxes. It'd be nice to have dynamite!
Comic by Champions and Heroes.
3 Assassin's Guild Initiation
Okay, so when this mission occurs in the game, I've never once been able to leave the shack or cabin without ending every single person inside. Both the assassins and the captives. I've played the game many times but for some reason whenever I reach this portion of the game I always screw up and go berserk all over their faces.
No one tells me what to do in video games. No one.
Especially not some idiot who stole me and knocked me out but didn't have the sense of taking away all of my weapons and power items. Like, for real dude, I'm the Dragonborn, why would you ever trust me with your fate? Is there any reason why these people have the skills they do? Or is it just for show?
Comic by Isriana.
2 The Dragonborn Priorities
In most video games there is a sort of ticking clock that goes along with the games golden path. The golden path meaning the actual storyline that the game begins and ends with. Not counting side quests and what not. But the only game that I can remember that actually stuck to that timecode was Majora's Mask. If you forgot to reset time or you went off on a side quest for too long, the game would end and you'd have to reload and who knows how much progress you would lose.
Still, it's up to the player to decide what to do in most games regardless of the actual mission you've set out on for the game to actually have to mean. Sometimes you just have to go hunt deer for six hours instead of actually saving the princess or whatever it is we decide to do in our own time. Escapism is what makes video games great.
Comic by Direman.
1 Classic Misdirection Of Dragons
If you haven't noticed or thought of this yet, this is exactly what happened to the river village when Bilbo Baggins was sneaking through Smaug's lair in The Hobbit. Bilbo and the dwarves were messing around looking for treasure and stuff in the cave or mine and Smaug got super salty and decided that he was going to send his fury towards the people who lived near him.
We understand that there are food and resources near a river and all. But why would anyone ever chill in a village that is literally the closest possible place to a giant fire dragon? It doesn't make much sense and they deserve what they got. But as for this village in Skyrim, oh well stuff happens.
Comic by Cosmic Bacon.