Originally a small card trading company, the Nintendo corporation has evolved into the greatest video game company of all time— and yeah, they’re still technically a card trading company if you count Pokémon cards. What Disney is to animated film, Nintendo is to gaming. You can run out of superlatives in trying to describe their contributions to the medium. Super Mario Bros. The Legend of Zelda. Pokémon. The reason you likely love games and the reason this website exists today is all because of one Japanese company.
But while we all love Nintendo games (that’s mandatory), there are certain logical inconsistencies that have plagued their series for years. Some of these are well known. Why does Professor Oak break into your home to ask if you’re a boy or a girl at six in the morning? Also why can’t he remember his grandson’s name? Also, why is everybody okay with sending a nine year old off alone to eventually do battle with a Godfather knockoff? Don’t worry. We get into it. And that’s just Pokémon.
There are also plenty of logical problems that we’ve just become accustomed to. I mean, why are there floating blocks in the air in the Mario universe and why do they spit out helpful items after a good pummelling? Are these blocks insensate or can they feel? Why does Mario insist on risking his loved ones’ lives to throw a party? Fortunately for us, much more talented and hilarious comic artists have taken these questions head on.
25 Keep Your Enemies Close
Art by: Inyuo
There’s one thing that never made sense about Mario Kart. Specifically, Mario is racing against his arch-nemesis Bowser, who has done a lot of not super-awesome stuff to Mario’s girl Peach. Like taking her against her will. That sort of thing. Sure, Bowser and Mario are racing against each other so you could argue there’s an inherent conflict there. Buuuuut racing takes loads of planning and coordinating. They have to call each other up and organize. Did you know that in The Republic, Plato argued there can be no such thing as true evil because vast evil organizations by definition need to organize? That means a degree of cooperation and understanding and empathy for the henchmen just to get their hench on.
24 You Got A Bar! Da Na Na Naaaa!
Art by: Omake Theater
Smartphone culture has pervaded every facet of our lives. So what are you supposed to do when you want to take a break from looking at a small screen all day? Simple. You enjoy some time looking at another larger screen all day. And you can play a fantasy game where there are no such thing as cell phones… right? In The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, Japan has ingeniously found a way of sneaking in smartphones. The designers gave Link a “Sheikah Slate,” which is just a cellphone powered by ancient technology. This comic pokes a little fun at that fact, and how Link will still need to go around and get reception bars. Maybe he’s climbing those tall pillars for a different kind of treasure, limitless data.
23 Link Speedruns Ocarina
Art by: Electric Bunny Comics
At the beginning of Ocarina of Time, the great Deku Tree summons Link to come take a tour of his innards. The Deku Tree’s reasoning is that a darkness has overtaken him, and so Link needs to go in and beat the sickness away with his stick sword. If he’s so attuned to his inner workings, why did the Deku Tree wait for the problem to get so bad in the first place? Gamers understand the truth. The Deku Tree is a tutorial level. But Link is actually living in this world and so he doesn’t have the same meta genre-savvy. It’s perfectly reasonable for him to deal with the problem with some gas and a lighter. Think of it as an act of mercy.
22 Ya-ha-AAAAAAAH!!
Art by: Electric Bunny Comics
Don’t even get me started on the logical inconsistencies of Death Mountain in The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. In keeping with Zelda tradition, Death Mountain does its name justice; it’s a volcanic wasteland that will burn the unwary wanderer to a crisp. It’s also the home of the Gorons, who can withstand the heat because they’re rock people. Kind of. So Link requires some special armor to survive on the mountain or he burns up— quietly literally. I’m with you so far. But then why don’t the Koroks burn up when you find them hiding under rocks? They’re talking wood leaves! Also, why does Link require a whole heavy armor set to survive harsh heat conditions!?
21 99x More Tragic
Art by: Bollebib
Everybody is used to the concept of “lives” in video games. As games by necessity pit your hero against perilous circumstances and he or she lives or dies by the reflexes of your fumbling fingers, they’re going to meet a grizzly end most of the time. Since it would be impractical for the game to short-circuit and require you to buy a new copy every time, “lives” are do-overs. Everybody just pretends that’s not what really happened and you can try again… and again and again until you succeed. We’re so used to it, but it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. I mean, Mario acquires lives in his games so he must be aware he’s being reincarnated.
20 On The Fence
Art by: Eyeburst
Pokémon is one of the worst offenders when it comes to Ludonarrative dissonance, which is a fancy word that only cost me four years and an English Lit. Degree to learn. It refers to the conflict between a gameplay and its narrative. So when a bunch of kids get stuck in the old fence fields down by Route 13, it makes sense from a gameplay perspective. But the reality completely falls apart when you apply any logic to it whatsoever. Just walk over the fences, my dudes. It’s really not that hard. But those kids will be fencing with the fences long after you’re gone. Is this what that Denzel Washington movie Fences was about? I haven’t checked, but the answer is yes.
