Everyone remembers toy commercials from the 90s – their bright colors, their catchy theme songs, their images of leaping kids and pure, blissful fun. We often get nostalgic for those days now that 90s kids are all grown up and have their own jobs and lives. We long to remember the days of tuning in to Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network, the days of the euphoric feeling of opening the next new toy.

But sometimes nostalgia also means looking at our fond memories through rose-colored glasses. If we look closely at some of our old 90s toys, it may turn out some of them weren't just innocent fun like we thought. Some toys were inappropriate because they hinted at jokes or adult themes that went sailing right over our young little heads, others weren't fit for kids because they were flat-out dangerous or toxic. Some of our favorite childhood toys even ended up being pulled from the toy store shelves after parents complained. Now that we think about it, a lot of the toys we so desperately wanted as kids would be considered troubling now, and looking back many of them probably wouldn't make it past censors or safety standards today.

What dark tales can we hear from the age of psychedelic colors, dial-up internet, political turmoil, and of course, grunge? Prepare to have your childhood ruined once and for all. Here are 28 inappropriate 90s kids toys that you definitely could not get made today.

28 Booger Jenga

Everyone loves gross-out humor sometimes. Maybe you were a fan of Ren and Stimpy back in the day, the show that pretty much put extreme humor on the map for cartoons. But even the most die-hard fans of the genre would have a hard time stomaching the concept of Gooey Louie, a board game for kids where–wait for it–the board is some guy named Louie's head.

You pull boogers out of his nose one by one until his brain pops out.

I have a lot of questions. Who thought this would be appealing? What was its target demographic? What demand was there for this? Booger jokes aside, there's a warning on the box for kids to keep their faces 12 inches away from Louie's head to avoid being struck by the spring-loaded brain, which tells you what kind of game it is.

27 They Sweat Awesome

These particular wrestling toys were truly bizarre all around. The WWF Maximum Sweat toyline apparently believed that kids wanted to play with Incredible Hulk versions of their favorite professional wrestlers, complete with grotesquely huge muscles, veiny necks, and monstrous facial expressions. While the proportions were bad enough, the worst part is that the name is meant to be taken literally: yes, these toys actually perspired.

Each toy came complete with a vial labeled "Official Federation Sweat." The kid would fill with water and pour into an opening on the wrestler's back. The "sweat" would be released by pushing a button. We're not sure what's worse: the fact that this is meant as a hook to reel kids in when it's really just a wrestling version of the dolls who wet themselves, or the fact that they were popular enough to have four sets of released.

26 Confirmed: Jar Jar Is A Sith Lord

If there's one franchise that knows merchandising, it's Star Wars. Before other toy-driven franchises like Transformers, He-Man, My Little Pony, G.I. Joe and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, George Lucas' science fiction masterpiece was the first to capitalize on toys. In fact, Star Wars toys have made twice as much as the movies, profiting to the tune of billions. But with the amount of merch the series has, it's no wonder some would emerge that are just plain wrong.

Enter the Jar Jar Binks lollipop candy released for Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace.

While the movie displeased fans, this sucker where you open Jar Jar's mouth and actually eat his candy tongue right out of his mouth is just horrific. How could anyone eat this and not imagine kissing the character? This shouldn't be allowed anywhere near adults, much less children.

25 Bulls Eye

No list of inappropriate or dangerous toys would be complete without these. They're pretty much synonymous with "kids' toys that were a really, really bad idea." Lawn Darts seem like a fun concept: you put the targets down on the grass in your backyard and throw the foot-long plastic darts with weighted metal tips at them, in a sort of combination of horseshoes and darts. Sounds like fun, right?

It turns out giving little children access to flying things with sharp points made of weighted metal wasn't the greatest idea. Within eight years, the toys sent over 6,100 people to the ER, with half of those being 10 years old or younger. One girl even lost her life, while another was sent into a coma. Lawn Darts are now banned for sale in the United States and Canada.

24 The Rocket

What really needs to be written about this one? You can probably figure out what's wrong just from the picture above, and it's hard to imagine the designers didn't snicker to themselves constantly during production. It's toys like this that make you wonder: was there no one brave enough to raise their hands during the design meeting? The idea is that the Marvel Comics vigilante's action figure can transform the lower half of his body into a rocket launcher.

Really? Couldn't it have been one of his arms or something?

Chances are any kids who are old enough to have a toy of The Punisher would be old enough to laugh at the design of this toy and the rocket's resemblance to another part of the body.

23 Ken Came In Another Box

Yes, they did actually make a pregnant Barbie doll in the 90s. And why not? Because when you think of Barbie, you think about how realistic the dolls' bodies are, right? The "Happy Family" playset came with a character named Midge, who was sold "pregnant" with a baby named Nikki. Surprise, surprise, the doll created controversy when it was seen as inappropriate for children and accused of promoting teen pregnancy (Midge was given a wedding ring and shown next to Alan in later versions).

