Pokemon Brilliant Diamond & Shining Pearl’s art style is polarising at best. While I’ve seen plenty of people laud it as a gorgeous recreation of Sinnoh’s sierras and snowscapes, others - myself included - are a bit less enthused. The chibi overworld models pale in comparison to the objectively more stylish battle sprites; the highly anticipated Hideaways look like hastily reskinned Mystery Dungeon maps; and Cyrus, the most intimidating villain in Pokemon history, is about as scary as Swiper from Dora the Explorer. Worst of all though, Gen 4’s greatest gym leader is a flat caricature of himself. Crasher Wake? More like Dodger Sleep.
In my review of Pokemon Shining Pearl, I spent quite a bit of time discussing how the strangest thing about this remake is how inferior it is to Platinum. When judged on its own merits, BDSP is a mostly solid recreation of a great Pokemon generation. When you compare it to Platinum, however, it becomes clear as day that Brilliant Diamond & Shining Pearl came 13 years too late. This is especially true when it comes to the inimitable Crasher Wake.
Let’s look at what we know about Crasher Wake: imagine a white-haired Keith Flint with mutton chops and a pair of Speedos on his head. He’s also a celebrated wrestler, a television personality, and, judging by the fact he performs his own theme song, a confident singer. I’m not necessarily sure that he’s a good singer, but then again loads of bad singers are brilliant. Ozzy couldn’t find a note in a notebook. Anyway, here’s Wonderwake:
"The ring is my roiling sea. ♪
The towering waves shaped me.
Crash! Crash! Crasher Wake!
Crash! Crash! Crasher Wake!
I'm the tidal wave of power to wash you away!
Put out the fire, Crasher Wake!
Run from electricity, Crasher Wake!
Ah, ah, aaaah!
The ring is my sea. ♪"
Aside from all the bravado, Wake also represents the first proper difficulty spike in Diamond & Pearl, which is accentuated even further by the rejigged gym order in Platinum. Water gym? Easy, you definitely have a Luxio. Unfortunately, Wake has a Quagsire. All of your ferocious electricity is earthed and you’re immediately cracked in the head with mud shot at the speed of light.
You might get away with it if you have a Roserade, but then Wake also has a Gyarados. I lose sleep at least once a month wondering about how Aaron got into the Elite Four when Wake is just a gym leader. It’s like when they gave Bruno a slot over Koga in Gen 1 - how does that even happen? I know Gen 2 eventually fixed this gross mistake by giving everyone’s favourite PokeNinja the credit he deserves, but 15 years on, Wake is still hanging out in Pastoria City. Surely it’s by choice, right?
The main problem with Wake’s portrayal in Brilliant Diamond & Shining Pearl is that he just feels off. It’s worth noting that he’s always been the type of person you’d see slamming ten pints down the pub before erupting with a laugh so uproarious the ceiling caves in and he’s forced to single-handedly hold it up while everyone else escapes. That’s just the kind of guy Crasher Wake is… or used to be.
In Brilliant Diamond & Shining Pearl, Wake doesn’t have the smile of a roguish vagabond with a love for life and a conviction to make it weird - he beams at you with his full teeth showing. He’s more like a real estate agent on commission than a bruiser who swims out to volcanoes for a laugh on a Sunday afternoon. We see him at Stark Mountain, sure, but without all of the context building up to why he’s the kind of person who hangs out there, it just feels like a fleeting chance encounter that was exclusively designed to warn you about the relatively tough wild Pokemon in the area. Everything that used to make Wake so special is eschewed for a jovial topless Santa Claus. Crasher Wake was my hero when I was ten. If I was ten now, all these years later, I’d ask him if he needed a hand crossing the road.
I’m not trying to be uncharitable here. There’s a lot to love about Brilliant Diamond & Shining Pearl and the first thing I’m doing when I finish work this evening is booting up my Switch to spend some time knocking about the Grand Underground. Still, I can’t help but feel disappointed about how half-Waked my favourite gym leader in Sinnoh is. The ring is your sea? Nice one bud, and I’m Ash Ketchum.