Ever since the first trailer for Eidos-Montreal’s Guardians of the Galaxy dropped, I’ve been unable to shake the idea that Peter Quill looks exactly like Manchester United and England left-back Luke Shaw. This isn't deliberate - we asked the game's senior creative director Jean-François Dugas what he thought of the comparison and he told us he didn't follow football and would have to Google 'Luke Shaw' - but even after playing the game through to completion, I can't get away from the idea. Quill is far more likeable and rounded here than he is in the MCU, where he's yet another walking pile of quips, but all the way through it felt like I was playing as a cosmic Luke Shaw with an American accent.
Having previously compared every England Euro 2020 squad member to a Pokemon (Shaw was Crobat, owing to his need for man-management), I decided to have a go at comparing various other Premier League players to superheroes too. Why? Dunno mate. Fun, I guess. Not my fault you clicked it.
Donny van der Beek - Sue Storm
Anyone seen him lately? Word is, before van der Beek went missing he was a decent footballer. If found, please return to Old Trafford. Thanks.
Kyle Walker - The Flash
I suppose you were expecting a more mercurial, marauding winger to be given the role of The Flash. Rafina, maybe, or Wilf Zaha. Someone like Dan James, perhaps, or Adam Traore. Well, that last one's a good point actually but I needed him for something else. In the Euro 2020 comparison, I gave Walker Regieleki, and even at the time admitted it was weird he was the squad's only Legendary. But with his blistering recovery rate and the rarity of a wingback who's quicker running back to cover than storming forward, there was no other option.
Mike Williamson - Iron Man
What's that? Me making a niche reference to the former Newcastle United defender's slightly ironic Iron Mike nickname for the sole purpose of making myself laugh? Nah, you're mistaken. Obviously Mike Williamson, a player no one else remembers, is the perfect choice for Marvel's most iconic modern day hero.
Adam Traore - The Incredible Hulk
See, told you I needed him later. I could have gone for Hulk here, but a) I said Premier League, and b) give me a little credit. As well as being lightning fast, Adama Traore is also ripped enough to shove even the strongest defenders off the ball. If only he didn't shoot like he was wearing flip-flops, he might be a decent player.
Harry Kane and Heung-min Son - Batman and Robin
Has there been a better strike partnership in recent memory? For a while, it was clear that Kane was the Batman to Son's Robin, but with Son stepping in several times to cover for Kane's injuries or poor form, who exactly is the leading man these days?
Ryan Fraser - Ant-Man
Because he's the shortest player. Geddit? Let's not mess about.
Christian Pulisic - Captain America
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Again, straightforward. Who else was I going to pick, Zack Steffen?
Dejan Lovren - Shuri
I know on the face of it, this seems like a weird comparison. The white Croatian liability compared to the Black African supergenius? Have a read up on what they think about vaccines and get back to me.
Ole Gunnar Solskjaer - Rogue
Back to Old Trafford again. Rogue's quote-unquote superpower is to drain another hero of their abilities, and just look how effective OGS has been on draining every inch of talent out of Jadon Sancho. In fact, just look at how little he can do with the billion dollar talents of Sancho, Varane, Pogba, Fernandes, Ronaldo, Sue Storm, and Star-Lord. That's some real magic.