25 Skyrim Logic Memes That Are Too Hilarious For Words

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25 Skyrim Logic Memes That Are Too Hilarious For Words

via: reddit.com, escapistmagazine.com

Let’s be real, Skyrim isn’t perfect, but it gets pretty close. There are a ton of inconsistencies and logic gaps that keep the game from being a truly perfect RPG. Still, these lapses in the model are more endearing than game-breaking. And fixing any of them would leave the game not quite as good as before. For example, let’s say every merchant had unlimited gold and could buy anything from you at any time no matter the worth. Now, I’m not saying I have a degree, but by saturating the economy with that much generated money earned from pesky things like dragon bones would cause drastic inflation, leaving your precious septims almost worthless. You’d essentially also put every shop owner out of business since their supply can’t keep up with your demand. (That sounded scientific, right?)

Anyway, the humor of this harmless prevalence of illogical code is evident by the meme culture created by the zealous fanbase. Rather than rage at Bethesda for some honestly silly things that happen in-game, we poke fun at it and acknowledge that we wouldn’t want the game any other way. Each quirk gives the game personality, a fond memory we can look back on like the first time we decided to kill the chicken and Riverwood and promptly had the entire kingdom of Tamriel descend on us like a swift but overreacting hammer of justice.

To celebrate one of the more famous RPGs of all time, let’s go back and talk about everything that was wrong with it!

25. They Thought They Could Contain ME?!

via: Facebook (logicalskyrim)

Aside from the fact that sending the alleged savior of the world to jail is a poor decision to begin with, it’s a true mystery how some average Skyrim guards could even manage the feat. If it wasn’t a built-in justice system, you would never have to go to jail. Of course, you’d have to dispose of literally everyone in the realm, but it’s a small price to pay for freedom.

Still, the game does a good job of making jail-time worth your while. For the most heinous criminals, it’s the only way to get all the guards and townspeople of your back so you can return to saving the world… or whatever side quest you were on. Bethesda also did a good job of making jail an interesting place to be, with intriguing characters to be met and devious plots to be hatched.

24. Aren’t You… Cold?

via: Facebook (logicalskyrim)

Climbing the Seven Thousand Steps to High Hrothgar is no simple feat. The early quests in the game aptly impress upon you the difficulty and sacred nature of such a task. They say that while townspeople and other such folk do climb part of the way to pay respects to the various shrines along the way, getting all the way to the top is reserved for only the bravest adventurers. And yet, somehow, in that violent, frozen blizzard-covered mountain, you’ll no doubt find a courier with a message just for you. Never mind how he found you in the middle of literally nowhere, why does he always seems ill-dressed for the occasion?

Still, it’s a fun and surprising way to start new quest lines. Some are just basic tasks while some may lead you down a much deeper rabbit hole.

23. Life’s Too Short For Sniping

via: Facebook (logicskyrim)

Stealth archery is a rewarding but dangerous game. Many would argue it’s the easiest class to play, with the highest damage output and minimal risk of death. But even the best of us will occasionally miss that crucial headshot, alerting the baddies to our presence and making our job all the more difficult. In cases like that we have two choices: go aggro and take some more damage, or reload the last save. And life’s too short to be reloading saves every time we mess up.

Besides, let’s not kid ourselves, sniping with a bow gets old after a while. Sometimes you just wanna pull out a greatsword and hack n’ slash your way through the next dungeon, just for sport.

22. I Have A License To Kill, Move Aside

via: Facebook (logicalskyrim)

The first time we were endowed with the title of Thane, we were given the ability to buy a house and Lydia. At least, that’s how much they told us. A little ways down the road, we inevitably commit a crime, either on purpose or by accident. We avoid guards as long as we can, but eventually the word of law catches up with us. But then, when all hope seems lost, we see a new dialogue option: to declare ourselves as Thane, excusing us from most petty crime.

After that first encounter, it’s all smooth sailing from there. Attacked a villager? Thane. Stole some coins? Thane. Killed a chicken… well, not even the title of High King can save you from paying for that one.

21. I’ll Just Save Here Real Quick…

via: Facebook (logicalskyrim)

The great thing about Skyrim is that almost nothing is completely impossible. You can lockpick an Expert lock at low levels, it’s just be really really really hard. You can fight high-level baddies without the qualifications, but you’ll probably die.

And then there’s pickpocketing, one of the skills that gives you an explicit success rate for each item. With a chance of 1%, you’re probably a really low level trying to kick it with the big boys and failing. Will you pray to the RNG gods and take a chance? Will you ascend to a level none have ever reached? Or will you fly too close to the sun? Regardless, just make sure to quicksave first.

