Pokemon has some strange characters. There are the people who hang around in caves. There are super comfy shorts fans. There’s Brock. There’s a lot of odd ducks in there, and I don’t just mean Psyduck. Early on in Brilliant Diamond & Shining Pearl, I found another strange soul - Lass Madeline. What exactly is her game?

Lass Madeline is like any other early game trainer - for the most part. You meet her on Route 203, the connecting route between Jubilife City (the first major city of the game) and Oreburgh City (the first gym in the game). It’s Oreburgh that’s particularly interesting, as Madeline claims she has a “nifty-keen” gym badge from there. Oreburgh is the earliest gym in the game, but it’s still a gym. It’s a Rock gym too, meaning all those Normal moves the early game is peppered with are useless.

Related: Why Would Anybody Choose Pokemon Shining Pearl?Here’s the thing - Madeline is either the greatest Pokemon trainer of all time, or a dirty rotten liar. Madeline’s team consists of a level five Bidoof and a level five Starly. That means not only is she running all Normal moves, she also has one of her two ‘mons weak to Rock.

Nothing about her battling style suggests she’s a Pokemon genius. It’s the typical early game fodder - Tackle, Growl, repeat. I haven’t reached this point in the remake, but in the original Diamond & Pearl, rematching Madeline saw her stick to Bidoof and Starly, with the duo getting slightly stronger and evolving, but that doesn’t really matter - it’s clearly still the same two Pokemon, they’ve just gotten stronger over time. That doesn’t explain how she’s already got a gym badge when you speak to her.

Pokemon Brilliant Diamond & Shining Pearl Oreburgh City And Roark Guide

Let’s assume she’s not the ultimate Pokemon genius, in that case. How on Earth does she have that badge? We know Ash has previously ‘earned’ a badge in less than legal circumstances - a sprinkler? Really? - but Lass Madeline is a minor NPC and is unlikely to be afforded the same leeway as the Pokemon prodigy. Madeline’s words may hold the answer to the riddle. “I got a nifty-keen badge from the Gym Leader in Oreburgh City.” Notice she said “got.” Not “won,” not “beat the Gym Leader.” She said “got.”

This leaves me with two theories, neither of which involves Madeline’s terrible team earning that gym badge fairly. Option a) somebody conned her. This theory means whoever gave her the badge was not Roark. It also means the badge is fake. Whether she was sold it, swindled, or played so badly she thinks she earned it despite being conned into picking up a fake badge, I have no idea.

Option b) the badge did come from Roark, but she didn’t get it fairly. Either Madeline stole it, or she traded some kind of favour for it. Roark isn’t in his gym that often, which makes it easier for someone to convince Madeline that they are him, but also makes it easier for Madeline to steal it. Failing that, maybe Madeline is trading something for the badge, like tutoring Roark’s kid or another favour. It’s less conniving than stealing the badge, but it’s still unethical in the quest to become the very best like no one ever was.

Lass Madeline, you’re either very stupid or very sneaky. Either way, I’m not sure I want to associate with you anymore. Let’s take a rain check on that rematch.

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