The launch of Pokemon Brilliant Diamond & Shining Pearl is almost upon us, and as someone who lists Gen 4 as one of my least favourite generations, I'm moderately excited. Least favourite Pokemon gen is like least favourite ice cream - they're all good, but I am craving the triple chocolate scoop of Legends: Arceus next year and hoping for the bubblegum cherry reveal of Let's Go Johto sometime soon. You might be wondering why I'm talking about food so much. The thing is, I was going to write about why Gen 4 has the worst starter trio, but I didn't want to be too much of a negative Cufant. While I was thinking of Sinnoh’s most glaring cons, one thought that stood out was "I bet they all taste garbage too." This brings me to my very real investigation into which of the starter trios would taste the worst.
Let's begin in Kanto. Bulbasaur is a poisonous frog, so that's not a great start. It also has a head of lettuce on its back, and frankly I think I'd rather eat the frog. Squirtle though - that's more like it. We're getting some nice turtle soup here, even if it would be a little watery. Eh? Eh? Meanwhile, I can't say I've ever eaten salamander, but most edible lizards have a sweet, gamey taste to them, and Charmander would obviously come chargrilled. Eh? EH??? I'll stop these jokes now, but just know I could use them every time and it would be very funny for me specifically.
Moving on to Johto. Our Grass starter there is Chikorita, who evolves into Bayleef. While a bayleaf isn't a food you'd snack on, it's close enough that we can mark Chikorita down as delicious. As for Totodile, croc meat is pretty tasty. Unlike every food on the planet that gets compared to chicken, crocodile actually does taste like chicken. Two in the bag for Johto. Cyndaquil... what exactly is Cyndaquil? Like a hedgehog, maybe? Nah, not sure I'd eat that. Still, two out of three for both regions so far is good going.
Next up there's Hoenn, where Treecko looks like a less tasty version of Charmander. I could probably finish a plate, but I'm not sure I'd enjoy it. Mudkip is another one that confuses me. It doesn't look appetising and the idea of something tasting like mud, unless it's a Mississippi Mud Pie, gets an instant pass. Finally, Torchic doesn't just taste like chicken - it is chicken. That's an easy sell, but not enough to save Hoenn.
Now we come to Sinnoh, the trio that started this thought process. Like Squirtle, Turtwig is a turtle, but it's a muddy, mossy turtle that grows into a tree. I don't want to eat a tree, thanks. I also don't want to eat a penguin or a monkey, so yeah, I think Sinnoh is currently the worst. Let's see if anything else can beat it, shall we?
In Unova, Snivy continues the trend from Sinnoh of being an animal I just don't want to eat. A snake with arms and legs that eventually just becomes a snake, Snivy is one of the most elegant starters, but it would taste tough and stringy. No thanks. This trend continues to continue with Oshawott - I don't want to eat an otter, either. Thankfully, Unova delivers Tepig, literally a barbecue pig. The most delicious animal, cooked in the most delicious way - Tepig alone sees Unova shoot up the rankings.
Following Unova is Kalos, which kicks off with Chespin. I'm not sure what the mole thing is, but I have investigated thoroughly and I can tell you if you roast Chespin, it tastes like chestnuts. Delicious. Froakie is yet another frog, and while I think it would taste nicer than Bulbasaur, it's still no Tepig, is it? Finally we have Fennekin, and a fox is another animal I don't want to eat, thanks - especially not a magical one.
Then there's Alola. Controversial perhaps, but Rowlet is delicious. So cute with a bowtie. So tasty with a honey mustard dip. Popplio, however, is not to be eaten at any cost. I would lay down my life for this majestic seal mermaid, or at the very least I'd be all, "hey, that's not on, that," if you tried to eat it. Then there's Litten - since I have a pet cat who would claw me to death in my sleep if I said otherwise, I'm gonna say you can't eat Litten either. It probably would taste okay, though.
The most recent starter trio is Galar’s lineup. I didn't want to eat a flame grilled monkey, so I definitely don't want to eat a vegetable one - Grookey is safe for another day. Sobble however, while not the most appetising, is secretly quite delicious. Best eaten in small chunks served on a skewer. Scorbunny meanwhile is one of my favourite starters ever, but I love sticky rabbit ribs more. Quite a tasty offering, especially considering the UK’s reputation for boiled, overcooked beige.
That means Sinnoh is the only region where all three starters are off the menu, while Galar, Kalos, Johto, and Kanto all have two solid offerings. That being said, I think Tepig is delicious enough to be the big winner here - or big loser, depending on how you see it. We just need Pizzerama, a fiery pizza starter, to take the crown in Gen 9 now.