So Borderlands is being made into a feature film, and it sounds freakin’ awful.
Borderlands is a now-classic looter-shooter franchise that is just about to get its fourth game. Even though the game is called Borderlands 3, people always forget about Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel and its many foibles.
Borderlands is also, apparently, being developed into a major motion picture by Lionsgate Films. And we just found out that the screenplay reads like a disaster in slow motion.
Before we even get into the horrors that await us in that screenplay, let’s go over the basic core elements of a Borderlands game. Somewhere out there in the universe is a fantastic alien vault filled with untold treasure and technology. You play as one of a number of different vault hunters trying to find the vault and grab all that loot for yourself. In opposition are massive intergalactic space corporations that want the incredible alien technology that is also in the vault. Conflict ensues.
Got it? Great. Now let’s go over the plot synopsis for the movie that was recently leaked to media website Full Circle:
"A legendary thief named Lilith will be the protagonist in a new story that will include instantly recognizable faces, like the fan-favorite Claptrap. The movie will find Lilith in the Atlas Corporation space prison when the CEO gives her the chance to earn her freedom by rescuing his daughter, the foul-mouthed Tiny Tina, on the planet Pandora. The mission takes an unexpected turn when it becomes clear that the little girl is the key to unlocking a valuable alien vault that Atlas wants all for itself."
Let’s go over where this completely falls apart for Borderlands fans. Lilith is a vault hunter, not a thief-come-daughter rescuer. Tiny Tina is an orphan due to Handsome Jack's (the villain from Borderlands 2) horrific eridium experiments and not the daughter of a CEO. And she is most certainly not the key to a vault.
In every Borderlands game ever made, Lilith is a Siren, one of 6 women bestowed with cosmic powers and with some unknown connection to these mystical vaults. We don’t have a lot on Lilith’s backstory before the events of Borderlands so passing her off as a former thief isn’t the worst move in the world, but this doesn’t sound like the plot of Borderlands. This sounds like the plot of basically every bad action movie ever made.
Apparently, there will be other vault hunters too, but who cares? With a story like this, it’s doubtful that anybody is going to watch it.