Magic: The Gathering is well-known for its serious, in-depth plots and lore pieces. For the most part, it’s a game with sets and blocks that take themselves seriously... until they don’t. Enter the Un-Sets, a series of themed sets that regularly release to give players some extra laughs. Unfinity is the latest comedic entry, set in the middle of an intergalactic amusement park, The Astrotorium, with poor management and poorer maintenance.
How do the laughs measure up? Will you cry tears of pure amusement onto your valuable cardboard rectangles? Probably not, but the funniest cards with flavor text in Unfinity will at least make you say, “hm, that’s pretty funny.”
9 Hat Trick
“Behold the power of my hat and the ghosts of two other hats I used to own!”
This mono-white instant card is simple. It’s elegant. Crisp, even. Much like the craftsmanship behind a very fancy and very magical hat wielded by a very well-dressed and talented magician. Hat Trick’s bonus increases if your target blocking or blocked creature has a hat, and if you’re wearing a hat yourself, then it maxes out with a triple strike. Every day is a good day to wear a bunch of hats.
8 Robo-Pinata
“I AM FILLED WITH DELICIOUS CANDY. I AM NOT A TRICK.”
You know, considering what the rest of the attractions at this park are like, you can probably trust what the pinata says. And if you can’t, you’ll have a hard time filing an incident report if you’re dead.
It’s a win-win situation for everyone, really. This fun-loving artifact creature provides either two tickets, or a shiny sticker to add to a nonland permanent. Everyone likes winning stickers. It keeps the guest reviews above a two-star.
7 Blufferfish
“Lying to a fish is such an unthinkable act, most planets don’t even have a law against it.”
This high-cost blue creature brings a little reality into the game. An opponent gives you a statement that’s either true or false, and Blufferfish gets a nasty unblockable boost if you guess the truth correctly. Blufferfish is also a good reminder that your friends are all willing to lie to you if it means they might be able to win a card game from the 90s.
6 How Is This a Par Three?!
“Against the infinite backdrop of space, isn’t all golf miniature?”
Sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s all fun. Everyone knows golf is infinitely better with cool blacklights and mechanical windmills. This enchantment can get devastating, milling your target opponent every time you cast a spell for the number of words in that spell’s name. If there’s one thing Un-sets are good at, it’s making cards with way too many words in the title and then giving them bonuses that destroy everything.
5 Devil K. Nevil
“Danger is my middle name. Also, I don’t know how to spell.”
Not-so-subtly modeled after famous daredevil Evel Knievel, the bike-jump-on-fire-guy for the uninitiated, Devil K. Nevil is all octane and no rationality. Pulling a stunt jump with this Legendary Creature card when it enters the battlefield gives you a +1/+1 counter for every creature you managed to clear. There aren’t any bonus points for yelling Nicolas Cage quotes from Ghost Rider while you’re doing it, but no one will stop you, either.
4 The Space Family Goblinson
“The goblin word for ‘vacation’ translates roughly to ‘a battered landscape of noise and violence.’”
And isn’t that what a good, healthy family vacation is all about? No? Suit yourself, then. The Space Family Goblinson has trample, as anyone who’s ever tried to bring their kids on vacation can describe as ‘completely accurate.’
If you roll a die, The Space Family Goblinson gets a +1/+1 counter but loses the trample if three or more dice are rolled in a turn. Gambling is a soothing activity here.
3 Strength-Testing Hammer
“I don’t know you, but that hammer rings a bell.”
The low-effort puns always come out the cleanest and most effective. The one-liner has been bringing humans to tears since jokes were first invented. Depending on your feelings about wordplay, this is either one of the best or one of the most painful flavor text jokes in all Unfinity. This artifact’s dice-roll bonus only happens during an attack but gives you a bonus card draw if you beef up a creature enough. Ding.
2 Bumper Cars (Variant B)
“Vehicular mischief’s appeal is universal.”
Truly a comedic statement worthy of praise for its bold confession of the truth. Sentient beings just love crashing things into other things and risking bodily harm and injury to do it. There’s nothing like explaining that your knee sounds funny because of toy cars that go bonk. This artifact allows you to play chicken with your opponents, forcing a creature to block when they may have otherwise just taken your damage to save their cards. Beep beep, it’s bonking time.
1 Clown Extruder (Variant D)
“CONGRATULATIONS. IT IS A CLOWN.”
The Clown Extruder extrudes clowns from its clown extrusion nozzle. No really, it makes Clown Robot tokens. They’re probably perfectly safe and won’t do anything super weird and dangerous in the park. This artifact has more than a few variants, all complete with their own equally hilarious flavor text, but it’s blunt simplicity that wins the round. A visit to the Astrotoruim is always concluded with joy, clowns, and non-disclosure agreements. Now get back to work; those emergency exits aren’t going to un-clog themselves.