By the way, let’s all agree. There’s nothing worse than seeing a 99% chance to steal, and still failing.

20. Come A Long Way From A Lowly Thane

via: Imgur (solarhamster)

There’s a lot you can get away with with just some gold. There’s more you can get away with  when you’re a Thane. But as High King of Skyrim, the world is your oyster. If you’re wondering why you never came across a quest to become the High King of Skyrim, it’s because it was never part of the original game, but a handy little mod. Many fans complained about how the canonical civil war is mostly based around who should be the next High King, when the Dragonborn seems to be the obvious candidate. When fans complain, mods answer.

The mod spawned a new meme about the various ways one can punish the residents of Skyrim for even the most basic of infractions. Check out the full gallery here.

19. If (isUnderwater() == true)  { beLitAnyway(); }

via: Facebook (logicalskyrim)

I’m not saying I majored in coding (I did I have a B.S. in comp sci) but this seems like an easy mistake to fix. Somewhere there’s a function that checks whether the environment is underwater, and there’s another that animates a torch. Put 2 and 2 together and you should get a torch that doesn’t burn underwater. Knowing Bethesda, perhaps it was just an easter egg meant to humor the fans who actually explored the underwater areas enough to find this loot.

The absurdity of this find has been a source of great amusement for the fanbase, and the obvious choice for a logic meme. It’s along the same lines of finding fresh fruits in an ancient dungeon or a dragon dropping weapons as loot.

18. They’re Not Easily Impressed

via: Facebook (logicalskyrim)

You can’t kill ’em (unless you have the mod for it), you can’t ignore ’em (unless you avoid Holds altogether). It seems their sole purpose in the game is to rile you up, whether some kid wants to fight you or brag about his father’s social status. And then some will see you in scary armor, covered in blood, and offer to play tag. And you, being the playfully innocent dragon-murderer you are, might just say yes.

Sometimes it’s just annoying, but sometimes you’ll invest long hours into levelling high enough to get the best gear, grinding for days on end until you finally complete the set. Then some kid comes along as says “I thought adventurers were supposed to look tough.” And that… that just hurts, man.

17. The Daedra Were Pretty Old-Fashioned

via: Facebook (logicalskyrim)

Apparently there’s only two types of locks in Skyrim: a rotary stone gate that only fits a specific type of gold dragon claw, and normal, everyday locks. You’d think artifacts of ancient Daedric design would be hidden by a little more than just the latter, but it seems these dark gods respected adventurers who knew how to pick a lock.

While we’re on the subject, here’s an interesting tip about Skyrim locks. It’s known that lockpicks last longer and the “sweet spot” can be found more easily the higher your lockpicking level. But did you also know that you can actually hear a metallic crunching sound when you position the lock over the right place? Listen closely enough, and you can use this auditory clue instead of fancy guesswork.

16. Oh, Lydia

via: Facebook (logicalskyrim)

Not gonna lie, the first time I played Skyrim I somehow managed to get Lydia killed, which is actually an insanely difficult thing to do. She can’t be killed by the player, but she can be killed by enemies. Whenever Lydia is low in health, she’ll crouch and enemies will leave her alone.

But as an avid mage, I began the game suing fireballs and such. Lydia literally would not stop getting in the way, and most of the damage she took was from me. With some incredibly unlucky timing she manage to hit critical by my hand just as an enemy landed the final blow. I’d like to say she brought it on herself, but I am haunted by the memory to this day.

15. When You Thought You And Your Stolen Horse Had A Connection

via: Facebook (logicalskyrim)

It’s not like you can expect a horse to stay loyal if it’s been stolen. It seems the AI was coded to return to its spawn point if abandoned, leaving you. However, if you buy the horse, it’ll be treated as a companion, meaning it’ll fast travel with you and attack nearby enemies, chasing them if need be.

Essentially, even tamed horses in Skyrim aren’t actually tamed, they’re just run by janky AI looking to make your life just a little bit harder. Still, there are plenty of mods out there that’ll turn an ordinary horse into a worthy battle and travel companion. Then again, why would you need a horse when fast travel exists? Maybe riding is more immersive.

