The Disney Princesses are the royalty of popular culture. They represent the absolute pinnacle of pure and unadulterated purity. Generations upon generations of little girls have grown up admiring them, learning from their example (for better or for worse), and wanting to be them. Boys could hardly avoid them either.
There is a general thread in common between all their stories. We start with a beautiful girl who desires “something more” than what is offered by her usually-but-not-always privileged life. This girl then meets a beautiful man, and the two fall in love—sometimes at first sight, sometimes with some speed bumps in-between, but we the audience all always know they're made for each other. By the end of the movie, they set off to live "happily ever after" with privilege, riches, and extreme moral cleanliness.
That's the story we get, and it sounds pretty good, doesn't it? But we all know that human beings are more complicated than that and that even after our “happily ever after” there will be bumps and pimples, cracks and crevasses in our perfect lives. And hey, sometimes that's fun too. Disney Princesses gotta let loose too, and while maybe their men might not want the world to see behind their veneer of unblemished, fairytale perfection, the princesses have released the photos and we have them here now. Here are some particularly juicy examples.
23Rock The Casbah
Princess Jasmine of Agrabah was the object of Aladdin's desires from the second he laid eyes on her, while she is going undercover and slumming it in the market. He got the genie to turn him into a prince just so he could court her, and even defeated the evil Jafar to win her hand. But he may have underestimated how much of a taste she got for the commoner's life while she was sneaking out. Turns out she picked up some un-princessy tastes in style, and maybe some other unhealthy habits. Jasmine looks great in tats and her Misfits T, but Al probably doesn't want anyone outside of the two of them seeing that, lest they accuse the “street rat” of ruining her.
22Good Enough To Melt Her Own Castle
Elsa and Anna from Frozen are two of the newer Disney Princesses. They only entered the Disney family just under five years ago. They represent the same old values of purity of heart and decorum of behaviour. Even when Elsa is rejected as a monster and freezes the kingdom, she still manages to fall on the side of good in the end. But maybe they aren't actually quite as pure as they at first seem. This photo proves it. It certainly isn't as cold as it was, judging by what they're wearing. Elsa might be a free woman. But she probably should try to be a better influence on her sister Anna. She has Kristoff to think about. This just seems wrong on so many levels. Kristoff probably isn't happy this photo exists, but here it is.
Art by PhoebeLin001.
21I Can Show You The World
Aladdin does like Jasmine to put on certain outfits, although he still probably isn't any more eager to share them with the outside world. After all, love and refinement aside, the common folk of Agrabah probably had a lot of pretty firm ideas about what the good life up in the palace is like, and Jasmine wants to make sure her new husband lives out what he was expecting to find... at least when the mood is right. This picture was probably intended for a more private audience than the entire internet, but now that it's up here and gone viral, Al and Jas can't do much about it. And is there really anything to be ashamed of? Just having a little honest fun, in the end.
20Who's The Fairest Of Them All?
Honestly, Snow's prince should be a bit more concerned about evidence of her past than anything from her present. You see, as it turns out, there was a lot more going on in the Dwarves' cottage than just singing, cleaning, and wholesome merrymaking. To be fair, there were only so many things to do in Snow's situation, and at least she tried to get kinda, sorta artsy about it. At least nobody can say it isn't kind of classy. And maybe, maybe, Prince Charming can console himself that there isn't any evidence that she did anything but indulge a passion for photography, maybe channel a little inner Rita Hayworth. If it were kept private, maybe he could just have it framed it.
Art by Elias-Chatzoudis.
19Friend Claiming Benefits
Everybody remembers Ariel's adorable fish friend Flounder. Flounder is something of a lovable coward, but despite how easily he frightens he is always there for his best friend Ariel. Such a fish seems pure and selfless on the surface, but, as this candid shot reveals, the motives behind his friendship with the mermaid princess might not really be so pure. Prince Eric is probably a little uncomfortable with Ariel and Flounder's continued friendship after seeing this, and he definitely doesn't want the whole world knowing the kind of company his wife keeps. Also, we know that Ariel is a mermaid, but this is just one relationship that we really can't get behind. Some people should just stay friends, and this is definitely one of those cases.
