Knife crime is on the rise in rural Spain, and it’s all thanks to this gamer right here. Guns are for losers, so I’d rather throw them aside and dispatch local farmers the old-fashioned way. Slice, dice, and everything nice - it’s time to speedrun the upcoming Resident Evil 4 remake with nothing more than a knife to keep me company.
I recently attended a preview event for Resident Evil 4 and was able to play through the village opening section a handful of times. One was for the experience, two was to spot any hidden secrets that I’d glazed over in my initial session, three was to destroy everything I could in the surprisingly fragile environments, and four was to advance my burgeoning career as an amateur speedrunner. See, I keep telling you this job is important and serious and not at all a waste of time. All of those angry people on YouTube have been lying to you.
Resident Evil has always been perfect for speedrunning. Capcom even built a feature into Village designed for it, knowing that players love to learn the most effective route through each campaign to achieve the best time possible. All puzzles have a single solution and bosses go down the same way no matter what, so it’s all about maximising the effectiveness of your approach no matter what. I got the achievement for finishing the last game in under two hours, so I’m totally qualified to talk about this stuff. Yes I played on easy, yes I had fully upgraded weapons, but I still qualify as a bonafide speedrunner. Suck it.
As I played Resident Evil 4 remake for the first time, it became clear how it will make players fall in love with speedrunning all over again. My first run through was filled with trepidation as I anxiously walked through new environments hoping a zombie wasn’t about to jump out and ruin my day. I tried in vain to solve puzzles and survive an onslaught of villagers across set pieces designed to instil panic within newcomers. But after a few tries I was able to take a more comedic approach, playing the gameplay mechanics for comedy instead of terror, and doing so is so damn fun. The PR rep was shocked at how long I spent destroying random items across the environment, or called me evil for stealth killing the cow by stabbing it to death, but what they didn’t expect was for me to turn this conventional preview session into the game’s first ever speedrun attempt. It also went way better than I could have expected.
Leon’s knife is far more interesting in the Resident Evil 4 remake. It might have a durability metre that depletes whenever you attack enemies with it or use it to parry or defend yourself, but that also means it possesses more functionality. Leon is a slippery little fucker too, so diving between enemies or dodging packs of infected is a breeze if you know what you’re doing. Even when I got my gun for the first time I promised I wouldn’t use it, and restricted myself to melee weapons only. Knives Out. Just like the movie I still haven’t seen.
Slicing at enemies in the right way opens them up to a melee attack, which can floor multiple baddies if you get them to gather in a pack within a tight environment. Slice, kick, punch, and beat them while they’re down for maximum effectiveness. That was the gist of combat, but I also needed to memorise the route I’d taken through the three previous attempts and solve puzzles without bumbling around like an idiot. The survival horror was thrown aside as I ran through spaces intent to terrify, pushing enemies out of my way like I was trying to get my train before it was too late. I had so much fun, and even ran into a few bugs pushing the build to places it probably wasn’t intended to go just yet. But I’m a gamer, we don’t play by the rules. Once I got to the village it was clear I couldn’t use any bullets, so my only option was to run around like a headless chicken until the bell rang, and I could get out of dodge.
I roundhouse kicked a few villagers into the scenery and broke a few windows, and also killed the cow I mentioned earlier, but aside from that it was all stealth kills and biding my time. Soon I was home free, albeit lacking in healing items and holding on for dear life because my knife had long broken, and I had no way to defend myself. I bet there is an optimum way through the village, or at least a way to kite enemies or hold up in a set position until everything blows over.
Speedrunners (which I very much am) would probably glitch through the environment or avoid the village altogether, and perhaps one day I will be worthy of such magnificent technical powers. Either way, I ran through the opening of the Resident Evil 4 remake with nothing but a knife and lived to tell the tale. I shall go down in gaming legend.