My first encounter with Sonic and his rapid ways was playing one of his old games with my sister. Sonic the Hedgehog was a fantastic 2D platformer. My sister and I spent hours trying to clear each zone, taking turns each time we caused poor Sonic to run into some spikes or plummet to his demise. However, aside from this game, Sonic stayed mostly below my radar. Unfortunately for me, the next time I decided to try out a Sonic game was when I played the 2006 Sonic the Hedgehog. Worst gaming decision of my life.
After playing that game, I realized why people said Sonic had not made a successful leap to 3D spaces. Gone were the fun, speedy levels from Sonic's original games. The clunky gameplay of the 2006 Sonic was bad enough, but the attempt at a serious story for him was the worst. Every time Sonic and his friends engaged in a deep discussion, I cringed. What had happened, I wondered, to straightforward gaming experiences with a focus on fun? What had happened to Sonic?
Thus began my downward spiral into Sonic's games. Amused and curious about how bad and nonsensical Sonic had become, I started investigating every game, cartoon, and comic about Sonic that I could find. (Seriously, I truly explored the depths Sonic had sunk to.) The one thought prevailing in my mind as I took on this quest was this: "How awful could it really be?" Surely Sonic could not have turned out so bad. Read on if you want to find out how bad Sonic really got.
25 A Hedgehog Of The Round Table
I'm normally very fond of different takes on the King Arthur stories. But Sonic's take on King Arthur was a tad too... odd for me to handle. In the Wii game, Sonic and the Black Knight, Sonic travels to the world of King Arthur.
In this world, King Arthur is a bad guy called the Black Knight, and Sonic has to bring him down. To make matters weirder, once everything is settled in the kingdom, it's revealed that Sonic is the real King Arthur. Don't ask me how that works. I still don't know.
24 The Infamous Love Story
Who made the decision to have Sonic and a human female engage in a romantic relationship? Seriously, who okay-ed that?!
In the notoriously awful 2006 Sonic game, Sonic and this girl named Princess Elise share a very close relationship with each other. It's gag-worthy for most of the game, but it only reaches new levels of low towards the end, when Elise kisses Sonic. Ever see a human kiss a blue anthropomorphic hedgehog? You don't want to. Trust me on this one.
23 Why Sonic Is Blue
Blue is not the normal color for a hedgehog, so what makes Sonic different from a regular hedgehog in that he has blue fur? According to some Sonic history, Sonic used to be a brown-colored hedgehog. However, while he was in a laboratory, he tried running his fastest as part of an experiment.
He ran so fast, he ran faster than the speed of light.
Running at this speed caused his coloring to change from brown to blue. Maybe the Millennium Falcon should be colored blue, am I right?
22 Jumping Off Cliffs Rather Than Standing Still
Everyone knows Sonic as the guy who has "gotta go fast." As it turns out, Sonic really does need to go fast or else he chooses to throw himself off a cliff. (I might be exaggerating here, but still, hear me out.)
While playing Sonic CD, if you don't move Sonic for a bit, he begins tapping his foot in impatience. If you still don't move him, he eventually gets fed up with you and hops off whatever platform he's on. Once he's gone from the screen, it's officially game over.
21 Sonic's Children
If you have never read the Sonic comic books, you should totally give them a read. Well, you should if you enjoy insane story-lines that don't make a lot of sense. I
n one of these issues, you find out that in a future version of Sonic's life, he married Sally Acorn and had kids. Not only do they have kids, but in order to save the world, future-version of Sonic has to go back in time, and he erases ever having had that family. But then he has to reverse that turn of events so he can marry Sally again and have those kids too.
20 Why So Serious?
One of the things that makes the least bit of sense about Sonic games and story-lines is that they try to be deep and stoic. Serious plots do not do Sonic a lick of good.
No one ever played old Sonic the Hedgehog games because they wanted to hear about Sonic saving the world while fighting the forces of evil. Sonic was a fast-paced game full of fun. I played Sonic because I wanted to have a diverting time while making a pixelated blue hedgehog go fast. And that's it.
19 Ancient Hoverboards
Sonic stories should never try to delve too deeply into the background history of their games. If you're making a game like Sonic Riders, where I'm going to be able to control Sonic as he hover-boards his way around large maps, I'm fine with that.