19 That’s Where The Money Went
Art by: Rare Candy Treatment
Here’s another thing that never made sense in the Pokémon games. Whenever you lose a fight with a wild Pokémon, you also end up losing money? The excuse they give you is that you got too scared and ran screaming like a Poké-coward, and somehow in the process, you dropped wads of cash? Maybe that would happen once or twice, tops. I think someone who goes running and screaming from wild Pokémon as often as Red does would rectify the problem eventually with a nifty chain-wallet or fanny pack. We all get that the game needs to punish you for failing like a working-class dad smelling like Listerine, but couldn’t the Pokécenter simply charge you the fee and punish you that way?
18 He’s Good At Other Stuff
Art by: Rare Candy Treatment
THANK YOU! This always bothered me. When I was a child paging through my Pokédex with all my friends (I call all my Pokémon friends), I encountered this Alakazam tidbit. Apparently, Alakazam has an IQ of 5000. Since Einstein’s IQ was estimated at around 160, that would make Alakazam… Well, I can’t do that math. Nobody can. Except for Alakazam apparently. Now I know that IQ does not necessarily define genius, but 5000!? We all must look like drooling monkeys to Alakazam. Yet he’s still unable to learn a fifth move. He’s also apparently not smart enough not to be locked in a Pokéball prison. I can appreciate that the writers wanted to give Alakazam some neato facts, but they might have thought this one through with their dozens of IQ points.
17 Snorlax Standards
Art by: Inyuo
The Snorlax problem in the original Pokémon games is rife with logical inconsistencies. As you may recall, the player comes across a giant Snorlax in the middle of the road. He’s blocking the way forward and so you can’t get to the next area. The only way to move him is to buy a Pokéflute, which plays the perfect tune to make him wake up and attack you. Uh, yeah. Swell idea. Why don’t you just throw a Pokéball at him while he’s sleeping defencelessly!? That way you can catch him easily and solve the problem without musical instruments and a battle. Are you gonna tell me it’s not the moral thing to do? Need I remind you that you’re trapping Pokémon’s souls in ball prisons forever?
16 A Realistic Interpretation
Art by: Cookiehana
I love this image. Sometimes there is a massive discrepancy between the stats Pokémon are supposed to have compared to what they look like in-game. Take this hilarious comic for example. Onix is supposed to be one of the biggest Pokémon of them all. According to bulbapedia, Onix is twenty-six feet long on average. In the screenshot you see above, Onix is casually waddling in behind his trainer, barely a head taller. The artist’s rendition is much more on-point. Onix would break down the door and cave in the ceiling unless he stayed fixed to the ground like a snake. Even then, Onix wouldn’t be able to get in very far. Also, I must say that I love the oblivious expression on the trainer here. Solid work.
15 You Only Live Twice
Art by: Safely Endangered
Here’s another comic that lampoons the life and death system in Mario. This one is a personal favorite of mine, to tell you the truth. In this scenario, Mario defeats Bowser and wins the hand of Princess Peach. He lives out his entire life; they raise a family and grow old together. When they’re time comes, they’re buried together at the family plot. Then Mario is reincarnated… exactly where he began the level. You see, he has extra lives. It doesn’t matter that he happened to finish his life naturally. Extra lives are extra lives. Now Mario has to redo his whole life all over again. He probably won’t have the same son. He may not even win Peach’s affections. Can you imagine the psychological trauma that would entail? Hilarious!
14 Life As Player Two
This comic isn’t particularly funny, but when I saw it I knew I had to include it. As Kimmy Schmidt says, “they're the Mario Brothers but one of them is named Mario… does that mean his name is Mario Mario?” They might as well be, for the all the credit that Luigi gets. Sure, the games have “brothers” in the title, but they’re named after Mario’s first name. Luigi is not given any real props, even though he contributes just as much to their victory. Mario is clearly the main character of the series. He’s instantly recognizable and everybody lavishes him with praise, as seen here. I find the melancholy tone of this comic so heartbreaking and endearing all at once. Luigi is sad but reconciled to his permanent place as player two.
Ironically, I couldn't find the source to credit this comic! Please leave a comment if someone knows who the artist is.
13 Bushwhacked
Art by: Rnzzz
Veteran Pokémon players will recall that annoying shrub that gets in your way during your travels. Those insufferable weeds block you from gaining access to any intermediate areas. It’s only when you find a Pokémon capable of learning the technique Cut that you can chop down the shrubs and move on. From a game design perspective, the shrubs are a semi-clever way of making sure the player doesn’t gain access to overly-difficult areas until he or she is ready. From a realistic perspective, the shrubs make about as much sense as sending a nine-year-old off on an adventure all alone. Um. Just go around or walk over it. Then again, you are nine years old. By the way, anybody think it’s weird that they make a nine-year-old face off the with the equivalent of The Godfather?