Art by Techgnotic.
Of course, there are some kinds of fun that Aladdin is probably less okay with, of a kind that Jasmine appears to be doing with her friends when he isn't around. Some guys might be into this, but no guy wouldn't also be actually quite threatened. At least his competition is a gypsy, which he probably relates to, as he's a street rat. He's probably especially wronged by the fact that Jasmine might actually seem happy here with Esmeralda. Nothing that romantic ever came up in their whole courtship. In fact, the princess spent a lot of energy letting him know how much she didn't want to marry before she even started entertaining the notion. No way Al would ever want anyone to know anything like this exists!
Art by X-Arielle.
17Badges In All The Colours Of The Wind
It seems that ill-informed attempts to adapt perfectly fine lessons to be “more modern,” or something like that, are becoming quite popular among the Disney Princesses. Here we see Pocahontas, the Native American princess, protector of nature and bridge between cultures... as a girl scout. Granted, there are a lot of good things to say about girl scouts—good values, good cookies—but there's something unsettling about a Naive American princess dressing up in the garb of an organization inspired by the pioneers that bulldozed her culture. Not sure John Smith—or the guy from the sequel, whoever you want to say she ended up with—would really be happy about showing the world how his free-spirited lady sold out quite like this. This picture would best be kept under wraps.
Art by Isaiah Stephens.
16Not Remotely As Bad As It Could Be
Aladdin is probably also unhappy about the way that Jasmine has, well, let herself go. It isn't really that bad, to be honest—considering how, as a princess, she has access to as many banquets as she wants as often as she wants and is under no obligation whatsoever to work any of it off. After getting married, she probably feels slightly less pressure to keep a girlish figure going. Of course, also as a princess, she should probably consider herself under some obligation to hold herself to standards of glamour and class. But, let's stop for a second, what exactly is unglamourous or unclassy about a little weight? She certainly seems to be pulling it off. But Aladdin is definitely probably a little nervous about this photo being released, given the reputation she has to preserve.
15Beauty's Quite The Beast
Belle didn't start life out as a Princess, but she was definitely always destined to become one. She more than earned her place during her time spent with the Beast, overcoming his rough appearance and behavior and breaking a curse with the power of love. She even proved refined enough to teach a thing or two to an actual Prince! But appearances can be deceiving. Maybe Belle's obsessive love for fantasy worlds should have tipped us off. It turns out that our princess is actually the bigger beast of the two, as this police mugshot forcefully shows. Or maybe being trapped in the Beast's castle with talking furniture for however many months left a mark on her mental health. But whatever the case, this is an incident that her Prince surely would rather sweep under the carpet.
Art by Miss Cherry Martini.
14A Different Side Of Snow
Snow does seem to take a lot of... well... artistic photos of herself. Here is evidence there was more going on than tasteful photography. Who is taking all of these photos of her? This one was taken when she was about to eat the apple, and we know the dwarves weren't home yet. So who else was she entertaining? Snow probably felt she lost all hope of getting out of her situation with seven tiny little men, lost all hope that she would ever crawl back up to her world of glamour and castles. She's clearly got a few people on the go. It would be unfair for Prince Charming to be angry, or even to blame her, but nonetheless, the picture exists, and he has to lay awake at night wondering when—it's a when, not an if—all the tabloids in the kingdom are going to get ahold of it.
Art by Chris Delara.
13So That's What They Do In The Library
Despite complications, there is plenty that the Beast very much likes about Belle's wilder side, as this photo makes more than clear. Seeing this side of them actually makes it a little more understandable what might have bonded in the first place. Well, other than a perhaps understandable desperation to end a curse combined with a serious case of Stockholm's syndrome. This kind of roleplay manages to seamlessly combine Belle's bookishness and the Beast's, well, Beastliness in a way that is probably very fun for both parties involved. However, as much fun as they might be having, it's doubtful that either of them really wanted this picture to be available to the general public. But who can blame a couple for wanting some excitement?
