Every video game plays by its own logical rules, whether that means throwing back energy drinks to replenish your health or storing twelve guns, two machetes, and a baseball bat in your… pockets? Sure—let’s go with pockets.

Most of the time, we gamers accept that these mechanics are in place to improve our experience—we suspend our disbelief and accept the invisible wall at the edge of the map. We don’t question Fallout 4’s sole survivor when he pulls a three-foot-long rifle out of his… pocket. After all, what’s the alternative? Finding a fun, healthy hobby that encourages socialization and the development of practical skills? Pftt.

Call it a strength or call it a flaw, we gamers pride ourselves on our ability to blindly accept. We’re not pushovers—we just prefer to carry more guns. In other words, accepting video game logic means choosing your battles, even if they chip away at your immersion with every line of repeated arrow-in-the-knee anecdote.

But sometimes, when video games don’t follow their own logic, things can get kinda messy. And by messy, I mean spending-hours-scouring-conspiracy-theories-on-Reddit messy. I mean full-on thumbtacked, yarn-strung crime board messy. And one of the biggest logic-bending offenders? Everybody’s favorite cuddly enslavement simulators—the Pokémon games. Let’s dive headfirst into 15 crazy things that only make sense in Pokémon.

15 Spill, Bill

via: deviantart pichu92)

Ironically, the Pokémon games get something right that most games don’t—and that’s the way they handle inventory. Most in-game items are small enough, and the game makes it a point to provide its players a bag or backpack to store the many items they’ll stumble upon in their journeys. Even Poké Balls make sense within the games’ shared universe—they shrink down for convenient storage in a pack, a belt, or even your pocket (hence the franchise’s Japanese name, Pocket Monsters). It makes complete sense that you can only carry six at a time—you need the storage space. Plus, Pokémon Centers only heal six Pokémon at once.

All of that makes total sense. And, for the most part, it can be explained. So how in God’s name does Bill’s PC—a.k.a. the Pokémon storage system—work? Are Pokémon digitized and placed into a stasis? Probably not—this isn’t Digimon. The series has never suggested the existence of a digital world save for Bill’s PC servers. The games would go on to make Pokémon storage a more comfortable experience for the creatures in later games, even allowing them to scamper around Poké Pelago, a series of (digital?) islands, in Sun and Moon.

OK, great. But. Like. Is it a pocket dimension? Limbo? C’mon, Bill. Spill.

14 Bush-wacked

via: youtube.com (Robert Seymour)

As a Pokémon trainer, you have one mission: to become the very best—like no one ever was, even. And you won’t let anything get in your way. Not the pesky pilferers of Team Rocket, not your ruffian rival and his rowdy Pocket Monsters, not some dang-blasted trees—oh wait. Sorry. Trees will totally get in your way. Trees will mess you up. In fact, at least in the Pokémon games, stepping over, through, or past trees is just out of the question. Sorry, Charlie. Pack your things. You can go home now. Pokémon journey over.

I know, I know: it’s a gameplay mechanic meant to stall players who haven’t earned Cut—HM01—so that they can’t make progress without beating the gym leader and blah, blah, blah. Fine. I get it. But my Charmander can totally take that tree. I see you, tree. Come at me, bro.

13 The Metamorpho-surf

via: deviantart.com

When creating games for consoles with hardware limitations, technical restrictions can sometimes force developers to get a little “creative.” One iconic example is the all-encompassing fog in Silent Hill, which was implemented so that the demon-ridden, dreamscape town could load in the background without the player noticing. In the case of Pokémon, however, the “creative approach” the developers took to rendering the Surf animation in early games is… well, jarring.

For those unfortunate enough not to live through the golden age of portable gaming (the 90s—fight me), let me break it down for you: the move “Surf” could be taught to water-type Pokémon with HM03—but it could also be used as a mode of transportation. It also boasted the added Kafkaesque nightmare of metamorphosing your Pokémon into a blobfish—or a Lapris, depending on the generation. Before you start nerdily sticking up your finger and “um, actually-ing” about how the Nintendo Game Boy just “didn’t boast the power to render a unique surfing sprite for each Pokémon”—well DUH, I know. I’m just saying. Imagine living in that world and watching your beloved Wartortle leap into the water… only to resurface as a big bulbous derp.

The horror.

12 Surf-ace Tension

via: pokemon.wikia.com

And yeah, you know what? While we’re on the topic of Surf, I gotta get something off my chest. I get it—Pokémon learn moves through training. That’s why it’s called “training.” But just as fire-type Pokémon like Magmar can withstand extremely high temperatures, even living inside volcanoes—and just like grass types can, I don’t know, photosynthesize?—water types should know how to swim right off the bat. The fact that you need to teach them how to perform a basic skill that, for some, is probably necessary for survival, makes absolutely zero sense.