The pictures of the plastic baby inserted into the doll are pure nightmare fuel. Why am I thinking of the Alien franchise right about now? Really, if Mattel thought this was a good idea at any point during the pitch, they should've stopped at the moment when they uttered the phrase, "magnetically detachable belly." Not the most like-like example for kids.

22 Every Good Cook Had To Start Somewhere

Ah, the good ole Easy-Bake Oven, one of Hasbro's oldest cash cows. Let me ask you this: have you ever met anyone who actually liked anything they baked in one of these things? If you have, let me know, because over 16 million were sold by 1997. Going along with those big numbers were also recalls when, shocker, children were taken to the hospital with severe burns.

It turns out giving kids a toy with an incandescent bulb as a heat source that could reach up to 350 degrees Fahrenheit wasn't the best idea.

Particularly when one model had a faulty door that could get their fingers trapped in it, even inflicting second and third-degree burns. Over 77 reports of burns lead to a recall of millions of them. Turns out baking is not so easy after all.

21 They're Squirmy, And Wormy

Confession time: I had one of these as a kid and filled my parents' house with little rubbery multi-colored scorpions. Imagine my surprise when one day I realized that the Creepy Crawlers oven was pretty much just the boy version of the Easy-Bake Oven, except that you couldn't eat the critters you made. In the 90s, Toymax sold more than five million ovens and 60 million bottles of the "Plastigoop" that turned into rubber when heated. There was even a TV show. So, what's the problem?

The thing is that Creepy Crawlers came with die-cast metal molds which were then heated to about 400 degrees. And if you think that's dangerous, check out the original one from the 60s that got much hotter and, as it turns out, put out toxic fumes. Makes you wonder how our parents survived the days before regulations. Creepy, indeed!

20 Movie Snack Time

Few toy lines have been as successful as the Cabbage Patch Dolls. The iconic 80s toys enjoyed continued success in the 90s and beyond. But there is perhaps no better example of a nightmare "bad idea" this side of Lawn Darts than the Snack Time Cabbage Patch Kid. The idea behind the doll, released for the 1996 holiday season, was simple.

The doll would eat snacks through its mechanical jaw, which provided "real chewing action."

Here's where they messed up: they forgot that the doll's unforgiving maw couldn't differentiate between plastic food and a child's fingers or hair. Mattel recalled the dolls in January of 1997 after a girl was nearly scalped when the doll began chewing her hair. Her parents called 911, and she had to be freed by rescue workers.

19 Secret Of The Ooze

Is it possible to have a more 90s name than the Oozinator Gun? Hasbro's addition to the extensive and popular Super Soaker family was unique, in that it shot a gooey liquid onto people instead of just plain water. It seems like a bright idea for ooze-and-slime-obsessed 90s. But it quickly gained fame for all the wrong reasons after the first eyebrow-raising advertisements were on TV.

If the pumping action you have to do every time you fire the Super Soakers wasn't bad enough, having a gun where you squirt "bio-ooze" onto unsuspecting children makes it ten thousand times worse, and the imagery in the commercial added to this uncomfortable perception. The Oozinator was so infamous that in 2006 it was the subject of a sketch on The Daily Show, where it was mocked as "the Devil's favorite plaything" for the holiday season.

18 To Infinity And Beyond!

Disney faces a lot of scrutiny in their products since they're marketed to children, and because this once-humble production company now owns about half the planet (they bought Star Wars, okay?). That's why people notice things like inappropriate images on the old cover for The Little Mermaid or say they see and hear secret messages in scenes in The Lion King and Aladdin.

Sometimes one doesn't have to look far to see stuff in Disney products.

Enter the Buzz Lightyear and Belle Funtime Tumblers. The unfortunate straw placement, which I remind you is meant to go in your kid's mouth, casts a shadow on both their facial expressions. Belle seems delighted by whatever you're doing, and Buzz's arm placement and cocked eyebrow are certainly disturbing. I can't imagine looking up at these as an adult, much less a kid.

17 The Candy That Explodes

The Fr-ooze pop is another manifestation of the 90s obsession with slime and ooze gone wrong. It's also another product for kids that's shaped like something you'd see in the window at a shop, shall we say, aimed at adults. But the similarities to a certain part of the human body don't stop with its shape. Get this: if you lick and suck on the Fr-ooze Pop for long enough, it squirts a gooey substance into your mouth from its tip.

What goes through the minds of people who design these toys? Is it that they're hopelessly naïve or are they laughing all the way to the bank, waiting to see what new ideas they can sneak past their bosses? If anyone working for these companies was too embarrassed to say anything in a workplace setting, the kids who bought them certainly weren't.

16 I Am Vengeance, I Am The Squirt Gun

This one is a double whammy, as the saying goes. Batman is certainly a beloved character these days, between the Nolan film trilogy, the Batfleck in the new DC Extended Universe, the Arkham series and the Telltale games, not to mention all the excellent fan-made content out there on YouTube.

But all that glorious media out there for us to enjoy doesn't make this water pistol any better.