Art by Isaiah Stephens.
12Disney Needs Some New Role-Models
The Disney Princesses don't just all work for the same film studio. They're also great friends and like to hang out together. This is great; it's always good for people working together to get along so well. It definitely really helps the Princess brand. However, maybe the princes should be paying more attention to what their significant others are doing off-set. They're always with some of the other Disney stars. Especially the ones who come off as deceptively innocent. Here we can see Meg clearly tempting Ariel to the dark side. We're not sure Eric and Hercules know about it. They wouldn't want anything this humiliating to them being revealed to the public. But, oh well, here it is for all to see.
Art by X-Arielle.
11Let's Not Read A Book, Let's Play A Game
Some of Belle's dress-up sessions are more solitary in nature. Her prince probably actually finds them a bit creepy. It looks like Belle's love of books has also branched out into movies, particularly those of the horrifying variety. Saw is definitely an excellent franchise, but we all could probably have done without seeing how really crazy into it Belle is. She's done an excellent job on the face-paint, and will probably make a big splash at any theme party or Saw convention, but we can't say that we're not a little unsettled learning about where her tastes lie in cinema. We're also sure the Beast might not like the world learning this detail about his refined French princess, and probably isn't too happy we got ahold of this picture.
10Up Where The People Are Badly Dressed
Belle and her Beast are not the only ones who enjoy a little dress-up. Here is a somewhat embarrassing snapshot of Ariel and Eric dressed up for some kind of costume ball. We're not really sure where they got advice on what they should be wearing, though. Eric is wearing a sailor's hat, complete with an adorable anchor; a sort of sailor-inspired pair of tight undies with a ship's wheel on one hip... even though he's not a sailor and just looks ridiculous. Ariel's get-up is a bit better, but also looks completely silly—her dress looks like a jellyfish for some reason. We're sure that both of them regret ever putting these outfits on and probably wish they had burned this photograph. But we have it here for all to see!
Art by Isaiah Stephens.
9Belle A La Coquette
Creepy as it was, Saw Belle probably makes the Beast less uneasy than this one here does. Yes, true, the Beast would probably enjoy this kind of thing at home when it's directed exclusively at him. But just as probably he's enjoying it less when its on the internet and directed at the whole rest of the planet. Belle has taken the design of the famous dress she wore to dance with him in his ballroom—as seen in the movie—and turned it into something exercised-themed and much less wholesome. The subtitle also implies that she's dating other “beasts,” on the side—a dirty little secret that nobody would ever want to be released to the general public any more than he would want to release her to the general public.
8Would Sink Like A Rock
Flounder probably isn't that interested in his long-time friend that way anymore, not after the way she's let herself go. This is a posed photograph and not actually a depiction of an obese mermaid—and it's a good thing too since she probably would not even be able to float if she were legitimately a denizen of the deep again. Perhaps, long after beginning some downward spiral, she posed for this photo in order to try to capture some nostalgia for a lost youth. Can't have worked very well, judging from the look on her face. Although she must have wanted this picture taken at some point, she obviously would not want anyone seeing her in this state, and neither would Prince Eric.
Snow White was the very first Disney Princess, and, even though she made her debut way back in 1937, she's still rockin' it today. Of course, she's gotten quite a bit more modern since her first appearance. She still keeps the same values going, but knows how to have “fun” in a way that maybe more than just dwarves can appreciate. We all remember the classic number “Whistle While You Work,” which taught us as children to take pride and joy in the value of hard-work—while, here is a 21st century take: “Whistle While You Twerk.” Because joy and purity won't do it for the younger generation, you need to get some shaking in there too! We're sure Snow will find a lot of success with this new approach, but we also really doubt her Prince Charming is too pleased with it.