14. There’s Probably A Path But…

via: Facebook (logicalskyrim)

Speaking of horses, raise your hands if you’ve ever vertically climbed up a mountain on horseback, or even on foot. Some part of us knew there was probably a path if we just walked around a bit and followed our map. But as I always say, life’s too short to take the easy way. Sometimes you have to stray from the beaten path and blaze your own trail. Sometimes that euphoric sense of accomplishment once you finally reach the top is well worth the hours of jumping, climbing, falling, and crying. One day, some passersby will see footsteps imprinted along the steep end of a mountain and think, “Wow, what an adventurer they must be.” And it’s all about legacy in the end, is it not?

13. Lydia, I’m Gonna Need You To Hold Some Stuff

via: Facebook (logicalskyrim)

Alright, so this one isn’t technically a meme. But then I ask, what is a ‘meme?’ This little, well call it a ‘comic’, perfectly illustrates the odd weight system in Skyrim, an overly mathematical formula to judge an otherwise fluid and realistic concept. At 300 pounds, you’ll move swift as the coursing river. At 301 pounds, you’ll move as if you’re holding two heavy weights in each hand as you attempt to climb a pole (that was a Mulan reference, just FYI). It seems like it’d be easy to have another speed setting that dynamically scales up with weight, rather than just a binary variable. But if we didn’t have that, we wouldn’t have hilarious comics like this one.

Also, can someone explain why eating food makes you lose weight in Skyrim?

12. Maybe… We’re All The Dragonborn!

via: Facebook (logicalskyrim)

Here’s a quick review on Dragonslaying: Dragons have dragon souls, and the Draognborn is a human with the soul of a dragon. This gives them the power to absorb the souls of other dragons and that use that energy for Shouts and such. If an ordinary human were to kill a Dragon, they could not absorb its soul, and the soul would then be able to find its way to another mortal coil to keep doing what dragons do.

As such, it’s totally possible for non-Dragonborn NPCs to kill dragons, leaving you to reapt the benefits in terms of soul-stealing. Maybe that’s why a guard will occasionally say, “Got to thinking, maybe I’m the Dragonborn, and I just don’t know it yet” even though you’ve just slain a dragon and absorbed its soul before his very eyes.

11. Just To Be Safe…

via: Facebook (logicalskyrim)

The great thing about quicksaving is that it’s a completely innocent act that can have really dark intentions behind it. It turns the next few minutes into a period of “what if” where you can do pretty much anything and take it all back if things go south at the push of a button. Wanna try taking out an entire city of guards? Quicksave. Wanna fight a legendary Dragon even though you’re hopelessly underleveled? Quicksave. Wanna see if you can stealth kill that pesky chicken without anyone knowing it was you? Quicksave. Twice to be safe.

And then sometimes someone will lowkey challenge you, the Dragonborn, to a casual fight. Honestly you wouldn’t even have to quicksave at that point but it doesn’t hurt…

10.  Can’t Fault Him For That

via: Facebook (logicalskyrim)

Don’t take it personally, there aren’t many things more important than sleep. Even the affairs of the Dragonborn come second to a good night’s rest. Somewhere in their mind, the Dragonborn secretly wants to let the world be destroyed while they take a little nap at the closest inn. Besides, the number of times we have done this in real life is honestly a joke, so we can excuse Talen-Jei for doing what any of us would’ve done in his stead. Why take on responsibility and work when we can lay back and succumb to the sweet release of sleep.

Speaking of inns and sleep, if you haven’t already, go stay a night at the Old Hroldan Inn south of Soljund’s Sinkhole. It’s a fun time.

9. Potions For Days

via: Facebook (logicalskyrim)

Every loot chest has a potion, every alchemy table has a potion, and almost every bad guy drops a potion. They’re so common in the game, it’s a wonder you’d ever need them at all. One thing the game doesn’t quite account for is the general lack of necessity to use potions. The class system has some customizability but there are three main ones: warrior, archer, and mage. Mages heal with magic, archers don’t actually take damage often enough to need healing, and warriors… well, I suppose they have enough health that potions aren’t usually needed.

And on the off-chance you do need to heal, food is always the first thing to go. Most think “I’ll just heal a bit with this food and use my potions when I really need them.” But here’s the thing: you never really need them.

8. His Most Legendary Feat

via: Imgur (nathanw022)

Great warriors are known for their feats in battle. Legendary warriors are known for the kingdoms they defended. And only those mythic warriors worthy to stand among the gods themselves are known for their dinner table etiquette. You think Ysgramor is famous because he became the leader of the Five Hundred Companions and elevated mankind to power in Tamriel? No, it was because only he was brave enough to use a fork to eat soup.

We could chalk this up to a simple error in animation. The development team asks for a spoon and the animators mix up their everyday kitchen utensils. Or perhaps the mischievous coders over at Bethesda did this on purpose, and actually stealing the fork/spoon bestows some super secret buff.

