Spider-Man, Spider-Man... does whatever a spider can. Sometimes he makes sense, other times not. Fans pull their hair out, all the time. LOOK OUT! Here comes the Spider-Man! Alright, I hope you enjoyed that little ditty, because things are just going to get worse from here on out.

Comic book fans have been trained to accept some ridiculous facts in order to enjoy these awesome tales of men and women gaining superpowers in order to save the universe. Spider-Man has had several versions of his character from the comics to the movies, video games, cartoons, live-action television, and other forms of media, but one thing that is commonly shared across all these alternate versions is a complete willingness by the creators to ignore reality.

Sometimes these things are obvious; these are things that don't make sense simply because they aren't possible by modern science. Maybe in a few decades some of Spider-Man's powers will be possible in the real world, but for now, it's science fiction. Other things aren't as obvious. Whether it be actions that are out of character or Peter makes decisions that are non-nonsensical to any average person in the real world. As easy as it would be to blame a fictional character for these problems, we know the real issue is that real people write Spider-Man, which creates all this goofy stuff. So without further ado, here are 20 things about Spider-Man that make no sense.

20 His Career Choice Is Perplexing

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When your father figure loses his life because of your direct inaction and your mother figure has a really hard time paying the bills, you may find yourself scrounging for money. As a result, you're going to think up of any way you can to help her out. Thus, Peter thinks of the brilliant idea to take pictures of himself as Spider-Man and sell them to the newspaper editor in chief who is obsessed with our wall-crawler. A perfect short-term solution, but the problem comes when Peter sticks around at the job for way too long.

In the original comics, Peter Parker begins selling photos of himself as Spider-Man when he's approximately 15 years old. Of course, at that young age his boss J. Jonah Jameson is going to have him as a freelancer, and not a staff role. But as Peter grows into his mid-20s, he still remains at the same old job and endures the same stuff from his terrible boss. Only very later on does he actually decide to sell his photos in a published book and briefly join another newspaper before going back to Jameson in short order. If Peter actually put an effort into improving his photography skills or landed a long-term staff job somewhere, his career choice would be fine. But really, he wasted his time for years before becoming a high school teacher and then a legit scientist. Took ya long enough, Petey.

19 He Keeps Losing His Powers

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At the time when it came out in 2004, Spider-Man 2 was considered by most people's accounts to be the greatest comic book movie of all time. While other superhero movies have come out since then to knock it off its pedestal, it still holds a soft spot in many people's hearts as a hallmark of the genre. One of the main plot points of the film, however, has bugged me even to this day. Unfortunately, it's not just in this movie where it's a problem.

Since when are superpowers related to your self-confidence?

So in Spider-Man 2, Peter has to deal with his superhero career turning his personal life to crap and even his costumed alter ego takes a hit when he loses his superpowers. The reason? Well, we don't really get a clear one, but it's hinted that it has to do with his confidence. How does that work? Well, in the comics he's lost his powers a number of times. Sometimes they just fizzle out of nowhere. One time was because he had a cold and another was because he had the flu. Now, I can see him losing some of his strength because of those things, but completely losing them? That's weak.

18 What Even Is His Webbing?

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Spider-Man's amazing webbing is far and away the greatest scientific achievement that Peter Parker ever created. Aside from the Sam Raimi movies where he can generate his webs organically, every version of the wall-crawler has seen him create this substance that is sticky, elastic, hard, fire resistant and anything else you can imagine. The fact that he did all of this when he was just a lower-middle-class fifteen-year-old with limited resources while the most advanced scientists in the Marvel Universe are still baffled by how he does it.

There's a reason why his webbing has never been explained; because it can't.

As we can see in the picture above and in several cartoons, video games, and comics, Spidey can use his webs in a ridiculous amount of ways. Using them to swing on is one thing, but he's using them to create giant hammers, parachutes, shields, giant balls, and a bunch of other crazy concoctions. The only time when we got some real insight into how he came with the webs was when told Reed Richards during an issue of Fantastic Four that he came up with the formula by reading one of Richards' science papers and expanding on a concept. WHAT IS HIS WEB FLUID MADE OF?!

17 Alien Symbiote = Emo Spider-Man?

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So, Spider-Man 3... let's talk about it. While the movie is maligned for many reasons, its lasting legacy is definitely the image of Peter Parker looking like an emo kid. While it's seen as hilarious nowadays, it was enough to sour people back on the franchise back in the day and was one of the reasons why people look back on the movie with such a poor attitude. Probably because it doesn't make a bit of sense.

