Pokemon doesn’t have voice acting, a fact I have frequently complained about. On the old Game Boy games, voice acting was obviously impossible, but as technology has improved, Pokemon has clung to the past. Strangely, despite the lack of voice acting, no one in the game can shut up.

New Pokemon Snap promised us voice acting, but then under-delivered, offering only a handful of voiced snippets amongst copious flash cards of silent text. Legends: Arceus regresses even further, leaving us completely engulfed by silence - and I do mean engulfed. Every single person in this game just pelts you with sentence after sentence after sentence, and none of it in aid of anything.

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There are a few standout characters in the game, more than a regular Pokemon game perhaps, but they’re surrounded by the usual tedious bores who just will not stop talking to you. Half of the characters just spout endless tutorials at you, and the rest take seven panels to say what should take one - it or better yet, four seconds of spoken dialogue.

Captain Pokemon Legends Arceus Research Task Report

Pokemon dialogue is also inexcusably poorly written in places. Much like the graphics, it’s easy to wave away these criticisms because you ‘don’t play Pokemon for the writing’, but sooner or later we’re going to have to get to the bottom of exactly what you do play Pokemon for, and what is therefore acceptable to criticise.

Of the characters who have personality, some have far too much, constantly blurting out nonsense or jargon (who can tell which is which in Pokemon?) with no regard for pacing or storytelling. Everything is just words, words, words, and it all takes way too long. If it sounds like I’m complaining about Legends: Arceus, nothing could be further from the truth. Recency bias is a thing, but it might be the best Pokemon game since HeartGold & SoulSilver. I love Legends: Arceus. That’s why I want to play it and not be talked at so damn much.

A screenshot showing a scene from Pokemon: Legends Arceus

While some of the characters make the most of the situation, everything just feels flat and lifeless. Games without voice acting can work, but every single character cannot talk in paragraphs in order for it to land.

It’s not just the dialogue either - every text-based thing in this game is an ordeal. Menus take too long to scroll in and out of because they’re packed with text, and don’t even get me started on learning moves. One… two… and… ta-da! This method is incredibly boring and takes far too long for absolutely no reason! Again, back on the Game Boy, the ‘one… two…’ moment gives a little bit of drama to the event and makes up for the technical limitations. These days, especially since you can change moves in bulk, it just gets in the way.

This is Pokemon’s whole problem. It’s a fantastic game that gets in its own way time and time again by constantly clinging to the past and being afraid to trust its audience even a little bit. I love Pokemon, and that’s why I’m so critical of it. I want it to be better. So much more than that though, I just want to be able to play it.

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