Arthur Morgan isn't only the protagonist of Red Dead Redemption 2, one of the most highly-anticipated games of 2018—he's pretty hilarious too. Good guy or bad guy, he's definitely got the quips. Along with the beloved John Marston, Arthur is a member of Dutch van der Linde's gang in 1899 in Red Dead Redemption's 2018 prequel.
It must have been a prerequisite to be brazen in order to be a member of Dutch's gang, because John isn't the only sassy protagonist in the Red Dead franchise. Arthur is here to give John a run for his money with ten hilarious quotes of his own.
10 "You're my favorite parasite... No, wait, ringworm's my favorite parasite, you're my second-favorite parasite... I lied. Ringworm, then, rats with the plague, then you."
Uncle gets plenty of lip from John in Red Dead Redemption 2, but he also gets it from the protagonist. This quote, which Arthur utters while he and Uncle walk through town together, is the favorite of quite a few Red Dead players, and for good reason.
Arthur makes a real show of deciding what his favorite parasite is just so he can let Uncle know—with plenty of humor—just how little he thinks of him. Not only does Arthur think Uncle is a parasite; Arthur would rather deal with ringworm and the plague before dealing with Uncle.
9 "Maybe we should cut you open and count the rings of whiskey."
Arthur likes to make Uncle the butt of quite a few of his quips throughout the game. In this case, Arthur makes a jab at both Uncle's alcoholism and age and insinuates killing Uncle all in one smooth go.
At least in Rockstar's 1899 fictional United States, it was common knowledge (as it is today) that in order to tell how old a tree is, you'd have to cut it down and count how many rings it has inside of it. That's a pretty impressively packaged insult.
8 "We each made 15 dollars, oh, and a quarter! Don't forget the quarter!"
Arthur isn't impressed after the gang's botched attempt at a robbery in which they end up crashing a train car, and he makes it clear with this quote. For all the effort the gang went through setting up and executing their (albeit failed) plan, they only made $15.25 each, which even by 19th century standards, is nothing to be impressed by.
Arthur knows it, and far be it from him to let his opinion go without being expressed, he shares the above quote. What does he get in response? An equally-irritated, "Shut up, Arthur."
7 "Should I just... sneak on now?"
It seems Arthur is at his most hilarious when he's severely disappointed by something his comrades did (or didn't do). As a U.S. Army train that he and his gang were supposed to stop before Arthur was meant to sneak onto and rob flies by, Arthur turns to the gang and makes this statement right in Dutch's face.
Once again, he makes his dislike of his gang's antics as clear as possible all while making everyone playing the game laugh at his misfortune. It's probably a good thing Arthur is so funny because sometimes the gameplay itself can be frustrating.
6 "Five thousand dollars? Can I turn myself in?"
While fishing with John's son Jack, Arthur runs into a couple of Pinkerton lawmen. One of them is called Agent Milton, who ends up being quite the thorn in Arthur's (and the player's) side. Milton explains he knows a lot about Arthur and that there's currently a $5,000 bounty on Arthur's head, which is information Arthur responds to with this quote.
Like John, Arthur has a habit of making light of the illegal things he's done with plenty of humor. He doesn't seem to think it's a big deal that the Pinkertons are there at all, let alone that they're threatening him.
5 "Look, I'm sorry, friend. I can barely speak English."
While attempting to help a foreigner who speaks another language, Arthur makes a point of letting them know that he has no idea what they're saying, but of course, he does it in the most Arthur-Morgan way possible.
This time, he pokes some fun at himself, not unlike he does when Agent Milton tells him how big his bounty is. He could have easily mocked this foreigner for not knowing enough English to get by in the Wild West, but instead, he makes fun of himself for not knowing English very well.
4 "I do my utmost to avoid you."
If Arthur Morgan's anything, he's not one to mince words. There's none of the other characters guessing what Arthur thinks about them, and it's pretty refreshing to watch as a player. He makes this obvious a number of times throughout the campaign, and sometimes it's met with more hostile responses than others.
Arthur says this to Charles as they stand outside in a snowstorm, but a few hours of gameplay later has Arthur doing the can-can with Charles hooked under his arm. So maybe he just likes to sound tough?
3 "Does this trolley go to Tahiti?"
This quote isn't as funny by itself, but when you play the campaign, you come to understand that Arthur has quite a thing for visiting Tahiti. He mentions it several times throughout various missions.
It always seems to pop up when things are going wrong, just to emphasize how much better his life would be if he just picked up and moved to Tahiti instead of staying in the Wild West to rob trains and run from the Pinkerton Detective Agency. Red Dead fans are probably glad he hasn't lived out his fantasy.
2 "Forgive me if I slip and stab you in the face."
Arthur might be sassy and violent at times, but he's also kind of a gentleman—or at least as much of a gentleman as outlaws in the 19th century Wild West can be without looking too soft. Instead of downright threatening people, at least he has the decency to apologize to whoever he's promising bodily harm to, right?
This is also a great line because it's so unexpectedly violent and comes out of the left-field during a pretty calm, nonviolent part of the campaign. Arthur says it as he sits down at a table with somebody else, and it makes you love him a little bit more.
1 "Next time, let the wolves eat all your brain... Then you'll be a genius."
Arthur Morgan and John Marston are both fan-favorites in the Red Dead Redemption franchise, so it's always fun to listen to Arthur make fun of John and vice-versa. Even after saving John from certain death via wild wolves in the mountains, Arthur still takes it upon himself to make fun of John for almost dying that way.
After he tells John he's one of the only people to have half his brains eaten by wolves and come out smarter on the other side, he adds this golden quip, and if that isn't something to smile at, what is?