I get the feeling that people wouldn't have emo Peter Parker any other way, though.

In other Spider-Man stories, from comics to cartoons, the alien symbiote plays on Peter's emotions and turns him into a violent, vengeance-fueled psychopath. While this movie does show that a little bit, it's also played for laughs. While under the symbiote's power, he flirts with women any time he can (even though he was going to propose to Mary Jane earlier in the movie), dances like a goofball, and is kinda passive-aggressive to people. The scenes where Peter is actually legitimately evil clash so heavily with him acting like a fool, weaken the movie, and don't make sense to this day. Maybe the MCU can pull this off properly, although, given their propensity for comedy, they might make the same mistake as well.

16 Where Is His Daughter?

via marvel.wikia.com

It may seem crazy for younger fans who only know Spider-Man as the goofy teen from the Andrew Garfield and the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but the truth is that Peter Parker in the comics hasn't been a teenager for a long time. He's been in his early 20s since the 1970s and at one point in the 1990s was even set to become a father. But that, of course, went awry and gave birth to something that makes no sense.

At the conclusion of the 1990s infamous Clone Saga (I could probably write an entire list about that disaster), Mary Jane gives birth to her and Peter's daughter. Unfortunately for them, it appears the child is stillborn, but in reality one of the nurses is EVIL and steals the baby away by the order of Norman Osborn. Truly this is one of the darkest and most personal deeds ever done by a comic book supervillain and you would think that Marvel would tell us what happened to the child. But to this day, we have yet to get an answer. At the very least, we have an entire alternate universe where the baby was recovered by Spidey and May "Mayday" Parker grew up to become the Amazing Spider-Girl.

15 His Incredibly Outdated Origin

via thescienceof.org

Sometimes, you can go back to the very beginning and discover something about a character that makes you laugh and/or shake your head. This is definitely the case with Peter Parker, as the story of how he got his spider powers is hilarious.

Genetically modified spider bites make a little more sense than radiated spider bites.

In the 1950s and 1960s, nuclear war was a giant worry on the minds of Americans. With this paranoia over possible nuclear annihilation because of Russia, superhero comics saw an opportunity to use radiation as a one-all miracle to give their characters superpowers. Spider-Man joined the list of Marvel superheroes in the 1960s such as the Fantastic Four and The Incredible Hulk who received their superpowers from radiation, Spidey of course getting it from a radioactive spider bite. Writers who came after Stan Lee realized this sounded stupid and tried to update it. Every film version of the character has gotten his powers from a genetically altered spider which I suppose is a little more plausible. Even in the comics themselves, writers J. Michael Straczynski and Dan Slott have tried to tie Peter's powers more into a more magically based origin. It's weird, and most fans just prefer them sticking with the radioactive spider, as odd as it is.

14 That Time He Went After His Wife

via superiorspidertalk.com

Ohh boy, here we are, right into the thick of the 1990s Spider-Man Clone Saga. So you know we are in deep. This might not be the most out and out terrible story of this era, but it definitely one of the most uncomfortable. What, you don't believe me? Look at that cover! That scowling mass of muscles is supposed to be Peter Parker who is standing over his wife Mary Jane. Amazingly, according to former people working at Marvel at the time, the original cover was going to worse with Peter clenching his hand in a fist.

Shockingly enough, there's another storyline in this saga where he actually does hit her.

Oh, wait, you probably want to know why this story makes no sense, right? Well, in short, Peter Parker at this point was supposedly a clone of the "original" (at this point thought to be Ben Reilly) and his creator The Jackal implanted an unwilling urge to destroy the person he loves most. So he spends two issues hunting down his wife as she calls other heroes, to help only to stop short of doing the deed when he has her cornered. Of course, at the end of the Clone Saga it was revealed that this guy was the original man, so it just makes it completely impossible for the Jackal to pull this off.

13 Swings A Web... From Thin Air?

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While Batman's Arkham series has stolen the torch from Spider-Man by being the greatest superhero in video games, for years it was the wall-crawler who reigned supreme in the world of gaming. As others stumbled, Spidey soared through the air with classics including Spider-Man on the PlayStation, Nintendo 64, Dreamcast, and PC. However, a main feature of the game and a Spider-Man staple made no sense in that title: the web-slinging.

