The world of Pokemon is drastically different to our own. Given that plenty of kids apparently set out on odysseys around the world at ten years old instead of attending school, it’s reasonable to believe that this society has reached a state of post-scarcity. This idea is further compounded by the fact that healthcare is free, public transport doesn’t cost a cent, and every trainer you bump into apparently has fat stacks crammed into their jorts. That last point is the one that really grinds my Klinklang.

Making money in the Pokemon world isn’t all that difficult - you either beat people up or flog stolen items to snake oil salesmen who will immediately offer to sell them back to you for double the price. Provided you don’t fall for their conniving capers, you should be able to afford a small portable pharmacy by the time you reach the Elite Four. My argument isn’t necessarily that Pokemon’s economic structure is a brutal ultra-capitalist regime designed to bankrupt you specifically - it’s that every other person on this hell-scorched earth seems to be farting out 50s like a golden Swanna.

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Put it this way - how many times do you beat up a fellow ten-year-old who then coughs up four grand just for getting battered? I mean, you saw their team. They’re never going to beat anyone, ever, and yet they keep trying and trying and trying again. If you make even semi-regular use of the Vs. Seeker, you’ll probably leave them broke within a matter of minutes - except you don’t, because like everyone in this bougie world, even the most painstakingly inept trainers are filthy forking rich.

pokemon trainers rich

There are some particularly egregious examples of this, too, especially early on in most of the games. Take Brilliant Diamond & Shining Pearl, the most recent mainline entries in the series. Once you get to Jubilife City, you’re tasked with finding your rival at the local Trainer’s School. After you beat him and demand he pays you approximately $15 trillion, you can go off to the corner of the school and challenge a couple of bookworms to their first bona fide battle.

Do you know what they do? Before even instructing their Pokemon to make a single move, they use expensive performance enhancement items to give them a competitive edge in battle. Surely these should be illegal, right? Nope. In terms of Pokemon’s actual lore, it seems like a lot of the matches that happen around you are pay-to-win. Sure, you can use items too, but you’re supposed to be the unique person who’s beating everyone else and nicking their quid. They can’t all be winning and losing at the same time, so how does every single one of them have unlimited funds?

It’s not just trainers either. You could go to a shopkeeper in Celestic Town, an old historical site where the average age is 167 and there isn’t even a proper PokeMart, and easily sell 20 nuggets for 100 Gs. Where does this money come from? Straight out of the owner’s Arceus because everyone in the world of Pokemon has a bottomless bank account. The only real sucker is you.

Nothing is more infuriating, however, than going up against a gym leader or an Elite Four member who apparently has a full hospital wing at their disposal. What’s that? You outsmarted the Champ and now their ace is on five percent HP? Hold your Rapidash, bud - of course they’ve got 17 Full Restores in their pocket. No matter how many times you go up against them, they will always have enough medicine to sedate an entire herd of Copperajah for 50 consecutive years.

Basically, Pokemon is a world where everyone has too much money despite doing zero work. I mean, even your job is just ‘extort people by making your magical creatures beat up their magical creatures.’ You’re basically Robin Hood and they’re a bunch of horrible nobles who ruin everything they touch. Wow, I never realised how heroic we were being just by kicking the shit out of bug catchers - somebody call up Johnny Rotten, we’ve got anarchy in BDSP.

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