Let's get right into it: Pokémon is no stranger to attractive characters. Whether we're talking about our eternal dragon mom Cynthia, the rugged appeal of the aptly named Looker, or the serious goth gf vibes of Sabrina, the series has something for practically everybody.
The latest entries, Sword and Shield, are no different, with a whole bevy of beautiful, lovable, and extremely kissable new characters. But today, we're going to get a bit more specific. It's easy to split hairs and argue back and forth about who the "hottest" character is, but that's too simple. No, we need to go deeper. We need to think big picture.
Folks. We need to figure out who the most eligible candidate for marriage in this children's video game is. It's one of those kind of days. Let's get into it.
At the very bottom of this list is Allister. There are a few reasons for this, but perhaps the biggest one is that he's a literal child. Here at TheGamer, we frown upon even considering this option as a viable candidate, and if he ranks higher on your list, please: seek help.
But even if he were a full grown lad, he'd still be coming up short. His whole mask thing is just a bit creepy, and we get bad vibes from him. He seems very emotionally guarded, too, meaning that in the long-run, he'll be an unfulfilling and uncommunicative partner. In marriage, you need that communication to really keep that fire burning. This puts Allister at the bottom of the list.
That, and the law.
Opal is an enigma - and not in a good way.
Her whole bag is just grilling the player with questions, and frankly, that seems a bit like projection. In the long run, she's going to be the type of lover who questions everything you do. "Where have you been?" "Why did you get this type of milk over the other?" "Why do you reek of scotch and cheesecake every night?" It would be exhausting, being married to somebody so suspicious. Elvis Presley wrote a whole song about it, you know!
Aside from that, her fashion sense is, in a word, completely wack. She looks like a giant, weird tree, and we're extremely not here for it. Imagine the nightmare of her wedding gown - no thanks! Next!
Look, there's nothing particularly wrong with Gordie, but there's nothing really right with him, either. He's cute, but he's completely devoid of any personality - and that's a problem.
His personality is "climbing shorts and Oakleys," and that's it. While to some, that sort of blandness is comforting, to us it means that there's no real spark to be found there. People like Gordie are the type of people that just do whatever, and that's dull. They'll watch whatever you want, eat whatever you want, do whatever you want without ever expressing a clear preference for themselves. Relationships are all about meshing and communication, and to us, Gordie seems the type to not communicate much at all.
He may be a looker, but he's as bland as the rock types he specializes in. That certainly ain't husband material.
Kabu's what you'd call a silver fox - an attractive older gentleman with sexy salt and pepper hair, and an air of dignity about him. Basically the George Clooney of these games, Kabu is polite, respectable, and seemingly has his life together - more than we can say about ourselves!
The thing about Kabu, though, is that perhaps he has his stuff too much together. As seen with Monica and Richard's infamous fling in Friends, there gets to be a point where that's less appealing the more you realize you're basically dating a parent. If you're a good deal younger, that puts you in an uncomfortable position for a long-term relationship. You've got a bad power dynamic at play there, with you always being the one learning from your older partner, and that can form some pretty nasty codependency.
Plus, he's going to die, like, way before you. That's sad! We'd say Kabu's good for a lover, but perhaps not a sustainable long-term sort of deal.
Piers might seem like a complete edgelord, but look a little bit deeper. Beneath the shocking style of dress and the rockstar personality, Piers is a guy who'll be there for you. He cares deeply for his sister, and comes across as a deeply compassionate person.
Compassion is so, so important in a relationship, and for those who need a little bit more extra care, Piers would be a great pick. However, it's worth noting that sometimes, too much care can come across as overbearing. If somebody's checking on you every five seconds, making sure you're okay, not giving you space, that can be a bit much.
There's also the fact that he let his town fall into disrepair over emotional hangups, and while yes, he's built a successful music career, that shows a proclivity for ignoring major problems over long periods of time. In a relationship, that stuff adds up until it blows up, and it stings like a Beedrill when it does. Piers is a cute, sweet, charming guy with lots to offer, but his emotional baggage and need to show affection could be exhausting.