All Spider-Man games before this one existed on a 2D plane, thus it made the swinging mechanics simple to understand and execute. But this game was the first to be in 3D and as a result, it presented a challenge to the developers on how Spidey should swing through the air. Ultimately, they decided on making the web swinging more of a jump extender than an actual web swing. That isn't the part that makes no sense though. No that would be the fact that in the game his web line doesn't seem to attach to... anything. It always goes straight up into the clouds during the outdoor levels. Now, unless Spidey is playing with some cheat codes that the player doesn't know about, this doesn't make a lick of sense. No, for true web-swinging action, gamers would have to wait for 2004's Spider-Man 2. At least the wait was worth it.

12 His Costume Has Remained The Same

via time.com

Spider-Man, if you couldn't tell by the fact that he was able to create his web shooters when he was just a mere middle-class teen in Queens, New York, is kind of a scientific whiz kid. Not only that, but he is also a pretty good sewer since he created his costume in secret without the help of Aunt May or anyone else. The weird thing is that over the years, Peter did not make that many upgrades to his costume.

It was only in recent years that Peter upgraded his suit to add tons of gadgets.

Now, I know what you're thinking; "he's a poor guy, so he can't really afford to add any upgrades to his suit. Plus, his classic costume is so iconic, so why would you even want it changed, you idiot?" Alright, you got me on that second point, but in the comics, he is close friends with the Fantastic Four. You know, the group with Reed Richards as their leader, the smartest man on Earth with tons of money from his various patents? Peter could have collaborated with Richards on improving his web shooters or developing technology to help him fight crime but nope, he'd rather slum it on his own. Smooth.

11 He Shouldn't Be Able To Climb On Walls

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Spider-Man's set of super powers isn't totally unique. He has the usual gamut of superhuman strength, speed, stamina, and agility along with a minor healing factor. Where he breaks from the pack is with his ability to stick to any surface. That is an awesome power that has served very well over his decades-long run as a character in fiction, but certain versions of Spidey make that ability make zero sense in context.

How hilarious would it be if Spidey jumped into a wall but couldn't stick?

Way back in The Amazing Spider-Man Annual #1 in 1963, it's explained that in the comics that the footwear that Spidey wears when he fights crime are thin enough to fold and fit in his pocket. So with that, you can realistically think that the material is thin enough that his sticking ability still works. However, in the films it's clear that he is wearing some thick shoes or boots on his feet. This especially doesn't work in the Raimi movies, because it shows that he can stick to walls because of tiny hairs in his hands and feet. In the comics, it is because of an electrostatic force, but the films have never shown that to be the case.

10 Peter Is A Really Weird Negotiator

One More Day... three words that will cause any Spider-Man fan to go into a Hulk-like state and want to yell at Joe Quesada and anyone else responsible for its existence. By the end of the four-issue storyline, Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson's marriage to one another was erased from existence via a verbal contract with the devil in order to save the life of Aunt May. But it isn't just the end result that is incredibly stupid, the high point of nonsensical stupidity comes in Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #24.

At this point of the storyline, Peter has failed to get Tony Stark to help his aunt, but Stark's butler Edward Jarvis does pay out of his pocket to get Peter's aunt the best care. Getting desperate, Spidey goes to see Dr. Strange to save his Aunt May which should be ridiculously easy for the Sorcerer Supreme to do... but he can't do it. Why? Never explained. Not only that, but scientific geniuses like Mr. Fantastic, Dr. Doom, and Beast of the X-Men claim that they can't help him heal a bullet wound. IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE. It is never said why they can't help Peter as the two-page spread above is the only info we get on the matter. And newcomers wonder why Spider-Man fans hate this story with a passion to this day.

9 His Clone Returned In The Strangest Way

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After nearly two decades of trying to forget about the 1990s Clone Saga, Marvel and Amazing Spider-Man writer Dan Slott felt that enough time had passed that they could create a follow up of sorts to that story. To do that, of course, they would have to revive the man who almost became Spider-Man for good: Peter Parker. Well, okay, technically he changed his name to Ben Reilly, but you get what I mean. Some comic book characters are better off not being brought back.

So despite dissolving into... clone powder, I guess? His creator Dr. Miles Warren was able to bring him back to life and then destroy him again and again in order to solve the clone degeneration flaw. He ended Reilly again and again until Reilly broke out of his containment. He then took it upon himself to bring back from the afterlife everybody who Peter Parker lost in his life, and would eliminate anybody who stood in his way. Keep in mind that Reilly is supposed to be a clone of Peter, so what this story is saying is that given enough trauma, Peter Parker would turn into a supervillain that would resurrect people only to make them subordinates to his will. I, and many other Spidey fans, don't buy it; probably because it makes no sense.