7. What Do You Mean There Are Other Classes?

via: Facebook (logicalskyrim)

Remember way back when I said life’s too short to take the easy way? Well, that’s only sometimes true. In most cases, the easy way is the best way. I won’t lie, in my first playthrough, I reloaded a save all the way back to the initial Standing Stones after my first dungeon because I saw that much value in archery.

The only weapon that does more dps than a bow is a dagger, but that involves actual sneaking. With arrows, entering sneak is a formality; you’ll be far enough away that they won’t actually see you if you’re not in stealth.

Besides, Skyrim unfortunately nerfed the power of magic since Morrowind. In that installment, magic was the best form of attack, since it was just coded to be that overpowered.

6. I’m Wearing A Dead Dragon, Get At Me

via: Facebook (logicalskyrim)

It’s not only kids that have 0 respect for your status, gear, reputation, or appearance. Bandits all across Skyrim are always looking to pick a fight, whether you’re a lowly beginner forced to run or a decked out battlemage that can take out an entire band of marauders with one spell. It would seem prudent to add in a “fear” parameter, akin to Shadow of Mordor‘s nemesis system. Kill enough baddies, and future baddies will think twice about messing with you. Or even if they see you in Daedric armor with a glowing sword, that should compute somehow in their simplistic AI that attacking would be the last option on their list.

5. Desperate Times, Desperate Measures

via: Facebook (logicalskyrim)

Imagine a battle from the Dragon’s point of view. You’re chomping down on this tiny human who’s bleeding out and seems to be getting weaker by the second. Then there’s some glitch in the fabric of reality and that human somehow heals back all its health almost instantly. If you look closely, you can see them gobbling down a bunch of food really really fast.

That’s sort of the gist of how the pause-and-eat mechanic would look in real life. Imagine a hardcore mode where healing had to be done in real-time, where you somehow had to find cover before restoring health… nah, that’d be too realistic.

4. But When The World Needed Him Most, He Vanished

via: Facebook (logicalskyrim)

You basically know what’s at stake from the start of the game. The Dragons are being resurrected, Alduin has returned, and the world is in danger of being destroyed by these dark forces of evil. The only person who can stop them is you, the Dragonborn, gifted with timeless knowledge and abilities on your quest to fulfill your true destiny.

But here’s the thing: there are, like, a ton of other guilds who also need your help with less important stuff like killing the Emperor or curing lycanthropy. The stakes are trivial but the rewards are tempting. Also, doing all the side quests first makes you super overpowered for the main quest, so there’s another benefit.

3. It Wasn’t Me

via: Facebook (logicalskyrim)

It’s usually at this point that you move to reload your previous save. It’s that nervous moment when a guard gives you a suspicious glance (yes, they’re wearing helmets but you know what I mean) when you instantly regret pickpocketing that old lady. Sometimes the game will let you get away with it, but sometimes the guard will realize what a dirty thief/murderer/chicken-killer you are. At that point you either pay the price or go to jail or actually reload your save.

Or, if you’re a Thane, you declare that yes, the guard does in fact know you as a person of considerable status who should be allowed to pillage and murder at will.

2. I’ll Buy You More Chickens, CHILL

via: Facebook (logicalskyrim)

And of course, the meme that every player can relate to. It’s almost like chickens are objects of worship for the people of Riverwood, and killing one is tantamount to extreme blasphemy. Every game has some sort of trivial animal roaming the world that players only need to kill if they feel like it. The whole point is that there shouldn’t be any repercussions.

And what if it’s not on purpose? Even if you are trying to save the town from a dragon attack, one stray arrow could turn you from legendary hero to public enemy #1. Sure it was was accident, but all the people see is a dead chicken skewered with your arrow. Case closed.

1. Can’t Wait For The Re-Remastered Deluxe Edition Ver. 2

via: Facebook (logicalskyrim)

And last but not least, this one throws some lowkey shade at Bethesda for its constant re-releases of Skyrim instead of working on Elder Scrolls 6 and also allows the player base to acknowledge that no matter what complaints they have, they will always have a home in Skyrim, though not always by choice.

But hey, if you’re unfamiliar with the reference, it’s from The Simpsons, a somewhat depressing poster that Homer has at work. However, he covers it up with pictures of his daughter Maggie, covering the letters in a way so that the poster instead reads “Do it for her.” Now the only question that remains is, who motivates you to keep playing this timeless RPG?

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