The notion that water-born, water-raised, water-inhabiting Pokémon need to be taught how to move through the water is made even more absurd by the fact that, while surfing on your suddenly-a-blobfish, you encounter swimming Pokémon. So they can swim…. until they can’t… until you teach them how to surf. What, do they suddenly succumb to amnesia once they’re sucked up into your Poké Ball? And what about flying types needing to be taught fly before they can… fly?

These games, man.

11 Poké Ball Protocol

via: bustle.com

Maybe a wild Pokémon needs to be willing to be caught before you can snag ‘em. Maybe your Poké Ball automatically scans for consciousness, scoping out a wild Pokémon’s vitals like a portable, tossable Apple Watch. The fact of the matter is there are a million possible explanations for why you can’t catch unconscious Pokémon after you knock them out in the wild.

So why isn’t there one? Like I said at the start: gamers are willing to pretty much accept any answer to a question that doesn’t have one. And, I mean, you can call your own unconscious Pokémon back into their Poké Balls. And the games make it clear enough that Pokémon don’t die in battle—well, most of the time.

To sum things up: You can’t kill Pokémon in the wild, you can return Pokémon to their Poké Balls, yet you can’t catch Pokémon when they’re unconscious—in their most vulnerable and, thereby, most catchable state. What gives, invisible council of Pokémon rule-makers?

10 Snake In The Grass

via: youtube.com Sound Effects)

The Pokémon franchise has always had trouble keeping their creatures’ sizes in check, with larger Pokémon appearing considerably smaller than their Pokédex entries imply. This can be mostly forgiven, as depicting the likes of a Pokémon such as Waillord—who, FYI, measures almost 500 feet long—would probably take something like 4 3DS screens. Or 12. I’m not a math person. The point is: Pokémon’s game developers get a pass for inconsistent data. What they don’t get a pass for is suggesting that the likes of Onyx and Exeggcutor can pop out of “tall grass.” You know—the “tall grass” that is visibly only slightly taller than your character.

Yes—Onyx, a 28-foot-long snake made of boulders and Alola Exeggcutor, a sentient, 35-foot-tall tree that looks like it choked on a certain blue pill, can both be found in “tall grass.” So either those Pokédex entries are way off, or everyone in the Pokémon universe is actually a giant (and Pokémon are just giant-er.) Why not, right? There are some wonky theories out there, man.

9 Professor Hoax

via: reddit.com TacticianMagician)

Professor Oak seems like a trustworthy-enough fellow. He provides you with your first Pokémon, he sets you on a quest to achieve greatness—he even encourages a healthy rivalry with his grandson, BUTTL0RD. You can trust him, he tells you. He’s dedicated his life to researching Pokémon, he says. You’ll be helping him catalogue all of the Pokémon across the region, he says, and he hands you a Pokédex—the most advanced Pokémon data collection device in the world.

It’s empty.

Why is it that we as human beings are so quick to accept authority? It’s almost as if, I don’t know, free will is an illusion and we’re constantly being manipulated by unseen forces to cooperate with institutions far beyond our comprehension—in fact, it’s like someone is controlling us from behind the scenes, pressing buttons and swiveling joysticks and... Oh, erm—sorry. This is about Pokémon. Yeah. Well, Professor Oak is a con man. He’s no “Pokémon expert.” And you should feel bad for trusting him.

8 I Have No Mouth, And I Must Eat

via: chrisslavanimation.tumblr.com

Lifehack: Need to save money on your food-shopping bill? Easy! Kick your roommate to the curb, ram a couple’a screws and magnets onto a googley-eyed sentient floating orb, and—voila! You’ve got yourself a Magnemite—loyal to the end and literally brimming with energy. Plus, he doesn’t have a mouth—that means cutting down on your grocery bill by half! Well, as long as you don’t live in the Poké-verse, that is.

Yes, Magnemite can eat. No, I don’t get it either. This gastronomical head-scratcher was never exactly a logic-shattering issue until later games in the franchise introduced the ability to directly feed your li'l monsters. And while no one is denying that he is effing adorable—look at him go!—he still doesn’t make any sense. But don’t tell him that. Seriously. Shame on you if you tell him that, you monster.

7 Your Bike Is Not A Wallet

via: geekmelee.com

Remember when I said that thing about how Pokémon does inventory right? I was lying. Pokémon doesn’t do inventory right. Trying to find logic in Pokémon’s inventory is like booking a mime for a debate: it doesn’t make sense and thinking about it for too long is a waste of time and brain cells. I know, I’m flip-flopping on my original argument, but hear me out: nobody can carry a bike that far, that long, across that many types of terrain. And nobody—and this is just plain physics—nobody can fit one in a backpack. Who do you think you are, Pokémon? David Blane? Criss Angel? A necromancer who can open blood portals to a death dimension for safe Huffy storage? Gimme a break. Refer to the title, man.

6 Oh My Arceus

via: destructoid.com

Imagine you threw a magic portable prison into the sky and caught a god. And then that god became your best friend and did your bidding, and you skipped through fields of sunflowers, laughing and having a grand old time. Well, you don’t have to imagine that ridiculous idea, because you can totally do it in Pokémon. Honestly, some of the lucky players who earned an Arceus might not even know that they are controlling an actual, literal, canonically-proven gosh-dang deity.