8 Why Does He Save Aunt May?

via: comicvine.gamespot.com

Losing a loved one is never something that is easy to swallow. Despite an objective point of view where you know that nobody lives forever, it always hits you right in the soul whenever it happens. The fact that Peter Parker was set to lose who is essentially his mother because of a decision to unveil his secret identity to the world is exactly the kind of a thing that would set him off. But the storyline One More Day from 2007 takes this way too far. Wanna know what's worse? Aunt May's spirit tells Peter to let her go. And Peter does this anyway.

After being hit by someone who was trying to aim for Peter, Aunt May goes down and is only alive in the hospital because of life support. Peter refuses to accept that his aunt may perish and winds up making a deal with Mephisto (basically Marvel's version of the devil) to save his aunt's life in return for his marriage to Mary Jane being erased from history. So just to reiterate; Peter (and Mary Jane, for that matter) decide to save the life of a senior citizen by ruining their chances at lifelong happiness.

7 He Is Routinely Outclassed By Lesser Foes

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Spider-Man isn't close to being one of the most powerful characters in the Marvel Universe. He's not a weakling by any means, and his spider-sense really helps him out against more powerful foes, but he isn't going to be challenging Thor or the Silver Surfer anytime soon. Having said that, he's firmly middle-tier in Marvel. So this makes the fact that he struggles against plenty of lesser powered villains quite ridiculous and embarrassing for him. The excuse is always that Spidey is holding back, but come on, now.

Take the above panel, for example. While he is firmly considered as a villain primarily for Daredevil, Kingpin originally began his existence in the Marvel Universe as a nemesis to the Amazing Spider-Man. Now, keep in mind that Spider-Man by this point in his career had taken on foes like the Green Goblin, Doctor Octopus, The Lizard, and The Rhino. He's seen it all, from mad scientists to monsters to brute force meatheads. Despite that, his fights against the Kingpin continually show Peter getting outmuscled, out-witted, and beaten down. It wasn't until the Back In Black storyline in 2007 that we finally saw what would happen to a human opponent versus Spider-Man. Here's a spoiler; Kingpin ends up a broken man.

6 What Happened To Uncle Ben?

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The MCU's take on Spider-Man is now the third time we've seen an actor take on the role of Peter Parker on the big screen in less than two decades. Thus, it's understandable that the folks at Disney didn't want retread old ground and do yet another origin story in their first outing. At the same time, though, it kind of leaves a giant hole in this version of Spider-Man in terms of his motivation. That would be because we don't know what happened to the man who gave Spidey his moral compass and values system; "Uncle" Ben Parker. We don't need to see Uncle Ben down again, but can we see him at all?

In the three films that Tom Holland's Spider-Man has been in the MCU, we haven't gotten any indication or reference that an Uncle Ben even exists in this world. Oh, sure, we can kind of piece it together if you read deeply into that first scene of him and Iron Man in Captain America: Civil War, but it's far from concrete. As far as we know, Aunt May was married to some guy named Hogan and he was a jerk. So that leaves the question of what the heck happened to Peter's uncle? At best, we assume that the backstory is the same as the comics. At worst, Peter's motivation doesn't make sense and the MCU Spidey is a weaker character as a result.

5 Spider Sense Not Tingling

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If there was one power from Spider-Man's arsenal that I could steal, it would definitely be his trademark spider sense. Not only is this power very unique in the pantheon of superheroes, but it is also extremely useful. Who wouldn't want to be warned about threats before they happen and be given some extra time to react to them? Well, for a while, it seemed like spider sense wouldn't be in the cards for Tom Holland's Spider-Man. How weird is it that a core power of Spidey was so taboo?

In the first scene between Tony Stark and Peter Parker, Parker mentions that he feels like all of his senses have been dialed up to eleven. That's the reason he wears those goofy looking goggles, as they help him focus. Aside from that, though, there was no real way of telling in Civil War or Spider-Man: Homecoming that he had the spider sense. Around Homecoming's release, Kevin Feige gave sort of an explanation saying that while he has it, they'd show it in a different way? Well, until Avengers: Infinity War showed definitively that he had it, fans were left fumbling in the dark as to whether there was any proof. After all, there were quite a few times in his fights against the Vulture that I'm sure Peter could have used it.

