Ah, New World, the all-new MMO from Amazon Game Studios with a dodgy name and even dodgier premise. Personally, I’ve yet to actually install the game on account of, you know, the dodginess, but I’ve been entertaining a sort of morbid curiosity about how it all works and why it’s become so popular. In some ways, I get it… I think. We recently ran a piece on how excellent its PvP is, and games don’t attract almost a million concurrent players at launch because they’re rubbish. Clearly, there’s something of value here.

There are, however, some pretty weird design choices on display in New World, even outside of the aforementioned dodginess. For example, a lot of criticism towards the game has been tied to mounts - more specifically, the conspicuous lack thereof. Big massive MMO (yes I know the “M” in “MMO” already stands for massive, I’m talking massive, MASSIVE) world to explore? Better get the Asics out, bud. Time for an ultramarathon.

Related: Maybe It Just Shouldn't Be Called New World Though?

It’s obviously worth noting that New World is quite literally a new world. Given its nature as an MMO, it will likely receive all sorts of refinements, adjustments, and new features down the line. One would think, then, that mounts will eventually be introduced to Aeternum. One would think.

It was recently revealed that New World has an established lore reason for why there are no mounts in the game. You can read the relevant information below, which comes from an in-game pamphlet titled, “A Notice of Concern for Carters and Porters,” which was purportedly penned by a local doctor.

new world mount

"After a recent spate of back injuries, the doctors of Aeternum feel compelled to issue this warning to anyone who transports goods between settlements,” the note reads. “Please remember that there are NO beasts of burden on Aeternum. No horse or donkey will pull your cart, carry your pack, or tolerate a rider. All efforts to domesticate or re-domesticate these animals have led only to injury and a lot of swearing. Therefore it's important to transport ONLY as many goods as your own back can bear. Do not overburden your packs or carts. This is not the Old World. In Aeternum, we must all pull our own weight. Your joints will thank you.”

It’s a bit strange, really. Bears? While some games let you befriend them - which is cool as hell - I suppose New World opting not to domesticate big hairy murder lads makes sense. Alligators, wolves, and lions all fall under a similar umbrella. Yes, it’s a video game and therefore does not necessarily need to be realistic, but all of these creatures - at least in the real world - would much rather rip your face off than lug your armour up a hill. I get it.

That horse over there, though? Absolutely fuming. You could never whack a saddle on it because it is furious at all times on account of being Aeternum-bred. It is, put plainly, a horse with a bad temper. Has anyone at Amazon ever met a horse? They’re lovely, happy-go-lucky animals with shit for brains. I don’t think they know what a bad temper is. If you gave a horse one (1) apple, it would follow you to the end of the Earth. Shit. For. Brains.

Ah, but here’s the thing - New World is an MMO that broaches the fantastical and therefore it is able to state that, actually, the equine population of Aeternum are unanimously seething with rage. But - irony! It is claiming to be realistic in relation to its mounts being too ill-tempered for domestication while simultaneously purporting to be home to horses wilder than the ones Mick Jagger occasionally bangs on about. It’s just a bit silly.

New World may yet decide to introduce mounts to the game - even if the horses remain horrible, I reckon the Aeternumian alligator is actually quite a friendly species of swamp monster. If this does happen - and it really should, given that New World is a chore to explore - players all over the globe will likely rejoice while continuing to ignore the name of the game. I still can’t believe they didn’t just call it Aeternum.

Do you know what else would need to happen, though? Well, Mr. Local Doctor would have to eat his hat, wouldn’t he? Not particularly solid lore when your medical experts are touting complete bollocks about horse riding.

New World not having mounts is pretty stupid, but New World’s reason for not having mounts is even worse. Horses being so aggro they can’t “tolerate a rider”? Honestly. Someone’s been playing a bit too much Dark Souls 2, I reckon.

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