The layout of the toy speaks for itself: you pull the plug out of Batman's rear and fill it with water, then you reach around and pull the poorly-placed trigger which causes him to squirt water out of his mouth. I wonder if they ever made any other Batman characters into undignified toys like this. Somehow it seems more fitting for the Joker than anybody else.

15 Buckets Of Fun

Every 90s kid saw this commercial about a million times. There was a similar toy with an elephant that spewed butterflies from its trunk. The concept of Mr. Bucket is simple but effective: you put balls into Mr. Bucket's bucket head, and balls spew out of his mouth. Rinse and repeat. This is one of the toys on this list where we can't blame the designers. Mr. Bucket's look is certainly tasteful and kid-appropriate. But what's not appropriate is his jingle.

Let me give you a sample: "I'm Mr. Bucket, toss your balls in my top/ I'm Mr Bucket, out my mouth they will pop." It continues, "I'm Mr Bucket, balls pop out of my mouth/ I'm Mr. Bucket, a ball is what I'm about." It's not difficult to read between the lines.

14 Not The Philosopher

Yes, the real name of this toy is the Balzac Balloon Ball. It was a sort of cloth sack in which you'd put an inflatable balloon. Then you'd kick the thing around like a ball. The idea was that it was pretty much indestructible. Milton Bradley really went all out with this one: the commercials in the 90s were filled with kids running and jumping and smacking this balloon ball around, with the cringe-inducing jingle:

"You can smack it, you can wack it, Balzac!"

It just all sounds so painful. That's not the worst of it either: when the kids finally catch the bouncing ball but it escapes nonetheless, a voice says, "Bet you can't bust Balzac!" Seriously, they really didn't care at this point.

13 Oh My, Mickey!

Mickey Mouse's Clubhouse can't even handle the imagery invoked by this toy microphone right now. At first glance, it resembles a dangerous weapon of some sort, like a club, but upon closer inspection, it resembles something you definitely do not want your kids getting their hands on. This sort of thing is inevitable with a media empire as vast as Disney's and with merchandise so extensive there's a demand for Mickey microphones.

Mickey Mouse has been around for 90 years now, and it goes without saying he's probably the most famous cartoon ever. That's the price of fame, we guess: sometimes you're on plush toys, figurines, watches, t-shirts, drinking glasses, shower curtains, and all that good stuff, and sometimes you hawk a microphone that looks really suspicious.

12 Gives A New Meaning To Parents Having Puppies

We're not sure what's with 90s toy companies wanting to familiarize children with the birthing process. One would think there were enough books and educational videos out there instead. But surprise, we get toys like Puppy Surprise, which apparently led an entire generation of kids to believe dogs gave birth to puppies through a Velcro-sealed pouch on their bellies.

Yes, toy company execs decided to make a toy that bravely defied the laws of nature.

They put the idea in kids' heads that you can simply shove a baby back into the womb when you're done with it, which probably led to some really awkward conversations. As if that wasn't enough, the "surprise" with each doll was that it could come with three, four, or five puppies inside. You can bet parents had a great time with the tantrums of kids who only got three.

11 Marvel At The Bad Taste

This one was so easily avoided. All they had to do was choose another spot to put the inflation nozzle, but no. Instead, Marvel decided you needed a real close-up look at Wolverine's areas while you're blowing up the inflatable squeaky hammer of everyone's favorite member of the X-Men.

This one has to be one of the most intentional of the bunch. Because there's no way the placement of the nozzle is an accident. The Wolverine with the nozzle isn't even the main one on the head of the inflatable hammer. I don't think this what people who are really into meditation mean when they say "find your center." Imagine if the hammer sprung a leak and you had to keep blowing air into it. Yeah, it's not a flattering image, is it?

10 The Care And Keeping Of Barbie

Barbie's "Growing Up Skipper" doll is truly the little toy that could. If you think the other toys on this list showing birth are a bit much, try on Skipper, Barbie's kid sister. She was originally released in 1964, and years after her introduction it was decided she should, shall we say, undergo some changes.

Namely, have a doll designed to teach kids about how their bodies would eventually change.

How did this very questionable idea work in practice? About as well as you'd expect: you rotated her left arm, she grew an inch taller and her chest popped out transforming her, as the box put it, "from a young girl to a teenager." It was probably meant as an educational tool, but Skipper understandably caused controversy and was eventually pulled from the store shelves.

9 A Slap On The Wrist

If you grew up in the late 80s or early 90s, you remember the commercial for these slap-on bracelets. Though they were just layered stainless steel bands with colorful plastic on them, the appeal of the simplest toys can't be overstated. You would straighten the bracelets so they were rigid, then slap them against your wrist, causing them to curl neatly into place.

Slap bracelets were very popular in schools, becoming a serious 90s fashion statement. Unfortunately, its status as a symbol of the decade didn't stop the slap bracelet from cutting into the fingers and wrists of children when the metal band inevitably wore through the plastic sheath. Cheap knock-offs were recalled in droves, and the bracelets were banned in schools in the state of New York.