6Skin As White As Snow, Still Looks Like A Potato
Snow has more secrets that she and Charming want to keep out of the papers. If this comparison revealing how much of her classic look is dependant on make-up, as opposed to “natural radiance” ever got out, her reputation would be very much done—especially given how much of her act depends on having such a communion with nature. And we're going to have to look at her time roughing it in a rustic setting pretty differently now that we can be sure she was still spending two hours in front of a mirror touching herself up every morning before anyone even got a look at her. Prince Charming definitely would have had a fright the first time he saw her face without makeup, and he surely wouldn't want to share the truth with anyone else.
5Show Those Stepsisters All You Got
Cinderella's story is the definitive tale of rags to riches. The initial transition happened in an instant, with the wave of her fairy godmother's wand, giving her a magical dress for the princess's ball in one of the most spellbinding moments in movie history. Cinderella taught generations that a wish is a dream the heart makes. Well, it turns out our Ella has something else to add on to this classic lesson for boys and girls of all ages one that is probably more appropriate for them once they're quite a bit older than they were when they heard the first part. The lesson even comes with visual representation. We're not sure how her Prince Charming must feel about this whole thing, and he probably would have rather she had just stuck with the classic lesson and left all well alone.
4Big Pile Of Snow
Snow's prince has “bigger” problems on his hands. Maybe Snow was better off living a frugal life in a state of naivety because it is clear that actual privilege is not doing any kind of good for her general well-being. She has completely let herself go. Her standards of fashion have gone way, way down, and it seems she's discovered the joy of social media and the unfortunate joy of selfie-taking. If only she had been like this before, and she wouldn't have had any problems. The magic mirror wouldn't have ever mentioned her name, the evil queen would have been happy, and the whole net happiness of the universe would actually be quite a bit higher. Prince Charming probably doesn't want to let the world know that the beauty that caused so much fuss has gone to this.
3What The Heck, Cinderella?
Charming's probably a lot more concerned with the reality that his mostly perfect wife actually, uh, wears a rug over top of a hairline that is receding enough to compete with his father. We're honestly not clear how to respond to this. Maybe the Fairy Godmother had something to do with this—either she gave her the wig, some time long ago, or could this even be the price Cinderella had to pay for the magical favors she received on the night of the ball? Whatever the case, it looks really, really, weird, and shatters any sense of glamour she's managed to achieve for herself. The fact of this picture's existence must scare the heck out of both her and her Prince. All the girls he passed over at the ball would be wild with rage!
2She's Gonna Make A Man Outta You
Fa Mulan taught girls that they could be fighting girls just as much as the men could—and still end up pretty princesses at the end of the day to boot! She showed us all that women could honor their family and Empire in more ways than just being a good wife or care of the home: a lesson just as necessary now as it was during the Northern Wei dynasty which ruled the China that Mulan inhabited nearly two thousand years ago. However, she here seems to be under the impression that her message needs modernizing, though she kinda undermines her original, empowering point in the process: that a woman was worth much more than her twerkable body. Given that Shang fell in love with the empowered Mulan, we doubt he wants to introduce the world to this alternative.
Sleeping Beauty tells the classic story of a cursed princess brought out of an otherwise-eternal slumber by true love's kiss. This came from a handsome prince, of course. It is a story as idealistic as it is iconic. It centrally relies upon the assumption that all princes are pure and noble in their intentions. They just want to reawaken and rescue the damsel in distress. But this, looking at this photo, does not seem to to be the case with regards to our Prince Philip. He's about to find the sleeping princess Aurora. Philip doesn't seem to know what's waiting for him here. But someone already seems to have woken up Aurora. We don't know who the lucky guy was. But we hope that Philip has a backup girl in case this doesn't work out!
Art by Luis-Salas.
Leave A Comment
Looking for an AD FREE EXPERIENCE on TheGamer?Get Your Free Access Now!