It's safe to say that Marvel has become a pop culture juggernaut like no other. After decades of cranking out critically and commercially successful comic books featuring some of the most popular superheroes on Earth, Marvel turned it's vision to the big screen. First came Iron Man. Then came Thor and The Cap. And then finally The Avengers showed up. The box office stood no chance against the combined onslaught of Earth's Mightiest Heroes.

Neither did the wallets and purses of the parents of young Marvel fans. After all, what's the point of owning the rights to colorful imaginary characters if you can't use their likeness to create endless toy variations with each successive film release?

Marvel is fully aware of the longing that arises in the hearts of superhero fans when they see their favorite heroes on lunchboxes, video game covers, and board games. Over the years, we've gotten every kind of toy imaginable with the mask of a Marvel hero slapped on its side. And still, we want more.

But more does not always mean better. Just like not every Marvel movie is a critical slam dunk, so also many of the Marvel toys leave much to be desired. In fact, many of the toys released by Marvel leave you wondering what the toy manufacturers were smoking when they came up with such weird concepts. Don't believe us? Check out these 30 toys from the Marvel goody bag that have struggled to connect with right-minded children over the years:

25 Wolverine's Pet Dinosaur

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In the 1990's, Toy Biz was busy churning out one hit X-Men toy after another. After pushing out X-Men figurines in multiple costumes, settings and sporting a variety of in-universe props, the company was running out of ideas on what part of the mutant franchise to turn into a toy next.

They hit upon The Savage Lands for inspiration, a hidden location in Antarctica in the comics where dinosaurs still roam. Toy Biz's version of the Savage land consisted of selling X-Men characters now randomly paired up with dinosaurs that are somehow the same size as them.

24 The Big Blob

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There are those who denounce action figures as providing unrealistic body expectations for children, who will grow up to expect rock hard abs and bulging biceps with an impossibly thin waist to be the ideal form.

Although to be clear, he's big because that's his superpower, not because he's trying to present a realistic body imag. Also, what is going on with his chestal region? Why do we count two separate chests piled on top of one another?

23 Low-Effort Invisible Woman

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You have to admire the low amounts of effort put into this action figure, which paradoxically makes it the best possible representation of the Fantastic Four's Invisible Woman. No need to spend any money on special coloring for the figure when her superpower is to turn completely transparent.

And the cool thing is, you can now encourage your child to dream up all kinds of new invisible accessories for the Invisible Woman! She can have an invisible spaceship! An invisible Rocketship! An entire invisible continent! You never to spend a dime on actual accessories for the conveniently Invisible Woman.

22 Low-Effort Human Torch

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The Human Torch gets the low-effort toy outing, but for opposite reasons from his sister the Invisible Girl. The Human Torch can be seen here riding on a motorcycle while in his flaming superhero avatar. Now, we know that Johnny Storm, the civilian identity of the Torch, has a thing for motorbike stuntology.

But The Torch can fly.

Why would he ever need a bike? In fact, wouldn't moving through traffic on his bike while being on fire actually be a major hazard for anyone on the road unfortunate enough to be too close to him? Or is he just too lazy to fly on his own?

21 Monster Armor Wolverine

monster armor wolverine
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Who is this dude? He's Monster Armor Wolverine! What does he do? He doesn't have to do anything. He's Monster Armor Wolverine! Is this part of an X-Men storyline? Yes, and the manufacturing company Toy Biz came up with it themselves. Mister Sinister has captured a bunch of the X-Men and mutated them into monsters. That's the whole story.

What, you want a four-part story saga to go with the toy?

What's strange is the characters get monster armor that you can place on their bodies to transform them into monsters. Take away the monster mask, and it's really just Wolverine being slightly hairier than usual.

20  Spider-Man And The Fantastic Four Board Game

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From the makers of such popular board games as Battleship, Connect Four, Twister and Candyland comes a groundbreaking new game featuring everyone's favorite wall-crawler and The Fantastic Four. This is what comic book fans had to make do with before video game adaptations of their favorite superheroes became a thing.

The game itself is not exactly bad. It just doesn't have much to do with the actual characters. Despite a colorful gallery of villains both Spidey and The Four can choose from, most of the bad guys that need to be defeated in the game are generic goons like Shotgun, Slugger, Lion Face, and Cat Burglar.

19 Spider-Man Adventure Hero Line

adventure hero spiderman
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Proving that fans would love Spiderman doing literally anything, Hasbro came up with Spiderman Adventure Hero line. The concept behind the action figure is that it would allow Spider-Man to try out new activities outside his comfort zone.

And what are these activities too extreme for regular Spider-Man?

Stuff like Bungee-Jumping, and playing soccer, baseball, etc. Those things aren't outside Spidey's comfort zone. He just doesn't have time to do them since he's, you know, saving the city from destruction during most of his spare time.

18 Space Riders Beast

space rider beast
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Beast from the X-Men may look like a hulking monster, but he's actually one of the smartest heroes from Marvel. In fact, he's so smart and distinguished that he was played by Kelsey Grammer once upon a time. So when Beast says he's going to ride through space with his space rider armor, we believe him.

But take a closer look at that armor. Those are just shoulder pads and knee pads. That's not a space-faring costume. That's the bare minimum required for a football match. And sure, he comes with an oxygen mask, but even that won't help him survive space without a proper suit.

17 Creepy Aunt May

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Before Marisa Tomei took on the role of Peter's Aunt May and became the object of fantasies for a generation of young Marvel fans, Aunt May used to be the epitome of the motherly old lady. The manufacturers behind this particular piece wondered how to translate that motherliness into an action figure.