4 Who Got Uncle Ben Again?

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Comic book fans are used to by now being oftentimes shafted by that dreaded word: retcon. For those who don't know, a retcon is short for "retroactive continuity." Basically, it means that something which was previously established in the history of a fictional world is washed away as new information is unveiled. In terms of the Sam Raimi Spider-Man universe, the biggest example of this was in Spider-Man 3 when it was unveiled that the carjacker in the first film wasn't actually the one who ended Uncle Ben's life. The person responsible was actually the man who would become the Sandman, Flint Marko. This retcon feels completely out of nowhere and is unnecessary.

Yes, according to the police investigation into the loss of Ben Parker, the bullet came from a gun held in the hands of Marko. So near the midpoint of the movie, symbiote Spidey seemingly defeats Sandman for good and gets what he thinks is closure for the loss of his uncle. But HOLD, because Sandman comes back later on for the final fight and reveal to Peter that yes he did end Ben Parker... but only because his partner accidentally caused him to fire. Peter forgives him and he just floats away never to be seen again. WHY WAS THIS HERE? Who asked for this? Nobody, because Spider-Man 3 is an overgrown mess of subplots.

3 Spider-Man: World's Worst Detective

J. Michael Straczynski's run on The Amazing Spider-Man from 2001 to 2007 is definitely one of the most controversial runs on the character. While JMS knocked it out of the park when it came to the characterization of Peter Parker and much of his supporting cast, and introduced some much-needed changes to his world, when he failed... he failed hard. Since I attribute One More Day more to Marvel as a whole than JMS, let's say that the most controversial story he ever created was the infamous Sins Past. You know, the story where it's revealed that Gwen Stacy had twins with Norman Osborn and his Goblin DNA caused the children to physically age much faster than normal? That one. The first time Peter and Gwen embrace, he should know something is up.

So why is the title of this slide what it is? Well, that's because the storyline only makes sense if Peter Parker is the dumbest man on Earth. For you see, reader, pregnancies take about nine months from start to finish. So what the storyline is telling us is that Gwen Stacy not only was with Osborn willingly but that she was walking around with them in her tummy for months and Peter didn't notice anything wrong? This storyline was simply to shock people and while it did so, it did it in the worst way.

2 This Guy Is A-Ok For Spider-Man

via marvel.wikia.com/knowyourmeme.com

If you were to ask any random person on the street if they could trust the devil, you would be comfortable that their answer would be a definite "hell no". I mean, after all, he is the devil. His whole modus operandi is that he makes deals with people that everything is going to be okay only to mess them over later. Despite this obvious thing that everybody knows, Spider-Man decides that he can totally trust the devil and it would be a-ok.

In the 2007 storyline One More Day, Aunt May is hit by a guy who was aiming for Peter in a motel. Why were they in a motel? Because Peter was on the run from the law after revealing his secret identity in Civil War and then turning on the government. While she isn't gone yet, she is clinging in a hospital. After exhausting all other options, Mephisto appears to him and offers to save his aunt's life in exchange for his marriage to Mary Jane being erased from history. And after giving it thought... HE GOES THROUGH WITH IT! Peter Parker; a man who has been to space, has teamed up with Ghost Rider, and has seen things most mortals will never see, thinks that Mephisto can be trusted.

1 That Crane Scene

Spider-Man's relationship with the city of New York is a very confusing one for even longtime fans of the character. Usually, the way it goes is that Spidey is just as loved as he is hated by citizens because some view him as a hero but some as a menace because of J. Jonah Jameson's editorials. But amazingly in a lot of his films, we see the citizens of New York band together and help their hero. But that trope goes way too far in the first Amazing Spider-Man movie in 2012.

At this point of the film, Peter is shot in the leg by a police officer as he is trying to escape arrest, so he's having a hard time swinging around. However, a construction worker whose son was saved by Spider-Man earlier instructs his crane operating friends to line up their cranes to help Spidey swing to his destination. Alright, here's the three punch combo why it makes no sense:

The cranes weren't needed at all because there were plenty of buildings for him to swing from.

After webbing up his wound, Peter shows that he can move just fine, albeit with a bit of pain.

At this point, the police captain called off the manhunt and there was a helicopter flying above Spidey. Why couldn't they just fly him up to where he was going?

A triple decker dumb sandwich for ya.