Sports is one of my great loves in life. "Maybe times are changing, this team is changing things!" can always draw a tear from me, as can, "the man who knows the true meaning of the word 'survival'!". As a Newcastle and England fan, my love of sport has always been wrapped up in a sort of bittersweet disappointment, although there are glimmers of hope on the horizon for both. Discovering that I am transgender has seen sport as a very concept snatched away from me, and it wasn't until Nintendo Switch Sports that I realised how much I missed it.
For all the discrimination, punching down, and cruel legislation both in the UK and US aimed squarely at eliminating me (and worse, the next generation down from me), I have always regarded sport as my greatest loss to transness. Some people lose husbands or wives, others lose parents. I lost sport. I can no longer go to the gym, play on a sports team, or swim. While grounds are far safer for women these days, they are still dominated by a masculine atmosphere that implies a threat, even if most individuals in attendance would argue they are perfectly nice and tolerant of trans people. When Newcastle United posted a statement from the Supporter's Group for Pride Month, it was trans fans who were singled out for mockery. Dominic Calvert-Lewin, for his crime of posing for a fashion magazine, is constantly pelted with abuse for 'being a tranny'. All of those adverts about diversity that remind us that football is everybody's game no matter their gender, religion, skin colour, or disability, never include trans people. It's everybody's game - it's just not mine.
This is where Nintendo Switch Sport comes in. There is no way to know what gender the person on the other end of the court is in real life, and there are plenty of options to play and look exactly how you want. Hairstyles, clothing, makeup, and facial hair are all available across genders - as are squirrel fursona outfits, which I am still perplexed by.
Nintendo Switch Sports gives you the thrill of victory and the humbling lessons of defeat. There is no need to second guess myself - no fears that I am playing too well, too strong, too fast. Too manly. No worry that my failure will be wrapped up in my transness and held against me - perhaps Calvert-Lewin would have had a better season if he/him she/her took his/her mind off his/her new handbag, as the hilarious and not at all tiresome tweets go. Sports sims like FIFA don't recreate this feeling, they're closer to watching your team on TV, except when you tell Saint-Maximin to put a fucking cross in he actually does it. Here, I actively have (something analogous to) the racquet in my hand. For the first time in years, I feel part of sports again.
Participating in sport is impossible for me. I’m not a man - all my legal and medical documents refer to me as a woman. Ergo, I cannot join a male sports team. But I am not a cis woman either, and even at the lowest of levels, am therefore not welcome on a woman’s team. Even if an individual team were to ever accept me, any sort of league outfit would require complete acceptance from all teams: an impossibility, especially with the constant amplification that, despite being out of shape and having not competed in any sport for years, I have an inherent advantage. We’ve all seen enough parents screaming at Sunday League Under 12s to know that a fierce, vitriolic competitive spirit can be found anywhere, even without an Olympic medal on the line.
There may need to be an examination of how we categorise gender at an elite level when the very concept of gender is changing all around us. But it is never explored with the tone of making sport safe and fair for all, but with the idea that trans people are not fit for participation in society. This exclusionary rhetoric has trickled downwards and has pooled at grassroots level, creating a waterlogged pitch where rain and transphobia have stopped play. It feels like I've been subbed off early, stretchered off with transness. A career ending injury.
Nintendo Switch Sports is not an earth-shattering game. I've complained about its foibles a lot, despite my love for it. Aside from the online component, it feels like a backwards step from Wii Sports and Sports Resort, with some major games missing from the six-strong roster. But it might be the most personally important game for me this year, and for that I'll always cherish it.