The design they came up with looks like a serial attacker who're wearing May's face as a mask to ambush an unsuspecting Peter Parker. Just look at that face. Those eyes. They show no emotion. Because the guy wearing that face feels no emotion except a cold hatred for all living things. Poor Aunt May.

16 Professor X Just Sits There

professor x
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There's something about the Professor X toy that seems to mock the entire concept of an 'Action Figure.' After all, the whole point of having action figures to play with is you imagine them moving around and fighting your other action figures, from the Transformers to He-Man, in epic grudge matches that shake the very foundations of your bedroom.

But with the Professor X action figure, all you can do is let it sit there on the ground while you pretend the prof. is using his mind powers to destroy his enemies. Or just looking on approvingly while his fellow X-Men action figures take on the other toys.

15 No One Wants Toad

toad
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There are usually two things that determine the popularity of an action figure. How popular the original character is, and how cool the action figure design looks. Toad has neither factors going for him. He's always one of the most forgettable parts of any X-Men battle, and as far design goes, well... just look at that toy.

It looks more like the Hunchback of Notre Dame than an X-Men character. And what's with the actual toad in his hand? Does Toad the Mutant eat toads the animals? Does he communicate with the toad and somehow use it in battle?

14 Morph Has Detachable Heads

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Morph is an X-Men character with the ability to shapeshift into other characters. So he's basically Mystique without the brand recognition that comes with being played by Jennifer Lawrence. What this Morph action figure does have are three detachable extra heads that can be replaced with his own.

Two of the extra heads are of Wolverine and Cyclops.

But the last one is just Morph looking mad about something. So the toy makers started out intending to give him the ability to become other X-Men, gave up after two, and then just added a slight variation of his own face for the third head?

13 Bonebreaker Is An Ammo-Fueled Professor X

bonebreaker
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Another one of the X-Men's more obscure characters is the creepy Bonebreaker. His superpower is having a frickin' tank for a lower body! If your power is to be able to use a tank to blast your enemies into oblivion, then you should call yourself the Human Exploder, not Bonebreaker.

Puzzling name aside, Bonebreaker's lower half is detachable, which means every kid who owned the toy at some point removed the upper body to play with the tank portion alone. At which point Bonebreaker basically became a sadder version of Professor X with a sick afro.

12 Wolfsbane Is One Hairy Lady

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Wolfsbane is yet another X-Men character whose powers and personality don't do justice to her cool name. As to what's wrong with the toy, we can talk about the strange expression on the doll's face, as though she was in the middle of putting on a very violent shade of red lipstick before suddenly becoming hypnotized.

But what's even more curious is the hair that is apparently growing out of her ears. That... doesn't look right, does it? It's not just us? There's just so much of it. How is she ever able to hear anything with that jungle growing out of her ears?

11 Why Don't You Blow Banshee?

banshee
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Banshee is the X-Man made famous by X-Men: First Class. His thing is being able to produce a scream that can be used to lift him off the ground or be used as a concussive force against enemies. The toy represents that superpower by leaving a hole in his chest that you can blow into to produce a shrill whistle.

Not only is that a pretty lame approximation of his powers, but it leaves a distractingly large hole in his chest that looks like it's missing a piece of the toy. But that hole can only be filled by your puckered lips.

10 Happy Punisher Makes Us Sad

punisher
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It would be pretty difficult to mess up an action figure for The Punisher. He has the cool costume, the badass backstory, and the multitude of cool weapons to complete the toy. Yet, a toy company managed to mess up such a simple character's action figure design:

They have him smiling.

Look at that simper playing across the lips of the master assassin. Now compare it to the drawing of the actual punisher right there on the box the toy comes in. Now try to tell us they're the same person. Guns alone do not a legendary anti-hero make.

9 Madame Web Will Sneak Attack No One

madame web
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The Madame Web action figure comes with jumping spider-trapping action. Or so it says on the box. What you actually get is a sticky web thing with mini-spiders. Even more baffling is the sneak attack that the box claims the action figure can execute.

After all, the Madame Web of the comics is a blind, mute woman who sits in her chair and communicates telepathically with Spider-Man. It's hard to believe she can cross the road on her own, let alone carry out a sneak attack on a superhero. And seriously, who would want to fight a blind old lady, even in imaginary action-figure battles?

8 Never Bring A Baby To A Gunfight

cable and hope
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This is Cable. He is an edgy and violent anti-hero. The baby strapped to his chest is a girl called Hope. She is neither edgy or violent nor an anti-hero. In the comics, the thought of keeping Hope safe provides some character motivation for Cable to blow up enemies.

But this is not the comics.

This is an action figure of a heavily armed and possibly roided out guy with a baby strapped to his chest. Which means everytime you use the Cable action figure in an imaginary fight against other toys, you're basically sending a baby into battle on your behalf.

7 Ahab Keeps Falling Down

ahab
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You don't expect much from action figures. They should look cool, and they should be able to stand in one place while you arrange your toys in your favorite formations for playing or just for showing them off.

Ahab fails on both counts. He was a very minor villain in the X-Men comics, and now he's a very minor action figure wearing lavender pants and with a peg leg which means he cannot stand on his own. You need to prop him up against some kind of a support, and then... you know... maybe just leave him there permanently.

6 Spidey Can And Will Knife A Punk

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One of the most enduring qualities of Spider-Man has always been his innate decency and restraint. He never takes a life. His aim in every tense situation is to try to defuse the tension with jokes, and he is forever looking to make friends of his enemies.

But with this addition to his toy line, Spider-Man is now a knife-wielding lunatic. Never mind the fact that Spidey is so powerful that he has beaten Wolverine with his bare hands plenty of times.