12 I Choose Lapras!… Because I Have To
Art by: RagenRock
Pokémon developer used Cut Corners!
It’s super effective!
Here’s another decision influenced by budget and not logic. When your water type Pokémon learn the ability Surf later on in the original games, it allows the player to activate their ability whenever you’re near a body of water. You can then hop on the back of your Pokémon and evolve from unattended nine-year-old to unattended nine-year-old swimming in the ocean. But the resulting animation would always show you on a Lapras, no matter which water type Pokémon you chose. Now, this may not have been a budgetary consideration. The technology for the original GameBoy was extremely limited and so there were only a handful of sprites to pick from. That meant all water Pokémon became Lapras.
11 Be A Doll, Rhydon
Art by: Rare Candy Treatment
In the original Pokémon GameBoy games, you can distract wild Rhydons in a cave by throwing Clefairy Pokédolls at them. I’m not exactly sure what the logic there is. Presumably, the Rhydons are so lonely in their caves that they’ll take the fake companionship of a doll any day over trainers constantly trying to trap them in ball prisons forever. It’s also comical because the apparently vicious Rhydons are tamed by a cute plush doll. But in reality, the player would most likely be attacked badly. It would be like throwing a Winnie the Pooh stuffed bear at a rampaging Grizzly. This comic shows the most realistic outcome of this scenario. Red tries to throw a Pokédoll at a Rhydon and it simply bounces off of him. Unpleasantness ensues.
10 What Really Goes On In Pokécenters
Art by: Awkward Zombie
Okay, gang. This is one of my absolute favorites of the collection we have here. Its claim to a logic comic is tenuous at best, but it still points to a major logical flaw in the Pokémon universe. Besides that, it’s also downright hilarious. Ever notice that your Pokémon are healed extremely quickly when brought to a Pokécenter? It’s eerily fast. They’re dropped in a machine that beeps a few times and we’re expected to believe they’re all healed up? That’s not how medicine works. Here’s what’s really going on. Pokéhelper Chansey takes the injured Pokémon in their Pokéballs and discards them in a fire. Then she takes new Pokémon from their vast troves in the back and presents them like they’re the same ones. That’s one solution.
9 Every Man Needs A Goomba
Art by: Corpse Run Comics
Goomba really deserves a pay raise. In Mario 64, the iconic mustached plumber can’t access areas of the castle that are marked by a higher star count than he’s collected. It’s a simple matter of collecting enough stars in the low-level areas and working your way up until you can fight Bowser and save Princess Peach. But Bowser’s minion Goomba has a better idea. What if you just write up a higher star count on all the doors so Mario can’t get into any of them? That would mean he wouldn’t be able to even make it to the final level in the first place. The best ideas always come from middle management, don’t they? Goomba wins Employee of the Month. Unfortunately, nobody’s really sure which one that is.
8 Link’s Problem
Art by: InkRose98
This has never made total sense in The Legend of Zelda. Link’s relationship with pots is more troubled than his relationship to the English language. Never mind the fact that he routine commits breaking and entering to burst into peoples’ homes and destroy their most valuable possessions to acquire new wealth, he doesn’t understand basic concepts. Like, he doesn’t realize that you can reach into a pot and pull out its contents. You don’t need to break everything. Who hurt you, Link? Why do you feel the need to destroy so much? Here Zelda gives Link a crash course in common sense. He reacts predictably and thinks she’s some kind of witch. Depending on the Zelda game you’re playing, she might be, but that’s besides the point.
7 I Wanna Say… Gerry?
Art by: The Gaming Drawer
In the original Pokémon GameBoy games, Professor Oak takes you under his wing. He asks you what your name is. That’s a little weird considering you’ve lived in together in a (ridiculously) small town for nine years, but whatever. He then asks you what your gender is. Getting weirder. Then he pits you against his grandson, hoping you can live up to the expectations his grandson never could. Only there’s one problem. Professor Oak can’t even remember his grandson’s name. Yeah, he’s a world-class Pokémon expert but he can’t remember the first name for his only grandchild. Happily, this gives the player all sorts of leeway and creative freedom to name his grandson for him. The internet is full of some very colorful selections.
6 Unassuming Genders
Art by: James Donaldson
I get it. At the beginning of Pokémon, the game needs to ask you some basic questions. You can’t start playing until you’ve synchronized your clock and assumed a gender. But the games aren’t always very elegant in how they approach these issues. The very beginning of the game has the Professor ask you straight up whether you’re a boy or a girl. Today, that question would get him into some hot water with his university but we understand it’s for the gameplay mechanic. But then your mom asks you what day of the week it is. That’s even stranger. Something tells me the adults in the town aren’t quite right in the head. Maybe that explains why they routinely send nine-year-olds off alone.