The Sonic The Hedgehog movie’s release is drawing ever nearer, and as with most films targeted towards children, the marketing tie-ins have begun. Due to the drastic Sonic redesign, seeing his face plastered all over the place isn’t as much of an affront to God as it once was.
But there is one bit of marketing that we here at TheGamer are taking severe umbrage with. A campaign so misguided, so insane, so absolutely horrendous that we’re left dumbfounded as to how something like this could have possibly received approval.
We’re talking of course, about this:
Jack In The Box, you weave a web of lies.
When, in the long, storied history of Sonic The Hedgehog has he ever professed a love of tiny tacos? We’re not even sure the concept of the tiny taco even exists in the Sonic canon!
Any Sonic fan worth their salt and saturated fat knows that Sonic’s food of choice isn’t a tiny taco, it’s a greasy, piping hot chili dog. He obsesses over them, longs for them, and is willing to fight to the death for just a taste of that spicy, cumin-flavored, tube-shaped treat. This has been well established in the Sonic lore, and it’s absolutely sickening that this long-standing character trait has been ignored or even ret-conned in favor of a fast-food marketing ploy.
What’s worse about this disgusting display of Hollywood avarice is how short-sighted these executives are. They chose Jack In The Box to be the herald for this upcoming cinematic masterpiece. But why? What connection does Jack In The Box have to the Sonic universe? There might have been a jack in the box-type enemy somewhere in one of the Sonic games – we’re obviously not going to play through them all to find out – but aside from that, this franchise has nothing to do with the Iblis Trigger himself. They don’t even serve chili dogs!
But there is a place that does serve chili dogs. It’s actually an integral part of their menu. And guess what their name is?
So let’s get this straight. There's a restaurant that not only offers his official favorite food, but it actually shares the exact same name as Sega’s most famous mascot? Shame on you, Paramount. How could you partner with anyone but Sonic? The corporate synergy is so thick you could cut it with a knife!
Not only is this a tremendous missed opportunity, but it’s a bad omen for the Sonic The Hedgehog movie’s overall quality. If the people in charge can’t even get Sonic’s favorite food right, what hope do we have that this film will be faithful to the games? How are we supposed to take Jim Carey’s nuanced, Oscar-bait portrayal of Dr. Robotnik seriously when tiny tacos are being foisted upon us?!
This is a crime against gamers everywhere. Tiny tacos have no place in the world of Sonic. We are being gaslighted by Jack In The Box’s charlatans who are trying to sell miniature Mexican foodstuffs off the back of the blue blur. This indignity must not go unanswered. Write your congressman, warn your neighbors, tell every random people on the street about the miscarriage of justice that’s happening before our very eyes. The world must know! Sonic isn't your own personal billboard. He's a hedgehog with integrity! Shame on you, Jack In The Box! Shame!
That being said... those tiny tacos do look kind of good. But still, shame!