The Max Payne series tells one of the darkest stories in gaming. In the first game of the trilogy, his family is brutally slain in a seemingly senseless act of violence. The sequel sees him fall in love, ending up in a whirlwind of betrayal and ultimately losing said lover.
Finally, the third game has the protagonist battling alcoholism while in a foreign country wound up in a criminal conspiracy. Despite how dark it is, some bits of the hero's internal monolog cannot help but make people chuckle. Some are so funny, they make you forget for just a moment how depressing Max's life has been since the first game.
10 "Her Fashion Sense Didn't Leave A Whole Lot Of Room For Imagination, Let Alone Food" (Max Payne 3)
Max says this upon finding a piece of clothing belonging to Fabiana in Chapter 2. The woman enjoys the party lifestyle and often dresses the part. Given the quips about Max's weight throughout the game, it is no wonder he would think the same thing about someone else, only commenting on a woman's extremely tight clothing. Max should have spent less time joking about Fabiana and more time protecting her.
9 "He Was Trying To Buy More Sand For His Hour Glass. I Wasn't Selling Any" (Max Payne)
Every action movie and shooter protagonist knows they have to come up with some witty line when killing an important villain. Max does not even give his Punchinello the satisfaction of hearing what is, since this quote is a part of his internal monolog. At least Max is kind enough to spice up his story for players. Most other heroes would be too consumed with vengeance to think of cool things to say.
8 "I'm A Self Righteous Pain In The (Butt), But I'm Not Above Embezzling Office Supplies" (Max Payne 3)
Every game needs an item that heals the protagonist. In Max Payne 3 you collect painkillers to recover health. While scrounging for some in Chapter 6, Max utters this quote while pilfering some from the office in which the chapter takes place.
Considering the area is under attack by a paramilitary force, the Brancos probably will not even notice a few missing pill bottles among the wreckage. Also, please do not abuse painkillers the way Max does.
7 "At Least When We Got Shot, Some Kind Soul Would Take A Video And Put It On The Internet" (Max Payne 3)
By the end of the game, several groups are after Max's head. By his logic, the safest place to be would be a public place in broad daylight. In this case, the location is a bus stop. He makes no illusions, however, since he reasons the criminals behind the organ trafficking conspiracy would make no qualms about executing him in public. He was right, too, since chaos eventually breaks loose shortly after arriving at the bus station.
6 "Niagra, As In You Cry A Lot?" (Max Payne)
Part of the first game sees the protagonist tied to a chair at the mercy of a baseball bat-wielding criminal. The guy calls himself Niagra, to which Max retorts with this quip. Get it, like the Niagra Falls. It is always a good idea to anger the person who is about to torture you; at least Max thinks so. Eventually, Max gets the upper hand and takes revenge on Niagra for the torture.
5 "This Place Was Like Baghdad And G-Strings" (Max Payne 3)
Max says in Chapter 2 while dangling off the side of a building. As funny as it is, the quote also lends to the themes of the game regarding income inequality and the rich exploiting the poor. Sao Paulo, like many big cities, contains both extreme decadence and high crime. More times than not the two are connected. The night club where the chapter begins seemed like such a cool place until people started shooting it up.
4 "...When I Discovered Some More Brazilian Architecture Not Designed For The American Physique" (Max Payne 3)
While in the police station in Chapter 13, Max is crawling through a vent while escaping gas. The vent breaks as he finishes up this quote, serving as a punchline. True to the game's fast-paced levels, he immediately falls into an enemy's sight and has to shoot him while still on the ground. Not only do characters poke fun at Max's weight, but so does the level design.
3 "At Best I Was Superman on Kryptonite About To Fall Through A Skylight, Down To Where It Was All Going Down" (Max Payne)
When the conspiracy has been unraveled and he finally knows who is responsible for the death of his family, Max still cannot help but make a joke about a superhero. We don't know about you, but we'd eschew the comparisons to comic book characters if we were currently tracking down the person who destroyed our family.
2 "I stood out in this place like a streetwalker in a Monastery" (Max Payne 3)
Chapter 7 has the main character wandering through one of Sao Paulo's favelas. He is so different from everybody else there, the above simile could be seen as an understatement.
The experience ends poorly for Max, since some people rob him. He then meets up with Da Silva, the one honest cop in the game, in a bar which turns into a shootout shortly afterwards. This is Max Payne, though, so a scene ending in gunfire should not be a surprise.
1 "I Didn't Know What The (Heck) I Was Gonna Find Up There, But I Sensed It Wasn't Gonna Be A Stripper Bursting Out Of A Cake" (Max Payne 3)
Elevators and video games go hand in hand. They often hide load times. When Max rides one in the sixth chapter, he ponders the possibilities of what will greet him once the doors open. Max is a realist, though, and definitely knows it will not be anything positive, and it especially will not "be a stripper bursting out of a cake." Given Max's luck, even the stripper would try to kill him even if it were true.