Final Fantasy VII is undoubtedly one of the greatest and most important games of its generation. This title is single-handedly responsible for propelling Square Enix into global heights of popularity, while simultaneously making JRPGs a massive trend during the fifth generation of gaming. The story of Cloud and his friends as they strive to defeat Sephiroth and save the planet is truly brilliant in every sense of the word.
However, Final Fantasy VII isn't totally serious and dark — there are several moments in the game (intentional or otherwise) that are bound to elicit a chuckle from players. Some of these instances come from the hilarious dialogue of the game, which — despite the horrible translation — is quite prevalent throughout the journey.
Here are ten such rib-tickling quotes present in Final Fantasy VII that we hope stay intact in the remake.
10 "HA! Nothing Will Stop Me!" — Palmer
Palmer is one of the goofier characters in Final Fantasy VII, and his attempts to slow you down generally end up being moments of comic relief as opposed to genuine threats.
During one such encounter, the party thwarts another one of Palmer's attempts to stop them in their tracks. Palmer, after dodging the blades of the Tiny Bronco, proclaims that nothing will stop him... only to be hit by a Shinra truck shortly after.
9 "What's Wrong? You Scared?" — Yuffie
Yuffie's one of the chirpier characters in Final Fantasy VII, with her introduction to the party being a memorable affair in and of itself. After Cloud and Co. approach her in the forest, Yuffie remarks by asking them if they're scared or not.
Cloud's one-word reply makes the entire scene a hilarious affair. Looking at an unthreatening Yuffie, Cloud responds with one word — "Petrified."
8 "Stop Saying It Like A Wimp!" — Cid
Cloud's personality really shines through in the game after realizing that his past was a lie and he actually was capable of having fun, after all. Even near the end of the game when the entire world is at stake, Cloud can't help but tell everyone, "All right everyone, let's mosey."
This culminates in a hilariously frustrated Cid chastizing Cloud for sounding like such a dork, which is equal parts funny and heartfelt.
7 "Quit Slapping Me! You Old $*&^%!" — Tifa
Tifa's not averse to having her own hilarious moments in the game, with perhaps the most memorable of the lot coming in an iconic moment against Scarlet on the Junon cannon.
After Scarlet slaps Tifa, the latter decides to do something about this humiliating situation and engages in a slapping minigame against Scarlet. It's a moment that comes out of nowhere and is surprisingly entertaining.
6 “I’ll Smash Em.” — Tifa
Don Corneo is one of the most disgusting characters in Final Fantasy VII, and the entire sequence where Cloud needs to crossdress and infiltrate the mansion is one of the most hilarious moments in the entire game.
This scene culminates with Cloud, Aerith, and Tifa threatening Don Corneo and explaining what they would do to a particularly sensitive part of the Don. Cloud talks about slicing, Aerith talks about ripping, and Tifa talks about smashing.
5 "Yeah, There's This Guy Named Barret..." — Cloud
The scene with Don Corneo can be particularly rib-tickling if you choose to go the extra mile and make Cloud the target of Corneo's advances. The result is nothing short of hilarious, with the ex-SOLDIER — or so he believed at that point — trying his best to avoid joining the Don in bed.
During this moment, Corneo actually questions Cloud's shyness and asks if he has a guy in his life. In a moment of panic, the first name that comes to Cloud's mind is none other than Barret himself.
Speaking of which...
4 "Where's Its $#&*&@ Head? This Whole Thing's Stupid. Let's Keep Goin'." — Barret
When one talks about some of the most hilarious characters in Final Fantasy VII, Barret definitely makes the cut. The loud-mouthed leader of AVALANCHE easily has some of the most iconic dialogue in the game, to the point where an entire top 10 could be made just about him only.
One such quote comes after the party encounters Jenova for the first time in the Shinra Headquarters. While everyone — especially Cloud — is shocked, Barret decides to point out the ridiculousness of the situation in a hilariously tasteless matter before urging the party to move on.
3 "It's Cuz Of That &^#$# 'Pizza' That People Underneath Are Sufferin'!" — Barret
Perhaps the best quote that Barret has even said comes when he's talking about the ridiculous nature of the plate system and the destitute nature of the slum-dwellers beneath it.
In a fit of rage, Barret decides to call these plates "pizza," which is just way too funny given the serious context of the conversation.
While most people might not like the poor translation of Final Fantasy VII, one can't deny the absolute gems that we got as a result.
2 "Sit Your Ass Down in That Chair and Drink Your Goddamn TEA!" — Cid
Cid might be the last person to join the party, but his sailor's mouth and powerful attacks are enough to familiarize him with the rest of the party.
The funniest moment where we see just how much of a great character Cid could be is when he offers tea to his guests. Cloud, trying to be nice, says that he and his wife don't need to go through all that trouble.
Cid, in a fit of rage, pretty much forces them to sit down at the table and drink tea, saying what might just be the greatest dialogue in the history of Final Fantasy.
1 "This Guy Are Sick." — Aerith
A list talking about hilarious dialogue in Final Fantasy VII would be incomplete without the inclusion of what is arguably one of the most stupidly iconic lines in the entire franchise.
It's a line that perfectly shows the tumultuous translation problems present in the game, with Aerith trying to talk about the plight of a slum dweller but inadvertently saying a line that will go down as one of the most historic lines in Final Fantasy.