So it's come to this. 898 Pokemon across eight generations and not a single god damned turkey? It’s actually unbelievable to me that we’ve gone this long without a single nod to North America’s greatest poultry. I’m making a stand for these unsung heroes of the animal kingdom: no more fish Pokemon until they give us at least one turkey.
I know you can think of some other animals that aren’t represented in Pokemon. There’s no llama Pokemon, no dolphin Pokemon, and no opossum Pokemon. I’m not saying those aren’t unfortunate omissions too, but the absence of a turkey isn’t just an oversight, it’s a travesty.
Turkeys are a cultural touchstone in North America, unlike any other animal. Ancient Aztecs and Mayans domesticated turkeys thousands of years ago and were worshiped as gods. Today, turkey is a symbol for family, community, and thankfulness on Thanksgiving. The great Benjamin Franklin even nominated the turkey to be our national bird, and it lost to the bald eagle by only one vote (thanks Thomas Jefferson, prick.) And if you think the turkey isn’t a beautiful and majestic creature worthy of a Pokemon counterpart, think again.
There are 51 fish Pokemon, and almost all of them are trash. I enjoy a fancy fish as much as the next guy, but do we really need Goldeen, Wishiwashi, Feebas, Finneon, Tynamo, Relicanth, Remoraid, Carvanha, Barboach, Basculin, Magikarp, and Arrokuda? That’s 12 Pokemon that are pretty much the same Pokemon. How are you going to make Stunfisk and Galarian Stunfisk before you make a single turkey? Gulpin even. Embarrassing.
I know you can levy the same accusations at bird pokemon. There’s 105 flying-type Pokemon — roughly 1/8th of all species — and like half of them are exactly the same. I’m not here to defend Tailow, Starly, Pidove, Pidgey, and Spearow, I just want the turkey to get what it deserves.
It just chaps my ass that we have Vullaby and Mandibuzz, a couple of disgusting vultures, but no respect for the bird that provides 736 pounds of food to America annually. What the hell has a vulture ever done for us? They’re gross and scary and not much else.
Did you know that the floppy thing that hangs over a turkey’s beak is called a snood? That already sounds like a Pokemon name to me. The snood is a fleshy protuberance that hangs a few centimeters from the turkey’s forehead. When the turkey begins its mating dance, the snood engorges and elongates. All you gotta do is fill that thing with electricity or poison or something and boom, you got yourself a Pokemon.
To date, there are 13 turtle Pokemon, 14 snake Pokemon, eight rabbit Pokemon, ten bat Pokemon, and not a single turkey Pokemon. I don’t think it’s too much to ask to give the turkey a little love. Chickens were covered with Torchic, and Blaziken is one of the most beloved starters of all time. Let’s get a Turkey starter in Gen 9 (or else).