Max Payne is one of the darkest gaming trilogies around. The main character gets about three minutes of peace before his family is slain in the first game. But despite the series' oppressive tone, the internet still managed to make light of Max's situation in the form of memes, the ten funniest of which are shown below.
Some of these may seem in poor taste considering the detective's tragic tale, but the web was never known for its sensitivity. At least Max is only a video game character who only seems so genuine due to James McCaffrey's masterful performance in the title role.
10 Counter-Productive
Max sure seems like he wants to die throughout all three games, yet he spends all of his time wiping the floor with virtually anyone who points a firearm at him. Maybe he feels like he can rest once he solves the particular game's problem. The premier entry deals with getting justice for his late family, and the second game leads him down a criminal conspiracy, while the third game tasks him with protecting another family. We're not complaining, though. Fans don't want him to bite it, and would much rather see him star in a sequel.
9 Might As Well Put Some Butter On It
Aside from the risk of dependency, Max should know that gunshot wounds don't simply go away by taking a pill. Even the mildest of bullet holes in one's body require serious medical attention. Additionally, the pills don't take effect immediately like they do in gameplay. Anybody who used one for a headache knows it still takes some time before the pain disappears.
8 Nightmares
If one's life is a mess, they at least have sleep as a respite. Unfortunately, Max has no such luxury. The dream sequences in the first two games are hellish nightmares, haunting both the main character and the player. They aren't mild, either, and often remind the hero of his real-life tragedies.
Fortunately, Max Payne 3 doesn't feature any dreams, though maybe he still has them off-camera. Maybe he should see a therapist or a dream specialist about this problem, but it is not likely he could afford one on his officer's salary, especially when he blows most of his income on booze.
7 Fastest Arms In The Northeast
Shoot dodges look incredible, but impractical in real life. Fortunately, Max does them in slow motion. This brings up another question, however: how can his arms move so fast? Not only is he pulling the trigger at lightning speeds, but the player can aim normally, meaning his arms and body are whipping around like a centrifuge. We won't think too hard about it, though, considering its utility in gameplay.
6 Who Has It Worse?
Tragedy is not an Olympic sport. If it was, judges would have to think long and hard about who has it worse in the above picture. Sure, losing one's family and getting stuck in a foreign country with a drinking problem years later is terrible, but anyone who has accidentally stepped on a pile of Lego wouldn't wish it upon their worst enemy. One is a pain of the heart and mind, while the other is a pain of the feet, so it depends on which part of the body one wishes to sacrifice.
5 Just Like The Rent
New Yorkers are familiar with the man in the above image. Jimmy McMillan ran for the office of Mayor in the Big Apple several times under the Rent Is Too Damn High Party. Rent isn't the only issue his meme counterpart is concerned about, however; he also wants everyone's favorite hard-boiled detective to take it easy with the medication. Too much of it is bad for the body.
4 The Original Max Payne 3
It is no secret that Remedy was inspired by film-noir and Hong Kong action cinema for the first two games. Rockstar Games is also noted for wearing their influences on their sleeve, something they continued when they took over the series for the third entry. Max Payne 3's narrative and style takes many cues from Tony Scott's film, Man on Fire. Like Max, John Creasy is an alcoholic bodyguard who goes on a rampage after someone he was sworn to protect is kidnapped.
3 Sigh
It wouldn't be a Max Payne list without an homage to the character's creative narration. Did the detective take a creative writing class in high school? If we were going through a similar situation, the last thing on our minds would be quippy one-liners. He hasn't given them up in the years since his tragic nights in New York City, since Max Payne 3 brings them back in full force.
2 Unrealistic
Anti-gaming advocates set their sights on games like Grand Theft Auto, decrying them as murder simulators. But at least they don't have the main character taking painkillers for every little injury.
We hope no one too impressionable plays Max Payne, and thinks painkillers are the solution to every problem. Max's life is such a mess, most people would avoid doing anything he does for fear of ending up the same. Sure, he can outshoot everybody he comes across, but he is clearly miserable.
1 Not A Good Talent Scout
This kid just cannot catch a break. Every decision he makes seems to backfire, and none will bite him so hard as hiring Max Payne as a bodyguard. It is ultimately his responsibility, though. He probably should have looked more closely at the former detective's resume. At the same time, we're sure Max was not too keen on sharing information about the time he let the family he was protecting fall into criminals' hands. Anyone who played Max Payne 3 knows it was not entirely his fault, but the excessive drinking certainly did not help.