But if you're then going to shove in my face the fact that in Sonic's world there was once a group of ancient hover-boarders called the Babylon Rogues that would steal treasure, then I'm going to stop paying attention.
18 A Home-Grown Guy
The Sonic Bible was a document made by Sega during the initial conceptualizing of Sonic the Hedgehog.
In this document, it was stated that Sonic was born in Nebraska.
So, for any people from Nebraska who might be reading this, you share a birthplace with Sonic the hedgehog! Bet you never knew that. Of course, nowadays, Sonic's birthplace is considered to be on this imaginary place called Christmas Island. Strangely enough, I prefer him being from Nebraska.
17 A Peripheral Character
I usually love the darker, moodier characters that occasionally appear next to our main characters, but the existence of Shadow (and his solo games) always confused me. Shadow is basically the grittier, more chaotic version of Sonic.
He's like a rogue Sonic.
But with Knuckles already playing Sonic's opposite, is there really a need for Shadow to exist? Sonic is already cool. The attempt to make Shadow seem edgier and cooler just seems blatant and unnecessary.
16 Yours Truly, Tails
Dr. Robotnik does not look like a serious villain. He does, however, get the job of being Sonic's antagonist done. He comes up with masterful plans to rule the world all the time.
At one point, Robotnik captures Tails, Sonic's long-time friend. Sonic learns of this when he finds a note from Tails telling him he's been taken. Excuse me, what? Tails took the time to write a polite note to Sonic while he was being captured. I guess if Robotnik is a decent villain, Tails makes for a decent hostage.
15 Those Chaos Emeralds
Dr. Robotnik and other forces for evil (though there aren't many aside from Robotnik) constantly chase after the Chaos Emeralds. These Emeralds are super powerful. They can make characters undergo transformations, mess with the space-time continuum, and power mega-weapons.
Many Sonic games deal with Sonic trying to stop people from getting their hands on these Emeralds. This happens so often, I always wonder why Sonic and his friends don't just hide the Chaos Emeralds.
14 A Hedgehog's Natural Speed
We are all so used to thinking of Sonic as this swift character, that we might not consider the actual speed of his inspiration. Hedgehogs can scamper along quite rapidly, but they definitely are not the paragons of speed that Sonic makes them out to be.
I could never quite figure out the sense behind choosing a hedeghog to be the poster animal for Sega's games revolving around speed. It works, don't get me wrong. Sonic the Hedgehog is (or was) a household name. It still doesn't make any sense.
13 Sonny Boy Sonic
The same Sonic Bible that told us that Sonic was born in Nebraska also gave us Sonic's original name. Unlike later iterations of Sonic's background, this internal document from Sega said that Sonic's original name was Sonny.
Once he got all speed-ified, Sonny became Sonic, and the rest is history. You have to admit, Sonny the Hedgehog doesn't have the same oomph and pizzazz that Sonic the Hedgehog has. That's one change I'm glad they made.
12 Math Is Hard
An animated series starring Sonic and his brother and sister called Sonic Underground had the strangest plot in the works. According to the show, Sonic, his mother, and his siblings were meant to become part of a Council of Four and save the world yadda yadda yadda.
But for the entire series, Sonic's mom refuses to meet with them, supposedly for their safety. The series was cancelled before we could see if three eventually became four.
11 Fool Me Twice...
Nowadays, Knuckles is considered to be one of Sonic's friends. He is a much more serious character than the fun-loving Sonic, so he provides a nice contrast to our main character.
However, when we first met Knuckles, he worked with Dr. Robotnik. Sonic had to persuade Knuckles that Robotnik was evil. Knuckles only believed Sonic after Robotnik betrayed him. This happens multiple times! At some point, you would think Knuckles would learn.
10 The Peach Of The Sonic World
I'm used to princesses getting captured and imprisoned by bad guys in video games. I don't like it, but it is what it is. The 2006 Sonic the Hedgehog game was the last straw for me.
In the game, we meet Sonic's friend, Princess Elise. She's gets stolen several times by Robotnik (or Eggman, as he's known at this time) throughout the course of this single game. Seriously, Elise is captured at least three times. There's only so many times a princess can get captured before you get tired of it.