Just to keep this “factual,” here’s his Omega Ruby Pokédex entry: “According to the legends of Sinnoh, this Pokémon emerged from an egg and shaped all there is in this world.” So yeah. You, a ten-year-old trainer, caught a god. Where does the extent of your powers cease? How far will you go to be the very best? My god, man—you’re messing with nature...

...and the mere fact that you can makes no sense whatsoever.

5 Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door

via: zerochan blackroseknight)

The Pokémon franchise can get seriously dark. From ghost Pokémon that wear the death mask of their previous human face to cute living balloons that drag children into the underworld, the creators of this series of (otherwise) cuddly battling companions aren’t afraid to dip their paintbrushes into the creepy things that keep the kiddies up at night. But wherever there’s a balance of the lighthearted and the bleak, there’s always a line—and Pokémon, for better or for worse, never quite crosses it.

I’ll get straight to the point: Pokémon—and their trainers—can, and do, die. It happens in the manga, it happens in the games’ lore, it happens in the anime. Just like in real life, death just happens. Fortunately for younger players of the games, it doesn’t happen in battle. No matter how bad a beating your battered Bidoof or bruised Butterfree takes, one quick trip to the Pokémon Center is all it takes to get your best friend back on their feet and in fighting shape.

Sure, inexplicable immortality is by no means logical. But it’s the one example that’s just kind of OK. A little bit of escapism never hurt nobody.

4 Ledges. Just… Ledges.

via: funnyjunk.com

Just... ledges. I’m not even doing a pun. Ledges are the scourge of the Pokémon universe. Ledges are the guy with the leather jacket who hangs out in the alley that your mother warned you about—except ledges don’t have a motorcycle, and ledges don’t buy you alcohol. Ledges are the final boss of Pokémon logical fails. You want to give MissingNo. a nightmare? Talk to him about ledges.

In case I haven’t gotten my point across, ledges = rage. Obviously, they’re there to keep you from reaching certain areas too early. Sometimes, they force you to walk through tall grass. Sometimes, they hit on your girlfriend and spit in your drink. Pokémon ledges are such a monstrous force of aggravation that they have their own Bulbapedia page. Its main feature? Ways to get the heck over ledges.

I don’t want to talk about ledges anymore. I’m done. Let’s move on.

3 Balls Out

via: gamezebo.com

The Poké Ball is a momentous achievement in portable technology. Think about it: they’re basically mass produced, size-changing capsules that can hold living entities for indefinite periods of time. These physics-defying spheres even boast luxurious amenities, if Pokémon Sun and Moon producer Junichi Masuda’s word can be trusted (which, I mean, it can).

While players are more familiar with the modern incarnation—the iconic red and white orb—a number of movies and episodes of the long-running anime have revealed that the origin of Poké Balls dates back to ancient times. Poké Ball-like devices from long-past eras held ancient Pokémon like Lucario, and similar spheres may have even held the spirits of humans—like the King of Pokélantis.

A Poké Ball. So, like, we’re using this thing… for prisoners, right? To hold prisoners?

No. And the doofus who suggested we use it to catch cute animals instead probably got a promotion.

2 Alaka-zamn It

pokemonfanon.wikia.com

According to official, objectively true, totally canonical sources, Alakazam has an IQ of 5,000. That’s… a lot of i’s and a whole lot of q’s. So he can bend spoons with his mind—and, you know, he can outperform supercomputers. Sure, maybe he has a photographic memory of every event since his birth... but can he learn more than four moves at a time?

Well, he does have a photographic memory of everything ever, right? That includes moves that he may have known before, right? And he can bend spoons, right? Which means he can probably bend other things—like enemy’s ankles, right? That counts as a move, right? And he can outperfo—OK, so before I keep going, no. He can only learn four moves. That’s it. Like every other Pokémon ever, pentagram-head-having, Pokémustache-competition-winning Alakazam can beat your silverware, but he can’t beat the arbitrary rules of his own unforgiving universe.

Guess one more attack takes an IQ of 5,001, bruh.

1 Gotta Rationalize ‘Em All

via: pinterest

What about how Exeggcute are eggs that lay eggs from which Exeggcute hatch? What about the fact that one of the most iconic and sought-after items in the Pokémon universe is dirty grass candy? What about the fact that Poké-verse society not only endorses, but encourages the act of sending unsupervised ten-year-olds out into the world to play with monsters that literally harness the elements, nightmares, senses beyond human comprehension, darkness from beyond time, and aggressively-wielded onion sprigs?

Pokémon plays like a nightmare dreamt up by a tortured child who’s never left his bedroom. Or maybe it’s just a video game. Or maybe we and our favorite Pocket Monsters live in the dream of a sleeping god who will wake up one morning and forget the musings that came to him in his slumber.

Probably not. But maybe.