I’ve been given a lot of grief for choosing to romance Ryan in Life is Strange: True Colors, a relatively plain himbo with a heart of gold and a love for the outdoors. He’s sweet, sincere, and according to our own Stacey Henley - ‘Just Some Man.’ Now, I honestly can’t disagree with that observation, but I don’t regret my choice in a virtual smooching partner either. He’s a lovely character, developed throughout the campaign alongside Alex and Steph as the throuple grow into fast friends across the idyllic town of Haven Springs.
I suppose if I’m being brutally honest and a little bit artificial, he was just the character I was most attracted to both physically and emotionally during my time with the game. Although some of his actions, partially influenced by own decisions, convinced me that he wasn't the loyal partner I expected him to be. In these moments, that I won’t spoil, Steph is the one who stepped up to defend me, standing by my side through thick and thin while Ryan decided to walk away and trust those he had a deeper relationship with. Still, he came crawling back and I smooched him again anyway - goodness me I’m such a simp.
Putting aside my final thoughts on Ryan and his budding romance with Alex, this is one of the first times a game has made me feel valued as a trans woman pursuing a straight relationship, albeit one that is situated within the virtual realm. Normally I pursue lesbian relationships in both reality and video games, largely because so many of my transgender friends identify as such and seldom mention the idea of being physically or emotionally intimate with someone of the opposite sex. I feel like some sort of rare queer Pokemon, a shiny trans woman, and that perspective doesn’t make my personal experiences any less valid. I’m still a pansexual disaster, and thus my attraction towards men both real and imaginary shouldn’t feel discounted because I happen to fall outside of conventions in my echochamber.
There’s also the fact that gender dysphoria can often lead trans people to paint an irrational picture of themselves in their minds, a constant inner voice that tells them they’ll never be enough, or reach the societal expectations of being a man, woman, or anything you weren’t traditionally born to be. It’s something I still struggle with, and romantic relationships in reality are some of the only times where I’ve felt valid in my own existence, like I can become the girl I so desperately want to be in my mind. True Colors provided that security through a relationship with Ryan, and perhaps this is why I decided to pursue it so confidently despite fun comments from friends and colleagues about jumping aboard the straight train.
Alex Chen being defined as bisexual in True Colors as opposed to playersexual is a breath of fresh air, because my attraction to all genders is reflected in her romantic outlook. Throughout the game she makes vocal remarks about being attracted to both Ryan and Steph, providing them with compliments or lining her inner monologue with playful comments about being thirsty over them or deciding who she wants to pursue a relationship with. The ultimate choice is still up to you, and you can even end the game without smooching anyone, Alex is still a bisexual young woman finding her place in the world like I’m a transgender woman trying to come to terms with my own identity and not hate myself all the time.
My bad, that got a little real - but games like this painting bisexuality as such a normal thing is so valuable, especially when it allows those who might be coming to comprehend their own queerness a way to experiment in a way that is both safe and welcoming. I still fear I shouldn’t pursue a straight relationship in my own life because it feels like an indirect form of betrayal, like I’ll attract queer stigma from other LGBTQ+ people for not ticking all of the correct boxes. But I’m still me, and True Colors helped me realise that.