9 What's A Werehog?
I can get behind Sonic using the Chaos Emeralds to turn into a Super-Sonic form. That's nifty and cool and reminiscent of Dragon Ball Z. For some reason, Dr. Eggman (always Robotnik in my heart), decides to shoot this ray at Sonic in the game Sonic Unleashed which turns Sonic into this werehog form.
Why on earth would Eggman give Sonic such immense powers?
And why would Sonic turn into a wolf-hedgehog mix? That's what is implied when you call him a werehog, right?
8 Swimming With The Fishes
Have you ever wondered why Sonic would always slowly walk through his underwater levels instead of swimming through them? Well, it's because his creators egregiously believed that hedgehogs couldn't swim.
Honestly, I don't see why that stopped them from having Sonic swim. I mean, hedgehogs don't exactly run at high speeds, but they had Sonic do that anyways. Those darned air bubbles that allowed Sonic to breathe underwater took forever to reach when Sonic slowly walked toward them.
7 Why Did Robotnik Get His Name Changed?
Many fans of the Sonic series have wondered why the main villain, Dr. Robotnik, got his name changed to Dr. Eggman. Turns out that Robotnik's original name was always Eggman.
When Sonic was brought to the West, for some reason, Eggman's name was changed to Robotnik. So in actuality, calling Sonic's arch-nemesis Dr. Eggman is being true to the original source material. (I'm still super fond of calling him Robotnik, I have to admit.)
6 That's No Moon
Little Planet lends itself well to nice scenic shots, but it makes no sense. This orbiting sphere appears every so often next to Earth, and every time it does, Dr. Robotnik/Eggman tries to capture it and turn it into a mechanical planet of his own.
First off, how does an orbiting satellite only appear near Earth once a year if it looks like it's closer to Earth than the moon? Secondly, what is the point in having it around in the first place? If you want kooky locations for Sonic's zones, why not just make them?
5 The Chili Dog Fixation
Do all animal video game characters need to have some favorite food that they go crazy for? I guess it can be endearing at times, but Sonic's particular food craving has never made any sense to me.
How does a blue hedgehog who loves to run end up liking chili dogs?
Now, I know some people are going to pester me with complaints about how I can nitpick Sonic's chili dog leanings when the Sonic series is already nonsensical enough to include a speed-of-light running hedgehog. But seriously. Chili dogs?
4 Time-Traveling Craze
Sonic Generations presented an interesting concept. The modern version of Sonic teams up with the classic version of Sonic in order to defeat the simultaneously-occurring team-up of the past and present versions of Dr. Eggman.
This sounds cool, but story-wise, modern-Sonic and classic-Sonic should have been way more freaked out at each other than they were. And how does that even work? Was classic-Sonic just younger Sonic, or was he an alternate-reality Sonic?
3 Coming Back For More
It is blatantly obvious to anyone who witnesses Sonic and Amy Rose's interactions that Sonic is absolutely not interested in Amy. She pines for him like he's oxygen to her, but Sonic runs away from her every chance he gets.
Occasionally, in the comics and in the games, Amy recognizes that Sonic doesn't want to be around her. If that's the case, why is her crush on Sonic still persisting? Amy should have moved on long ago. It's clear that Sonic's main love lies with chili dogs.
2 Gotta Go Slow
A Sonic game without super speed hardly sounds like a Sonic game at all. But when developers want to give Sonic a chance to participate in a slower-paced game, you can bet they'll come up with the most nonsensical of reasons to slow him down.
For Sonic Labyrinth, Sonic accidentally puts on shoes made by Dr. Robotnik that slow him down. (They're imaginatively called Slow-Down Boots.) Sonic is then forced to take the game at the pace of a snail.
1 Typical Super Hero Behavior
My biggest pet peeve with super heroes these days is that they give up their lives doing their usual heroics, but then they come back to life almost immediately afterwards. Sonic joined the ranks of the numerous super heroes who have followed this trend during that awful 2006 Sonic the Hedgehog game.
He perished and was then returned to the ranks of the living.
And to make matters worse, it was the notorious kiss with Princess Elise that brought Sonic back to life.