Just look at this goofball. Look at him. That smile. Those freckles. That wild hair.
Milo's a guy who cares about nature, who cares about being outside, who just... cares. He seems plucky, sensitive, and overall the kind of challenge to rugged masculinity that we need. He's the sort who'll write you a song, even if it's a little bad; who'll cook for you all time, even if it's a disaster sometimes. He'll try. He'll be there for you. That goes a long way in a relationship.
The only reason he's this low is that we're not sure how much we'd see him. With him always out and about, engaging his hobbies, he may not be present enough for some people's liking. For some, that's a plus, and more power to them! But it is a potential inhibitor to getting close.
Raihan's where things start getting more viable.
He's vivacious. He's fun. One look at this guy, and you know he's going to be a fiery, passionate lover with lots to give. If you're looking for a good time, all the time, Raihan seems like the kind of guy you'd call.
But here's the thing... For some, that might get exhausting. Over time, in a marriage, you're going to want space to just relax and chill. But "chill" doesn't seem to be in Raihan's vernacular, and that bumps him down a few slots. You need to be able go high and low with a long-term partner, because let's face it: life's more lows than highs, and a guy at this energy level might not be equipped to handle that.
So while Raihan's a good candidate for some, he's more of a specific taste than anything else.
Bea's a fighter, never seen without a determined gleam in her eyes. This is a woman who's driven and committed, and who won't be afraid to throw down for you if push comes to shove.
Not only that, but she looks like she's been in more than a few scraps. That means that whatever life throws at you, she'll have your back, and she'll probably throw back some punches of her own at whatever's ailing you. This is the kind of tough, determined partner that'll stick by you through thick and thin.
That said, her scrappy nature means that sometimes, she might be a little quick to jump the gun on things. Spontaneity like that can be a good thing, but for some, it could be potentially draining after a while. Also, her feet? They're out. All the time. She's a free spirit, but if she's committed to this no-shoe lifestyle, that might limit a lot of date spots.
Of course... some people may be into that. Not that we'd know.
Nessa is a visage. Graceful, elegant, and stylish, she's the kind of go-getter that's oh-so-rare in the world. She puts so much care into her gym, her manner of speech, her clothing... she's an ornate, classy lady, and a complete knockout to boot.
With Nessa, you're looking at a relationship where you can expect the finer things in life. Nice dinners, romantic getaways, a lavish wedding followed by an indulgent honeymoon... She'll give it all to you. Sometimes, you just want to be taken care of, and Nessa has both the personality and money to make that happen.
Not only that, but she seems like somebody you could have a seriously deep, meaningful conversation with on just about everything. You'll find yourself intellectually challenged and fulfilled with each interaction - like dating a sentient New Yorker article. If you're up for the challenge, and are okay with not being the breadwinner, Nessa's an absolute wife goal.
There are few ways in which Melony is not, from a completely unbiased and objective standpoint, the best candidate on this list. One of the very first things she does, after you clear her gym, is ask if you're okay. Right off the bat, this is a woman who, even when obligated to pummel the actual hell out of your party, cares enough to check up on you. She immediately follows that up by saying she won't hold back, either, meaning that even her own compassion won't stop her from doing her job.
She's flirty and caring, but also committed to the follow-through. Melony's the kind of partner who's mostly chill and carefree, but can be serious if the need arises. Whatever the situation calls for, she's down for it, and she'll be there to make sure you're okay the whole time. Not only that, but one look at her impeccable fashion sense speaks volumes to her personality. She's stylish, but comfortable - just a casual, laidback kind of girl who's down for whatever. Oh, and she's a successful, working mother on top of it all.
We call that wife material.
Agree? Disagree? Let us know, and be sure to check out our other Pokemon Sword and Pokemon Shield articles!