Todd Snap, the hero… well, let’s go with ‘protagonist’ of the original Pokemon Snap is back for New Pokemon Snap, and the game seems to think this is a big deal. Of the millions of people playing New Pokemon Snap, roughly seven of them agree that ‘sure, I guess it’s interesting’. Part of the problem is that the human characters in New Pokemon Snap are so bland they think a ham and cheese sandwich is a bit exotic, and part of the problem is Phil, Todd’s protege. Phil is the worst rival in Pokemon history, and even Todd tries to distance himself from his student when he first meets you. Most of the problem though is that Todd is just rubbish.
In Pokemon Snap, Todd was pretty good. Of course, I was controlling him, but still - he took some great snaps. More than two decades later, I figure he’d have learned something, but apparently not. To be fair, we only see Todd Snap’s snaps in the Requests menu, when he’s specifically asking us to capture moments he couldn’t. We’re not seeing his greatest hits so much as his big misses, and I will admit there is a confidence in that - Todd is clearly secure enough in his own photography skills to show us his errors. He may well have a full Photodex hidden away somewhere that disproves this theory that he’s awful, but that doesn’t change the fact that as a mentor, he’s absolutely terrible.
I’m not just talking about Phil either. The game is peppered with ‘Todd Tips’, where Todd gives you little pieces of advice to help you with your photography. These tips are garbage. Todd has allegedly been at the top of the Pokemon photography game since 1999, and all he has to say is ‘make sure there’s not a massive tree in front of your shot!’ or ‘when you zoom in, things get bigger!’ - there is absolutely nothing Todd tells you that you don’t learn within ten minutes of playing.
He also tells you to always have Pokemon right in the middle too, which isn’t how photography is supposed to work. He has no say in evaluating your photos, his student Phil (who he immediately claims is not actually his student) is terrible, and all we see of his own collection are the ones that got away. I’m beginning to suspect that Todd is a fraud.
He had it, once. A few years back. But now he’s past 30 and Father Time has come for his photography skills. I don’t know if it’s the yips or just the ravages of age, but these days, Todd is like post-Monaco Radamel Falcao, shuffling around and trading on former glory while hoping that nobody notices. But I’m onto you, Todd. Luckily, I don’t really care that you’re here - but I’m onto you. Your photography mojo has gone, and now all you have left is Phil. It’s a fate worse than death.