Can we just be honest and admit the Rabbids are insufferable? I hate to sound like a bitter old man who doesn’t understand these new fangled cartoons, but I’ve never liked those little twerps. I loved every second I played of the original Mario + Rabbids, but even then I only found these bucktooth bastards barely tolerable. I feel a bit like Tommy Lee Jones talking to Jim Carrey on the set of Batman Returns: I hate them. I really don’t like them and I cannot sanction their buffoonery.
Putting the Rabbids together with the Mario cast really highlights how low on the mascot tier list they rank. It’s kind of like going to see The Beatles and them inviting Nickelback on stage to play Come Together with them. Would it be better if it was just The Beatles? Ya, obviously. But you’re not going to leave while The Beatles are on stage. The Rabbids are like a more obnoxious version of Nickelback.
I didn’t just come here to dunk on Ubisoft's regrettable attempt to ape the Minions, I actually do have a point [Editor’s Note: Eric is an uncultured swine unaware Rabbids predate the Minions by four years. Please hold it against him personally and not TheGamer]. The Mario + Rabbids Sparks of Hope livestream from earlier this week revealed the sequel will star a brand new character, neither friend of Mario nor Rabbid imposter. She’s a goth girl-Rabbid named Edge and I sure do wish she wasn’t.
Everyone who played Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle finished World 2, unlocked Princess Peach, and immediately tried to swap to a full Mario team, only to discover the game forces you to keep at least one Rabbid on your team at all times. Ubisoft knew we’d dump the dorks the first chance we got but refused to let us do it. Stockholm syndrome never took effect on me, despite Ubi’s best efforts, and I came out of it hating the Rabbids more than ever.
Mario + Rabbids 2 is doubling down with Edge, a brand new character who breaks the pattern of pairing Mario characters with Rabbid impersonators. So not only is Edge not a beloved Mario character, she’s also not Rabbid Bowser, a character I wouldn’t mind seeing.
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I can’t help but think of all the great Mario characters Edge could be instead. We’ve got eight characters featured in the key art for Sparks of Hope - the same number of characters in the first Mario + Rabbids - which would indicate that Yoshi has been cut. We also don’t see Donkey Kong, who joined in the first game’s expansion. There’s no Wario, Waluigi, Birdo, Diddy Kong, Toad, Daisy, Bowser Jr., King Boo, or any of the Koopalings. Even Rabbid Yoshi and Rabbid Luigi are gone, characters I’ve at least learned to accept on the roster. Instead of all of those great options, we have Edge, a goth girlfriend with an anime sword.
I wish Ubisoft would stop trying to make Rabbids a thing, but I guess they’re already a thing whether I like it or not. There’s been at least one Rabbids game every year since the original Rayman Raving Rabbids, which combined have sold over 20 million copies. Ubisoft has been trying to get a Rabbids movie made for years, and teaming them up with Mario has almost certainly increased their cultural value. It’s the only Rabbid game I’ve played, and it was popular enough to get the Rabbids into Smash Bros. Ultimate as Spirits and a Mii Costume. I understand why Ubisoft would be keen to introduce a new Rabbid character and squeeze as much potential out of the Mario association as possible, but I cannot put into words how little I care about Edge the Rabbid. If we try to make this a meme like Morbius I will become the Joker, don’t test me.